December 2009 -
January 2010
Christian
Family Movement
CFM Programs
Address Multiple Ages and Stages of Families — In Print and Now
Digitally
Many CFMers have
grown into a new life stage, but CFM is still an important part of their faith
and fellowship. These members have seen a need to explore topics that touch on
their new experiences, but CFM is only able to print one new book each year. To
address the programming needs of mature CFM groups, veteran CFMer Jule Ward is
working with the National CFM Program Committee and her Chicago-area CFM group
to create meetings for the second half of family life, Called to Wisdom. These special meetings
are a benefit of membership in CFM-USA. Thank you to Jule and her group for
seeing, judging and taking action.
Future topics for
Called to Wisdom will be announced in
ACT, including “Toward a Simple
Life,” “Blessings of Doing Without,” and “Rediscovering Your Spouse.” Current
members may order the first complete Called to Wisdom meeting, “The Empty
Nest: Where Have All the Children Gone,” from the national office by calling
812-962-5508 or emailing office@cfm.org.
Electronic
publishing, while not replacing our printed annual program books, allows groups
to branch out and try new ideas. Some program resources are available for
download from our website. For instance, you will find a bonus chapter for the
2009 printed book, Works of Mercy: Acts
of Love, on the annual programs page http://www.cfm.org/programs.html#annual.
The 10-meeting printed book addresses the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy
as they are lived in our families. Group members may wish to use the bonus
meeting, “Admonish the Sinner,” in addition to or in place of one of these
meetings.
Upcoming CFM
programs in print format will include a family-centered reflection on the Ten
Commandments in 2010 and a program book on the saints in 2011. In offering Called to Wisdom and other electronic
meeting resources, CFM can now provide members with new ways to explore and
address timely topics that impact their lives. Visit the CFM webpage, http://www.cfm.org/special.html#mtg
for more special meeting topics.
Called to
Wisdom: New Meeting
Resource for Action Groups
Below is a taste
of Called to Wisdom, a new series of CFM meeting chapters being developed
for members in the second half of family life. The inaugural meeting, “The Empty
Nest” is printed here in abbreviated form.
If you are a
current CFM member, please call 812-962-5508 or email the CFM national office,
office@cfm.org, for the complete meeting, including opening and closing prayers,
additional Scripture reflection, and more Observes, Judges, and Action ideas.
Please make copies for current group members only.
The Empty Nest:
Where Have All the Children Gone?
Scripture
Reflection
“My child, be attentive to my words;
incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them escape from your sight; keep
them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to
all their flesh.”
Proverbs
4:20-27
·
In what way have
our instructions to our children, resembled these words of our Divine
Father?
SOCIAL
INQUIRY
When our last
child leaves home to set up an autonomous household, no amount of practical
preparation or intellectual assent prepares us for the emotional shock. The
whole time our children have been growing up, we have always assured ourselves
that our goal in spending decades raising them has been to forge independent,
capable adults. Suddenly, however, we find that there are no rules for
negotiating this new stage of life.
We expect to enjoy our own newly achieved independence. Instead, we find ourselves
worrying. “Are they still overly
dependent on us?” “Why aren’t they going to Mass?” Should we be quiet if we
think they are drinking too much? Or not managing money well? Instead of
satisfaction, we find anxiety. Instead of relaxation, we discover
tension.
For the most
part, we have raised our children with more freedom than our parents allowed us.
Yet, when we see them making poor decisions, we want to race in and rescue them.
We want them to bring us their challenges, their anxieties, and the issues they
are struggling with. We think we have good advice they will wish to receive.
For their part,
our grown children are also testing this new relationship. They struggle to see
us as people with roles and desires beyond parenting. Our flaws become more
apparent to them, but they wish they could restore us to our pedestals. Our
attempts to help and counsel are perceived as meddling. They resist our
solutions to their problems because it is time for them to forge their own
independent path.
Observe
1.
Ask your grown
children, “What was the best advice, we ever gave you?”
2.
Describe the most
rewarding part of your relationship with your grown children.
3.
List some ways
you believe that CFM could better serve families whose children are leaving
home.
Judge
1.
In what way are
your grown children’s values different from yours? Can you live with
this?
2.
Is it a good idea
help adult children out financially when they experience hard times?
3.
How do you feel
about your adult children’s life situation? What worries you? What gives you
satisfaction?
Act
1.
Plan a date to
spend time doing something fun with your grown children.
2.
Write a letter to
a grown child, expressing your pride in being his/her parent.
3.
Share hospitality
with young adults in your parish who are living far away from home and
family.
Another ACTION
IDEA: Consider trying the “Empty Nest” Called to Wisdom meeting with your
mature CFM group or as an outreach and CFM promotion to parishioners entering
this stage of family development.
A Call to
Action by Bob and Anne
Tomonto
Last year, the
Archdiocese of Miami announced a substantial reduction of staff. Programs
affected include Engaged Encounter, marriage enrichment, youth and young adult
ministry, and Respect Life. Anne and I met through a retreat for young adults
when we were in college, so we are among those who have benefitted over the
years from vital family ministry programming.
The experience of
a tightening budget and the need to make difficult choices regarding staff and
programming is not unique. Many CFM members have reported similar experiences in
their own diocesan offices and in their parishes. The loss of staff positions
and the effect this has on programming, while very hard for all those involved,
also offers opportunities for lay leadership through organizations such as the
Christian Family Movement. The needs of families have never been greater, and
the gaps between these needs and the ability of a diocese to respond will always
exist. How can CFM meet the increasing need for lay leadership in tough economic
times?
Based on the
teaching of Cardinal Joseph Cardijn, CFM involves families in the process of
“observe, judge, act.” When CFMers observe, we start with life itself. When we
judge, we look at life through faith. When we act, we strive to transform life,
infusing our homes, parishes and communities with the love of Christ. How does
the reality of a smaller professional family life ministry staff, when viewed
from the perspective of families very much in need of support and enrichment,
call us to action?
Recently, our CFM
groups in the
This CFM action
has provided encouragement to many couples as well as strengthened the marriages
of our CFMers. This is one idea. We
are sure your CFM group can observe, judge, and act to respond to the specific
needs of the families in your parish and community.
We are the hands
and feet of Christ. Where we work, He works; where we walk, He walks. With the
uncertainty in many dioceses across the country, members of the Christian Family
Movement have a new opportunity to step up and practice what we have been
advocating for 60 years – to serve others as lay leaders, as a community of
“doers.”
With Love,
Bob
Bob and Anne
Tomonto are members of St. Louis Parish CFM, Miami,
Fla.
Spiritual Director’s Discourse
by Father
Tom Rzepiela
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
to all you CFMers! May Our Newborn King and Savior bless you and your families
and CFM and all of our efforts to continue to live for His Kingdom. And, may the
New Year find you in God’s peace and love.
This time of the year is always so
special. It is the holiday season of preparation and festivities. It is a very
special time for us to spend quality moments of love with our family and our
friends. It is the season of love – God’s gift of His own
Son.
Everyone likes to receive gifts. And
children especially look forward to Christmas with the hope of receiving many
gifts. We spend hours shopping for the perfect gift to give our loved
ones.
Christmas is about the gift of Jesus
to all of us.
I would like to share with you one
of my favorite reflections regarding gifts:
PERSONS AS
GIFTS
Persons are Gifts which the Father
sends to us wrapped.
Some are wrapped very beautifully;
they are very attractive when I first see them.
Some come in very ordinary wrapping
paper. Others have been mishandled
in the mail.
Once in a while there is a “Special
Delivery.”
Some persons are gifts which come
loosely wrapped; others very tightly.
But the wrapping is not the
gift.
It is easy to make this mistake…it’s
amusing when babies do it.
Sometimes the gift is very easy to
open up.
Sometimes I need another’s
help. Is it because they are
afraid?
Does it hurt? Maybe they have been opened up and
thrown away before…
Could it be that the gift is not for
me?
I am a person. Therefore I am a gift
too.
A gift to myself, first of all. The
Father gave myself to me.
Have I ever really looked inside the
wrapping? Afraid to? Perhaps I never accepted the gift that I
am…
Could it be that there is something
else inside the wrappings than what I think there is?
Maybe I’ve never seen the wonderful
gift that I am?
Could the Father’s gifts be anything
but beautiful?
I love the gifts which those who
love me give to me; why not this gift from the Father?
And I am a gift to other
persons.
Am I willing to be given by the
Father to others? As a man or woman for others?
Do others have to be content with
the wrappings….never permitted to enjoy the gift?
Every meeting of persons is an
exchange of gifts.
But a gift without a giver is not a
gift; it is a thing devoid of a relationship to a giver or a
givee.
Friendship is a relationship between
persons who see themselves as they truly are;
gifts of the Father to each other
for others… brothers and sisters.
A friend is a gift not just to me
but to others through me…
When I keep my friend – possess him
– I destroy his “Gift-ness.”
If I save his life for me I lose it
for others.
Persons are gifts, gifts received
and gifts given, like the Son.
Friendship is the response of a
person to the gifts given by the Father.
Friendship is the
Eucharist.
Each of us is truly a gift – made in
the image of God. We are a gift to ourselves and to others. In this season of
gift-giving and the gift of Jesus, may we truly celebrate the “gift” that we are
and the gift that we can become because Jesus was born in a stable for us to
journey with Him.
May your journey into the New Year
be one full of the Lord’s life and love.
Father Tom Rzepiela is Pastor of St. Thomas of Villanova Parish, in
Palatine, Ill.
Parent to Parent
– Time to Play
by Mary Lou
Gorman
Parents, do not
deprive your children of free play time. Dr. Stuart Brown, a pioneering
researcher of play, tells us with play we lead a better life. Play can give us
empathy and trust. Children’s play together teaches them socialization skills.
Too much organized play takes away from their free play time.
To be better
parents, we need to play with our children. You learn a lot about them when you
play with them. You see how they react in many different kinds of situations.
Through play you can understand them better and you can help them become better
citizens. Play creates winning and losing situations which will be part of their
lives as they grow up. Play can involve risks which may help them in later
life.
Remember how you
used to play—before video games and all the structured events were in
fashion? Choose toys and gifts for
your child that are “ingredients” that will enhance their free play, such as
things for dress-up, art supplies, tools, balls, and boxes for building and
hiding in. Use your imagination!
Play is anything
you do for its own sake so even prayer can be a kind of play. Prayer as play
brings peace and harmony into a family. When play – like prayer – is a habit
with us, our families are blessed.
Mary Lou and her
late husband, Phil Gorman, of Arlington Heights, Ill., joined CFM in
1953.
PUTTING CHRIST
BACK INTO CHRISTMAS
by Anna
Kieliszewski
“Rejoice,
Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to you, O Israel.”
This line comes
from one of my favorite Advent songs.
It reminds me of how God loved us so much that he sent Jesus to be with
us. Advent is the time we prepare
ourselves for the day Jesus will come again. It is also the time we prepare to
celebrate the birth of Christ, Christmas.
But what happened? Our
society says it is the time to buy and do more! It is the time to offer the best foods,
throw the best parties, pick the right gift...
Yikes! Now is the time to return to the
“basics,” to focus more on the presence of Jesus in our lives. For many
experiencing the impact of challenging economic times, the journey away from
commercialism is even truer this year. We remember that God came to save us and
that in God’s time the answer will be revealed.
We all want our
children to be happy. We are
bombarded daily by media on how we must buy the right toy to make our children
happy. How do you teach your
children that being given everything will not bring happiness? How do we show them that it is not right
for us to own the best video system in the world when there are others who
cannot afford food? We try so hard to make Christmas so SPECIAL that we forget
that the real “specialness” happened when Jesus was born.
The holiday
season is filled with opportunities for service. I know one family who has their
children go through their “gently-used” toys and select gifts for children who
have very few toys. What service do
you do with your family?
What other ways
could you reach out to others?
Maybe you know a family that is out of work. Could you invite them over
to share a meal? Could you
volunteer to watch their children so they could go on a date? Maybe you could
give them a membership to CFM.
Let us pray that
the gift we were given in Jesus will be shared with others today and every day.
Merry Christmas and blessings to everyone in the New Year!
Ken and Anna
Kieliszewski, parents of two children, have been
members of CFM at St. Thomas of Villanova Parish, Palatine, Ill., since
2003.
Live in Hope
by Lauri Przybysz
I see my friend, a faithful
church-goer who is active in her parish, just a few times a year. Each time we
meet, she reports wistfully that her two adult sons don’t have any plans for
marriage to their long-time girlfriends. She’s longing for grandchildren. She is
not alone. Many parents of young adults see no weddings on the horizon. The
number of Church weddings has declined more than 30% in the past 12 years, a
rate similar to that for civil marriages. Why are young people, even those from
Christian families, shying away from marriage?
The generational trend away from
marriage seems to be based on fear of the unknown. What if we end up like so
many of our friends? How can we know that we will still be in love many years
down the road? What if I get my
heart broken? These fears are paralyzing the next generation and robbing them of
the hope they need to risk marriage and commitment. The world needs a renewal of
hope, and the world needs marriage to show that hope is alive.
The U.S. Catholic Church has
addressed these concerns in a four-year National Pastoral Initiative on
Marriage, producing an excellent website www.foryourmarriage.org and a pastoral
letter that takes these issues seriously. CFM urges those who are married and
those who are contemplating marriage to honestly seek the guidance and grace of
the Holy Spirit for their own marriages and those of their friends and
families.
In Christian Marriage: The New Challenge
(Liturgical Press, 2007), Dr. David Thomas is optimistic about the future of
marriage: “While marriage is going through some difficult times, it will
survive. It is part of the hope that is the substance of faith.” Christian
marriage is part of what Pope Benedict calls “the Christian project” in his
encyclical on hope, Spe Salvi. Each
Christian is called to be a person who thinks of others first, and married
people live this vocation intimately with our spouses and our children. The hope
that we have in Christ allows us to enter a partnership in which, as Pope
Benedict says, “we escape from the prison of our ‘I’,” and find fulfilling love.
Consider how his words apply to your marriage:
- “Christians should never limit
themselves to asking: how can I save myself? We should also ask: what can I do
in order that others may be saved and that for them too the star of hope may
rise?”
- “No one lives alone. No one sins
alone. No one is saved alone. The lives of others continually spill over into
mine: in what I think, say, do, and achieve. And conversely, my life spills
over into that of others: for better or for worse.”
- The true stars in our life are the
people who have lived good lives. They are lights of hope. Certainly, Jesus
Christ is the true light…but to reach him we also need lights close by—people
who shine with his light and so guide us along the way.”
Christians are Easter people, people
who have hope that life will conquer death, despite all evidence to the
contrary. The same hope that guided Jesus’ followers as they journeyed into the
uncertain future also sustains your marriage. In your marriage, you cannot know
exactly what your future will look like, but you have promised to go there
together.
John and Lauri Przybysz live in
Severna Park,
About some saints
who made a difference
By Paul R.
Leingang
I can be
irritated in traffic when someone else gets ahead of me. I can’t imagine what it
was like to live the life of St. Jeanne Jugan.
She founded the
Little Sisters of the Poor, but never received credit during her lifetime for
what she had accomplished.
Instead, a priest
insinuated himself into the story, claiming a leadership role in the
establishment of the religious community that now serves the elderly poor
throughout the world. She bowed to his grab for power, and devoted her life to
prayer and service to others.
The story
ultimately came out, but not until long after the death of the woman who has now
been canonized a saint.
When Pope
Benedict declared St. Jeanne Jugan and four other new saints of the Church, he
praised their “luminous example” and said they were people who “did not put
themselves at the center, but chose to go against the current and live according
to the Gospel.”
*
*
*
The story of St.
Jeanne Jugan is outrageous.
It is unjust.
Unfair. But not uncommon, nor confined to the lives of the
saints.
In the world of
science, Marie Curie coined the word “radioactivity” and overturned the world of
physics and chemistry with her discoveries. Ultimately she overcame society’s
disregard for the work of a woman and received acknowledgment for her
contribution to science and society, but as Albert Einstein purportedly said,
she was probably the only person who was not corrupted by the fame that she had
won.
St. Damien, the
priest who devoted his life to the lepers on
St. Damien was
another of the saints canonized with St. Jeanne Jugan. I wonder how many others
who lived lives of saintly sacrifice will never receive such official
recognition.
*
*
*
It is a struggle,
this notion of service to others without seeking to be appreciated.
It may be often
the experience of a parent during the days of a child’s rebellion. It may be the
real life of a caregiver during years of service to someone incapable of
gratitude. It may be the loss of friendship suffered for the sake of
intervention into another’s struggle with addiction. It may be the only way to
make a difference in the life of a child, a parent or a
friend.
I remember
clearly the reaction of a young man the first time he helped serve food at a
shelter. “I gave the man a sandwich and he didn’t even thank me.” After
reflecting on that experience, the young man became aware of the reality that
the call of the Gospels is to service, not to gratitude.
Our calling is
not to sit at the right or at the left, but to realize that “whoever wishes to
be great among you will be your servant” and “whoever wishes to be first among
you will be the slave of all.” (Mark 10)
*
*
*
Take the time
today to reflect on the experiences you have had of being pushed down, or of the
times you came in second.
Reflect too on
the life and times of those around you, the unhealthy ones to be avoided, those
who don’t speak the language of the majority, the ungrateful, the
unlovely.
It is a challenge
to pray for the pushy while seeking justice for those beneath their feet. To see
Jesus not only in the hopeful smile of a hungry child, but also in the wild eyes
of an old man in pain. To make a difference for another who is not
grateful.
Paul Leingang is
director of communications for the Diocese of Evansville in Indiana, and editor
of the Message, the diocesan newspaper. His award-winning weekly column, Taking the Time to Make a Difference, is syndicated in a
number of diocesan newspapers. Paul and his wife, Jane, are members of CFM in
|
CFM Honor Roll of Donors Donations made to the Christian Family Movement October 20, 2008 - October 19, 2009 Donations to the General Fund: | Joe and Jodie Adler | Don and Mary Hardy | John and Lauri Przybysz | Sue and Rick Bade | Don and Helen Heyrman | Martin and Katherine Quigley | Bill and Joann Baker | Fausto and Mary Hidalgo | Hugh and Cathy Rafferty | Doug and Maryellen Bashioum | Don and Marty Huber | Todd and Tarra Richard | Pete and Carolyn Broeren | Bev and Jim Johnson | Rev. Tom Rzepiela, St. Thomas of Villanova Catholic Church |
Joseph Bonsignore | Anthony and Suzanne Kosiba | Rev. Paul Sabo | Tom and Judi Booms | John and Janet Kowal | Beverly Schiffer | Ken and Nancy Bossong | Dave Langer and Donna Richard-Langer | Rosemary Schmitt | Richard and Marianne Boyak | Paul and Jane Leingang | Jerry and Marilyn Sexton | Rev. Raymond Brenner | Pete and Jan LeTourneau | John and Ana Stanham | John and Pat Ciprian | Frank and Elaine Lorenz | Pete and Pat Stevenson | Jane Clark | Ray and Dru Maldoon | Jack Sullivan | George and Betty Jane Davis | Chuck and Barb Mathey | Brian and Mary Ann Thelen | James and Louise Doering | Ken and Kitty McGinity | Stephen and Joan Tracy | John and Kathy Dogger | Joe and Patty Messina | Dave and Carol Tykocki | Ray and Eleanor Ensroth | Harry and Pat Michalski | Dan and Jeannette Van Belleghem | Robert and Angela Filler | Dick and Faye Miltenberger | Steve and Nicole VanderVoort | Jerry Fraser | John and Mary Moosbrugger | Bob and Jan Wedig | Ralph and Rosemary Frid | Rev. C.E. Nelson | Dave and Debbie Weidner | Diane Gavin | Ronald and Ellen Olech | Doug and Barbara Wyman | Kenneth and Sharon Gorski | Harry J. Opila | Mark Zachary | Tom and Mary Kay Halpin | Tom and Barbara Pluta | Ray Zagorski | Wayne and Sue Hamilton | John and Mary Poprac | Bob and Clara Zoeller |
| In Memory of Pat and Patty Crowley: | In Memory of James R. (Bob) Tomonto: |
| Claude and Carol Creswell | Nicole Brettell, on behalf of the PTO of Nativity School, Alexandria, VA |
| Pete and Carolyn Broeren | |
| Mary Lou Gorman | |
| In Memory of Bernie Daly: | Wayne and Sue Hamilton |
| Dan and Mary Maher | Paul and Jane Leingang |
| James and Carin Maclean | |
| Ray and Dru Maldoon | |
| In Memory of Erika Pluta Diamond: | John and Lauri Przybysz |
| Tom and Barbara Pluta | Terry and Jean Smith |
| Timothy and Patricia Yeager | |
| Deacon Robert and Barbara Yglesias | |
| In Memory of Gerard F. Einloth for Membership Expansion: | |
| Marty Einloth | |
| In Memory of Bob Tomonto, Mildred Buboliz, Albin Getspudas, and Leroy Hoenig: | |
| Gary and Kay Aitchison | |
| In Memory of Mike Giroux: | |
| Douglas Andrew | |
| Kendall Auto Parts | In Memory of Miriam Trosclair and Rocco Andriello: |
| Sharon Venker | Bob and Clare Trosclair |
| Deacon Robert and Barbara Yglesias | |
| Harry Zimmerman | |
| In Memory of Deceased Members of the CFM Program Committee: | |
| Dan and Mary Maher | |
| In Memory of Gil Hans: | |
| Barb Hans | |
| In Honor of Patty Crowley: | |
| Rita Gambardella | |
| In Memory of Mary A. Larson: | |
| Chuck and Barb Mathey | |
| In Honor of Paul and Jane Leingang: | |
| Mary Lou Gorman | |
| In Memory of Monica Ann LeGere: | Hilda Hahn |
| Frank and Mickey LeGere | |
| In Honor of the 50th Wedding Anniversary of Ed and Sheila Osterhaus: | |
| In Memory of Mary Lenehan: | Paul and Jane Leingang |
| Greg and Brenda Argano | |
| In Honor of Making Strong Families: | |
| In Memory of Dru Maldoon: | Richard and Marianne Boyak |
| Paul and Jane Leingang | |
| On the Occasion of Ava Mary's Baptism: | |
| In Memory of Father Sam Palmer: | John and Lauri Przybysz |
| Rev. William Eckert | |
| In Celebration of CFM's 60th Anniversary: | |
| In Memory of Sarah Jane Plavchan: | William and Kathleen Staudenmaier |
| George and Betty Jane Davis | |
| Crowley Fund for Leadership Development: | |
| In Memory of John Quagliotti, father of Al Quagliotti: | Teresa Barlow |
| Pete and Carolyn Broeren | Joanne Miller |
| In Memory of Jim and Susan Quinlan: | Gorman Fund for Membership Development: |
| Bonnie Quinlin | Larry and Carol Doeling |
| Mary Lou Gorman | |
| Terry and Jean Smith | |
| In Memory of Carolyn Stephen and Paul Sansone: | |
| Leslie J. and Kathleen Miller | |
| On the Occasion of the Feast of the Epiphany: | |
| William and Barbara Ross | |
| In Memory of Audrey Sullivan: | |
| Jack Sullivan | |
| CFM Foundation: | |
| Carl and Margy Matthews | |
| In Memory of James R. (Bob) Tomonto: | |
| Nicole Brettell, on behalf of the PTO of Nativity School, Alexandria, VA | |
| Pete and Carolyn Broeren | In Memory of Norma Herman and Charles Daley: |
| Mary Lou Gorman | Fred and Julia Berning |
| Wayne and Sue Hamilton | |
| Paul and Jane Leingang | |
| James and Carin Maclean | |
| Ray and Dru Maldoon | |
| John and Lauri Przybysz | |
| Terry and Jean Smith | |
| Timothy and Patricia Yeager | |
| Deacon Robert and Barbara Yglesias |