The Online Newsletter of the

Christian Family Movement

April – May 2010 Volume 63, No. 3

Ames CFM celebrates 50 years: A history and future of Christian action

By Gary and Kay Aitchison, CFM, Ames, Iowa

Fifty years is a milestone and an occasion to celebrate. The Ames, Iowa CFM community did just that on January 16, 2010

When the planning for the 50th anniversary got underway some time ago, it was believed that the first CFM group in Ames had begun in 1959. In talking with early members, jogging memories and reconstructing the past, it came to light that the first group likely began meeting sometime in the mid-fifties. Although, that made a 2009-10 commemoration of 50 years a few years late, it gave the federation even more to celebrate.

Ginny Slater was a member of the pioneer group, and was one of those attending the celebration. She reminisced about the group of young married couples brought together by St. Thomas Aquinas pastor Fr. James Supple. Ginny remarked that she and her deceased husband, Barney, were married in 1954 and the group started meeting a few years later. She said that CFM was popular with young married professionals and ISU student couples. Two others from that initial group of six couples, Joe Stritzel and Roger Homer, also attended. Joe said that his late wife Marcella welcomed CFM because it gave her a chance for adult conversation after spending her days with her children. Roger's wife Annette is deceased and he brought his daughter Molly Homer with him.

In 1959, the first group formed at the neighboring parish of St. Cecilia when Liz and Jerry Kraus brought CFM to the parish after moving to town from another community where they had been in a group. Bill and Marlene Weisshaar were in that group and continue to be involved today.

Many remember Marlene as the office secretary when the national office was located in Ames in the 80's and 90's. Her group coordinated the 50th festivities with each of nine CFM groups participating in some part of the planning and carrying out of the celebration.

The 50 families involved in groups today, as well as countless CFM alumni, were invited to the event which began with the Saturday evening Mass at St. Cecilia Church. CFMers were involved in planning the liturgy and participated as deacon, lectors, ushers and offertory gift bearers. The CFM community was welcomed by pastor, Fr. Jim Secora, and seated in a special reserved section of the church.

The celebration continued after the liturgy with a social time in the parish hall that set the stage for the dinner and program. A CFM bulletin board and tables of historical memorabilia were on display.

In the spirit of Observe-Judge-Act, two speakers were chosen to speak. Vic Moss, director of the Emergency Residence Project, and David Sahr, director of Beyond Welfare, shared details of their work with the homeless and disadvantaged in the Ames community. Their challenging presentations are sure to inspire future action from the groups.

Emcees Gary and Kay Aitchison wove strands of the Ames CFM history into the program by enlightening new members and reminding old ones of things like the "yellow book" and the formality of the chaplain's silence at the meetings – until the allotted five minutes at the end when he was invited to comment!

Alice Laabs represented her group in recognizing individuals from the pioneer groups as well as Margaret and Bob Borgmeyer who have been in a group continually for 50 years! She mentioned that two priests have come from CFM families. Fr. Bill Joensen is a priest in the Dubuque diocese. Deacon Andy Vogel will be ordained to the priesthood in June.

The evening ended in true CFM fashion. The assembly rose and together recited the Holy Year Prayer of Pope Pius XII that was originally said at the close of every meeting. Then, Fr. Patrick Geary, retired CFM chaplain, gave a final blessing reminiscent of early CFM meetings.

Attendees went home with a brief printed history of the federation and a partial list of actions from the past 50 years. CFMers who attended a Christian Family Mission Vacation in the late 60's started an Appalachia Committee that exists to this day. And in the early 70's, CFMers brought the Marriage Encounter to the Archdiocese of Dubuque.

As Ames CFM moves forward into its next 50 years, it is alive with enthusiasm and welcoming new, young families who want to enrich their family life, build community, and deepen their faith much as did the Slaters, Homers and Strizels some 50 years ago.

Posing with the display of 50 years of CFM history in Ames, Iowa are Bob and Bonnie Gelina, left, and Joan Jones.

Presidents’ Perspective by Bob and Anne Tomonto

CFM: More than a Movement, a Lifestyle

We were recently invited to dinner with a visiting priest named Fr. James Fedigan, S.J. Living in Florida, we are often blessed with friends and acquaintances fleeing from the cold winters. Fr. Fedigan contacted our family because he had collected the memoirs and selected writings of Rev. Edward Patrick Hogan into a book entitled A People’s Priest. Fr. Hogan, a former CFM Chaplain from Brooklyn, New York, was a friend of Bob’s parents some 36 years ago. Over the years, Fr. Ed would send Christmas cards providing the family with a profile of his priestly formation and would visit in his “yellow cab.”

In reading this book, we came across some excerpts (food for thought) that Fr. Ed shared with Fr. Fedigan:

“As I read Cardinal Cardijn [from whom CFM’s founders learned to Observe, Judge and Act], it became abundantly clear that a priest primarily gives Christ to the layperson – His graces and His doctrine. He is the one who engenders, nourishes, and sustains the layperson, not so much in church activities, but in the marketplace of life. …..”

“I could write much more, but let me conclude this part with two significant statements which have influenced me greatly and which Cardijn made on numerous occasions…he said, Without work there is no bread, no wine, no altar, no Eucharist, no Church. It was his way of linking the dignity of work with the life of faith….It is no wonder that Cardinal Cardijn constantly asked, are you forming ‘missionaries of the interior’ in the very marketplace of their work life, their family life, their culture and their neighborhood?”

“The other significant quote is: Without Christian homes there are no priests, no religious, no missionaries, no apostles. If there is a shortage of priests and religious today, then one must look to how Christian are our homes? What kind of love exists inside them? What kind of value system does the family live by?”

We are reminded of the rich history of CFM – our ties with Marriage Encounter, our influence on the world through ICCFM and Marriage Retorno, and of the many couples and chaplains before us who through their action have formed CFM.

We are a second generation CFM family. Bob’s parents joined CFM more than 50 years ago and served as National CFM President Couple in the 1970’s. Bob was strongly influenced by many CFMers who passed through their home and touched their lives. These family friends like Fr. Ed Hogan, Fr. Jude Mili, Fr. Ed Cantwell, Msgr. Bob Fox (to name only a few) and many CFM families, have had a profound impact on our family.

These CFMers lived the process of social inquiry: Observe, Judge and Act. Most importantly, they acted – made a commitment of time, not just words but deeds. Action is what sets CFM apart from many other movements and programs. Observe and judge:

How well are we maintaining a Christian home?

How well are we living out Christ’s teachings?

How well are we doers and not just hearers?

How well are we reaching out to other families and sharing with them the gifts of CFM?

What stories are we leaving our children?

Will our children be talking thirty years from now about the impact CFM and the Church had on their lives?

Let’s go out and show our love through ACTION.

Love, Bob and Anne

Bob and Anne Tomonto are members of St. Louis Parish CFM, Miami, Fla.

Saving Grace – Scripture Reflection: Genesis 18

Abraham begged God to withhold his wrath against Sodom, a wild city to which Abraham had brought his family. He persists in testing God’s patience by asking whether the Lord would spare the city if 50, then 45, 30, then 20, and finally 10 good men could be found in it.

God knew that, without a supportive community of good families, Abraham’s family would not be able to withstand the pressure to turn away from God. Sodom was a poisoned environment for God’s people. In the end, not even 10 good people could be found in the neighborhood, and Sodom was destroyed. (Today, at least 10 men – a minion – must be present in the Jewish synagogue meeting before prayer can begin.)

We hear it said that it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes more to raise GOOD children. It takes a good village or at least a solid core – say 10 families – which believe and hold Gospel values to maintain a healthy environment for children to grow in.

Observe: Ask two friends, “Can you name 10 good, healthy families with whom you are in regular contact?”

Judge: How has my CFM group created a healthy environment for my family to grow in?

ACT: Invite one more family to join your CFM group.

Family Activity Corner by Anna Kieliszewski

He is Risen, ALLELUIA

Welcome to the Easter season! This is a glorious time when we become more aware that Christ died for our sins and rose from the dead to give us new life. At our parish, we have the risen Christ behind our altar area. It is a constant reminder that Christ walks among us daily. It also reminds me that nothing is impossible with God. My little life worries and problems are nothing compared to the sacrifice Jesus made for each one of us.

We are called to be an Easter people. How are you celebrating in your home? Are your children more focused on the problems of life or are they rejoicing in the love God has for all of us?

For many of us, Spring is FINALLY here! We have had way too much snow and cold. It is time to feel the warmth of the sun, see the blooming flowers, wear no coats…ok, can you tell I had enough winter this year?

Do you know what is celebrated on May 23, 2010?  If you guessed “Pentecost Sunday” you are correct. This is the birthday of our Church! We celebrate the Holy Spirit coming to the disciples in the Upper Room and challenging them to go forward and spread the Gospel message. How are you going to celebrate? One possibility is making a cake and singing Happy Birthday to the Church. Then spend some time with your family (or CFM community) sharing how the Church is important in your life. Ask your children, “What does it mean to be a member of Christ's Church?” Have them ask their grandparents or other relatives this question. The more we teach our children about our faith, the more they begin to understand it. Share with them why you are a Christian and what belonging to your parish means to you. Do an internet search with them to find out what we truly believe in our faith. Then, come up with concrete ways to more fully live that faith through action as disciples of Jesus Christ.

Happy Birthday everyone! May our faith continue to be alive in each of us and the world around us!

Ken and Anna Kieliszewski, parents of two children, have been members of CFM at St. Thomas of Villanova Parish, Palatine, Ill., since 2003.

Report from the winter meeting of the CFM National Leadership Team

Submitted by Missy Parkison, Executive Director

The board of directors and executive director couple of CFM-USA gathered in Arlington Heights, Illinois for their winter meeting, February 19-21, 2010. The meeting was hosted by St. Edna parish CFM. The national leadership team also had an opportunity to spend time with Holy Family CFM in neighboring Inverness, and St. Thomas of Villanova CFM in near-by Palatine. CFM in the Chicago area is vibrant and inspiring!

The board of directors meets twice a year to coordinate their work in service to the families of CFM. They observe CFM’s current membership and financial information, judge this national picture in light of the Movement’s mission to families, and adopt specific actions that will better advance that mission. One essential component of CFM at the national level is programming. The Program Committee discussed social inquiry book concepts for 2010, 2011, and 2012.

This board meeting was the first for our new Spiritual Director, Rev. Thomas R. Rzepiela, pastor of St. Thomas of Villanova parish. Fr. Tom was a wonderful source of spiritual support for the board throughout the weekend. This board meeting marked the end of tenure for directors Andy and Judy Pozdol, Our Lady of the Wayside CFM, Arlington Heights, Illinois. Andy will remain as webmaster for CFM-USA. The board also took the opportunity to publicly recognize Les and Kathleen Miller, also of Our Lady of the Wayside, for their ongoing commitment to CFM and for Kathleen’s service as editor of ACT newsletter. Past-president Lauri Przybysz is now serving as ACT editor.

The work of CFM on the national level is ongoing, just as it is on the local level. The mission of CFM is bold and challenging. It takes the efforts of all the member families of the Christian Family Movement to advance that mission in our homes, parishes, and communities. Just as the fun and fellowship of each action group meeting energizes families for action locally, the fun and fellowship the national leadership team enjoyed at their winter meeting will carry them forward in their work on behalf of CFM-USA.

Spiritual Director’s Discourse by Father Tom Rzepiela

And Life Moves On!

In most parishes, there are usually a lot of meetings to plan and execute parish events and happenings. And, of course, everyone wants the Pastor present at each and every meeting and parish doing. Sometimes I need to scoot among three or four meetings each evening. The expectations of people are high and, in many instances, unrealistic. There are times when I am meeting-ed out! And in between and beyond all these meetings, I am expected to pray, preach, administrate and minister to the entire flock. Life is not fair! But God is so good and present to us.

So why would I look forward to a three-day meeting? Especially during Lent, a prime-time period to celebrate with my flock? What would I bring to this three-day meeting, and, naturally, what will I get out of it myself?

Well, this meeting experience is unique because of the depth of love people have for each other and God. You see, I just came back from my first board meeting as Spiritual Director of the Christian Family Movement of the United States of America. It was for me a very powerful experience of the presence of God in my life and in our part of the world. This winter board meeting saw your leadership seeking to build a better CFM, a better world, a better understanding of our individual relationship with God. Yes, there was a lot of “business’ which was taken care of. But there were moments of prayer and celebration and remembrances of how blessed we are to know and experience this loving God who, in His Divine Providence, has called us into a leadership role. While we ate, prayed, celebrated, discussed, planned, and even disagreed, it was still all about God entering into the lives of His people so that we can bring His love to others. I witnessed us not doing “our business” but “God’s business” of peace and love in our world. And it was awesome. Throughout the weekend, I wondered why these men and women would choose to travel away from family and home for three days to the winter snow and cold of Chicago. But each time I wondered, I immediately knew the answer: it was their deep love for the Lord and their experience of His love as found in the Christian Family Movement. I was proud to be part of this group of faith-filled people. And I think God was proud of us. And you should be too!

And life moves on! Now that we have journeyed through Lent, we have arrived at Holy Week and the glorious mystery of the Resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ. We have prayed and celebrated at the empty tomb and remembered the invitation to live life to the fullest—forever.

We are an Easter people who are alive with the mystery of God’s love as found in our own hearts and deep faith. We must speak, breathe, and live God’s message of hope and New Life for all. This, too, is doing “God’s business.” As CFMers we are to act like Jesus – bringing new hope and joy to a downtrodden, war-torn, suffering world. We are to bring New Life to all of God’s people but especially to those who inhabit our own little part of the world – our immediate family members, our extended family, our parish and our friends, our communities. May we truly celebrate the gift and Life of Easter!

And life moves on! After we journey through Easter, we celebrate in the month of May some very special people who love us into life. We pray in a special way for all mothers – God, grand, step and expectant. And we pray for all dads who must also be a mother to their children as they single-parent them because of life’s circumstances. We also remember in prayer all who “mother” us with God’s love.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who are our moms! After all, you bring us closer to God through your loving self.

Father Tom Rzepiela is Pastor of St. Thomas of Villanova Parish, in Palatine, Ill.

Parent to Parent by Mary Lou Gorman

Be on the Alert

Don’t believe “It can’t happen to my child.” A neighbor of mine just had her seventeen-year-old son put into a heroin rehab center. She regrets not realizing he was in trouble. Kids get into emotional trouble when they get rejected for some reason, when their grades get too low, when they think life has let them down. It is up to us as parents to look for signs of this.

What are the signs that a child is having problems? Being alone in his room for long periods of time, leaving the house and not saying where he is going, picking at his food or changing some of his behaviors—all are signs of a problem.

Talking with a child is one sure way of locating a problem early. In our family, we used to go around the dinner table and tell our high point of the day and our low point of the day. Everyone did this and it sure helped us to know what was going on in everyone’s life. Guiding our children through their problems is our job and knowing how they are feeling emotionally is a start.

What other positive steps can you take? Keep them busy. Make sure you are feeding their interests. You can’t know them if you don’t talk with them. Feed their spiritual lives so they can cope with setbacks and always be on the alert for trouble—before they need a rehab center!

Mary Lou and her late husband, Phil Gorman, of Arlington Heights, Ill., joined CFM in 1953.

Your Marriage the Great Adventure by Lauri Przybysz

Staying in Step

This winter, my husband and I had been cooped up in the house for days by the record snowstorm that dumped 40 inches on Baltimore. Cabin fever had taken a toll on our patience with each other, and we both knew we needed some exercise and a change of scenery. Now we were finally out, walking in the mall. John was in no hurry; I was ready to shop. He wasn’t keeping up with my pace. Before long, it was clear that I had to be intentional about keeping in step with him, resisting the urge to rush ahead on my own. We held hands, which kept us from losing each other in the crowd. I suddenly had an insight into what it takes to be married and be happy: In marriage, a life-long walk together, it can be a challenge to stay in sync, but it is all about staying connected.

To maintain their relationship over time, husbands and wives need to keep in step with each other. Marriage should not cause husbands and wives to lose their individuality or particular interests, but it does challenge us to keep the bonds between us strong. As the Apostle told the church at Philippi, “…Complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking one thing. Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but (also) everyone for those of others” (Philippians 2:2-4). Being “one of heart” is like having a connection that is elastic enough for each to pursue interests and dreams, yet strong enough to preserve our married love, to keep us in step with each other.

Each season of life brings very worthwhile commitments that can distract us from that person we vowed to love and honor all our days. When we are newly weds, we soon have to decide how to blend our lives. For instance, how much time to spend with treasured friends from our single days. Also, our families of origin make claims on us, and we have to negotiate with them and each other how to relate to them as a couple. When children come along and take over our lives, new moms must take care to pay attention to new dads. In those days, it can be difficult to remember that we are lovers first and parents second. As we advance in careers and community activities, so many essential events demand our presence. In middle age, our older parents need us, and our hobbies beckon us. It can be easy for couples to lose touch and discover they are strangers. There will never be a time that we won’t have to intentionally choose to nurture our marriage and keep our union a priority. When we attend to staying in touch in our relationship, we are tapping into the Source of the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage.

What have you done for your marriage today? What one change can you make that could help you keep up with one another better? You will find some ideas at www.foryourmarriage.org.

John and Lauri Przybysz live in Severna Park, Md., and have six children and 13 grandchildren. Lauri is coordinator of marriage and family enrichment for the Archdiocese of Baltimore.

Taking the Time to Make a Difference by Paul R. Leingang

Thinking about the family of God, our family

It was remarkable that way he referred to “our” parish.

I was speaking with Butch Feulner, an active member of St. Joseph Church in Vanderburgh County, about parish efforts in Haiti.

The occasion for our conversation was the relief effort under way following the terrible earthquake in Haiti, but the assistance given to a parish in Haiti by this parish in southwestern Indiana is part of a long-term relationship.

Over and over, Feulner referred to “our parish” – and at times, I had to check over my notes to see if he was talking about the parish in Indiana or the parish in Haiti.

Never once in our conversation did he say, “They have a grade school” or anything similar. He said, “We have a grade school.” “We have a high school.” “We have a clinic.”

St. Joseph Church is one of about 20 churches in our diocese with a “twin” parish or mission in Haiti, arranged through the Parish Twining Programs of the Americas, headquartered in Nashville.

Each of theses parishes in Indiana – their pastors and their parishioners – have developed a relationship with the parish leaders and people in Haiti. They all have the right – along with the challenges and the joys – to refer to “our” parish, “our” orphanage, “our” mission. And truth be told, the parishes in Haiti are able also to refer to “our” parishes in Indiana.

What would it be like, I wonder, if we all responded to the challenge of Jesus to accept each other as brother and sister, children of “Our Father” in heaven?

I have never been to Haiti (in part because a trip planned some years ago was cancelled out of concern for political upheaval at the time). But I can say that I have experienced a similar relationship.

It is still difficult for me to understand – certainly not to accept or forgive – some caustic comments made by a relative of mine in regard to the entire population of Mexico.

I was offended by this relative’s insult to “our” Marukita – a member of a family who had hosted my wife and me when we attended a conference in Merida, capital of Yucatan, in Mexico. Marukita later came to visit us in Indiana. We returned for her wedding in Merida. She and my wife continue their connection on Facebook. Marukita is not one of them. She is part of us.

* * *

The problems in Haiti are overwhelming, and no personal relationship is required to send a contribution. In fact, we could say that one of the most inspirational realities about our faith tradition is that so many people are willing to assist total strangers.

That is the lesson taught by Jesus in Matthew 25, when “the righteous” will wonder what the Son of Man is saying when he says, “I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.” The answer, we have all heard often: “Whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.”

Jesus is the one who not only restored unity between God and humankind; he is the one who has made it possible to put an end to all divisions between us and them. It is time for all of us to do our part to continue to bring about this unity within the great family of humanity; it is our family.

* * *

Take the time to share the good things you have received with those who have lost the few good things they may once have had.

Take the time to get to know people in other places, other circumstances, or of other races or faith traditions.

Take the time to acknowledge that the needs of our family do not end when the dead are buried or when the disaster falls off the front page.

It takes time to make a difference.

Paul Leingang is director of communications for the Diocese of Evansville in Indiana, and editor of the Message, the diocesan newspaper. His award-winning weekly column, Taking the Time to Make a Difference, is syndicated in a number of diocesan newspapers. Paul and his wife, Jane, are members of CFM in Evansville.