The Online Newsletter of the
Christian Family Movement
June – July 2010 Volume 63, No. 4
What’s next for CFM? 2010 program, Foundations of Family Living, features the Ten Commandments
Members of
the Christian Family Movement, in their action groups, parishes and homes, will
study, pray and act to make a difference as they reflect on the Ten
Commandments in the coming program year.
The Ten Commandments can be a
fruitful source of reflection and action for Christians. Pope Benedict XVI
spoke of the Ten Commandments while visiting the Jewish Community at the Grand
Synagogue in Rome in January 2010. During his visit, the Holy Father reflected
on the centrality of the Ten Commandments, often called the Decalogue, as a
common ethical message of permanent value for all God’s people. .
In his
speech, the pope stated: “To witness that the family continues to be the
essential cell of society and the basic environment in which human virtues are
learned and practiced is a precious service offered in the construction of a
world with a more human face.” Next year, CFM groups will plan concrete ways to
put the virtues of the Ten Commandments into action in their homes, parishes
and communities.
The pope
said the Ten Commandments or Decalogue (which come from the Bible in Exodus
20:1-17; Deuteronomy 5:1-21) is “a guiding star of faith and morals for the
people of God, and it also enlightens and guides the path of Christians. It
constitutes a beacon and a norm of life in justice and love, a ‘great ethical
code’ for all humanity.” He noted that “Jesus himself recalled this frequently,
underlining the need for active commitment in living the way of the
Commandments: ‘If you wish to enter into life, observe the Commandments’
(Matthew 19:17).”
From this
perspective, Pope Benedict saw three areas in which the Ten Commandments
instruct and inspire both Christians and Jews to take action for the Kingdom of
God:
1. We are
called to recognize one Lord. “Reawakening in our society openness to the
transcendent dimension, witnessing to the one God, is a precious service which
Jews and Christians can offer together.”
2. We are
called to respect life and to protect it against every injustice and abuse,
recognizing that each person is created in the image and likeness of God.
“Bearing witness together to the supreme value of life against all selfishness
is an important contribution to a new world where justice and peace reign, a
world marked by that ‘shalom’ which the lawgivers, the prophets and the sages
of Israel longed to see.”
3. We are
to preserve and to promote the sanctity of the family, “in which the personal
and reciprocal, faithful and definitive ‘Yes’ of man and woman makes room for
the future, for the authentic humanity of each, and makes them open, at the
same time, to the gift of new life.”
The Ten
Commandments call us to honor God and family commitments, leading to peace in
the community and salvation of our souls. Anchored as they are in right
relationships in the family, the Ten Commandments offer a fruitful context for
CFMers to learn how to better put their faith in action. All members are
encouraged to renew their memberships for the coming year and invite more
families to join their groups.
Called to Wisdom: New Meeting Resource for Veteran
Groups Continues to Grow
Called to Wisdom, a new series of CFM meeting
chapters being developed for members in the second half of family life, has
become a popular program resource since its inaugural meeting, “The Empty
Nest,” was featured in December ACT.
Veteran CFMer Jule Ward has worked with her Chicago-area group, in coordination
with the national CFM program committee, to write and pilot these meeting 
resources.
Now two
more chapters are available. You may request them by contacting the national
office. Current CFM members: Please call 812-962-5508 or email office@cfm.org for the meetings, including
opening and closing prayers, Scripture reflections, and Observes, Judges, and
Action ideas. CFM is for families at every life stage!
·
Chapter 2: “For Better or Worse, but
not for Lunch: If Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, What about Presence?”
From the Social Inquiry: Each spouse cherishes retirement
dreams, like travel, pursuit of a favorite leisure pastime, perhaps moving to a
new location, but the linchpin is more time for each other. They will be able
to share all three meals together. Gone will be the cup of coffee grabbed on
the way out the door, the dinners interrupted by fidgeting babies and/or
disputing teenagers. Then, one day this reality arrives.
·
Chapter 3: “Opportunities for
Service: Closed Doors, Open Windows”
From the Social Inquiry: After years of parenting and
employment, we may feel exhausted by the tasks already accomplished, be ready
to pitch our tent outside the gates of the city and rest, to take the time to
“smell the roses,” so to speak. Surely, we think, it is time for others to
build, to shelter the homeless. We have spent our resources for years, feeding
the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick, and burying our dead. We
have devoted hours to counseling the doubtful, instructing the ignorant,
forgiving offenses, and bearing wrongs patiently at home and at work. Yet, God
beckons us on. The gates stand open. There is work to be done. Which gate will
we choose?
ACTION IDEA: Invite some friends over for the
evening to try one of the Called to
Wisdom chapters. They might be couples from your old group that have
drifted away or they might be new friends who can experience CFM for the first
time. Share the blessing of CFM—Each one, reach one!
PRAYER (from Chapter 2): Dear God, teach us a new song,
composed of laughter and tears. Teach us to dance a new dance, moving in rhythm
with your plan. Help us to follow your leading, to risk stumbling, to stumble,
to laugh, to try again, knowing you are leading the dance. Amen.
Presidents’
Perspective by
Bob and Anne Tomonto
Summer
Mission Plans for CFM and CFMers
The summer
months give us an opportunity to look back on the past academic year and look
forward to the new academic year. As the hustle and bustle of the kids’ day to
day activities and demands change, more family time becomes possible, at home
and on vacation. Our oldest son, Matt has returned from his first year away as
a college freshmen. Academically he did well, and for this we are proud. But
more importantly, we recognize the changes in our son, his growth in maturity
and sensitivity. We recognize his desire to seek more, to make an impact, to
help and be part of the family, and at the same time his need for some level of
independence.
This summer
we would like to encourage families to reflect on their “family mission plan.”
What is our mission as parents, what are our goals for our children, our
grandchildren and what can we do to accomplish these goals? We hope CFM is part
of your mission plan and we hope that CFM is providing the encouragement and
support you need as couples and families. CFMers are very special – many of our
friends have a real vision of what they need to accomplish in life with their
families. These individuals are less concerned about organizational titles and
more interested in being a witness. The need to be a witness is not about
visibility, as much as it is about being part of the bigger picture – making an
impact on others through your actions.
Reflecting
on the direction of CFM, we are excited about where CFM has been and where CFM
is going. Some highlights:
·
This
spring, the CFM office participated in the Religious Education Conference in
Los Angeles and shared with the attendees the program materials CFM has to
offer. Our appreciation goes out to Tom and Laura Toussaint, Dan and Noreen
Thomas, John and Mary Poprac, St Lawrence Parish CFM in Redondo Beach, Cal.,
and Missy and Paul Parkison.
·
CFM Executive Director Couple Paul and Missy Parkison are attending the
National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers (NACFLM) annual
conference to be held at Xavier University in Cincinnati, Ohio, in June. Paul
and Missy are presenting a workshop and staffing a booth.
·
CFM
has partnered with REACH (Reconstruction Efforts
Aiding Children without Homes) to form a build team traveling to Haiti in July
to provide shelter for orphans.
·
The
CFM summer board of directors meeting will be held at St. Meinrad Archabbey in
southern Indiana the end of July. We will gather in prayer and grow as a
community dedicated to the mission of CFM.
·
The 11th
World Assembly/15th General Assembly of the International
Confederation of Christian Family Movements (ICCFM) will take place in Goa,
India in September 2010. Here many of our past and present board members and
some other very active CFMers will experience CFM from an international
perspective.
·
Also
in September, representatives of CFM-USA will share with the Pontifical Council
for the Family at the Vatican ways the Christian Family Movement helps families
fulfill their call to be evangelizers.
Each of
these events gathers CFMers from local communities, advancing our common
mission and promoting Christian values and morals. Thank you all for standing
up and being a witness.
Enjoy the
summer months,
Bob and Anne
Bob and Anne Tomonto are members of
St. Louis Parish CFM, Miami, Fla.
CFM at the 2010
RECongress: “Incredible Abundance”submitted by Missy
Parkison
The Christian Family Movement hosted an exhibit
booth for the first time this year at the Religious Education Congress hosted
by the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. This annual 
event draws 40,000
Catholics together to celebrate and explore ways to deepen and live their
faith.
Executive director couple Paul and Missy
Parkison traveled to California to represent CFM alongside local CFM couples
from St. Lawrence Martyr parish in Redondo Beach. These local CFMers were
fantastic representatives of CFM-USA. The theme of this year’s Congress was
“Incredible Abundance,” and the atmosphere in the exhibit hall was certainly
charged with faith-filled energy and enthusiasm.
CFMers from all over the country - and beyond -
came by our booth to say hello and share stories of how their family has grown
in faith through membership in the Christian Family Movement. Those less
familiar with CFM were introduced to our process of family faith formation
through action and took away some information and review book copies
to share with others in their home parishes.
Our invitation to participate in this event
provided an opportunity to work on some new promotional material. New brochures
show CFMers in action and reflect our mission with the phrase: “Christian
Family Movement: Families Sharing Faith in homes, at church, with the world!”
If you would like a digital copy of the brochure to print and use locally,
please contact the office.
CFMers know the benefits of Observing, Judging,
and Acting with other families to make a difference in the world. We hope our
work at the Religious Education Congress has advanced our mission by reaching
more families directly and through parish ministers and priests.
Family Activity Corner by Anna Kieliszewski
Summer, Sun, and Service
Yea! It’s
summer! It’s time to take a break from schedules, school work, and rushing
around. The list can go on! I know that the school calendar can feel
overwhelming at times. Summer gives us a chance to go to the local
swimming pool, go camping, visit with relatives, be on vacation, visit a local
museum or just have an impromptu gathering with the neighbors.
What
changes for you in the summer? Do you have your dinner outside on your deck or
patio? What are your family’s summer traditions? How about your faith life? Are
you finding time to relax with God? Are you finding the local church when you
are on vacation? Can a person on vacation find your church?
In the days
of old, most hotels had a list of local churches and times of
services. Well, we are finding this not to be true anymore. We were
surprised recently that more than one hotel had no idea where the closest
Catholic church was, let alone mass times. We looked in the phone book,
but found it very confusing. Ok, if I had been better prepared, I would have
gone to www.masstimes.org ahead of time. Since I didn’t, it took awhile, but we
finally found a church.
This
experience made me think of my local church. Do we have flyers in the hotels in
our area inviting travelers to our parish mass? Maybe your parish has a sign on
the highway telling the mass times – I saw this once in Nebraska. How are you
welcoming travelers? Maybe this could be a service project for your CFM
community. Involve your families. Can you see how exciting it would be
for your children to help with this? Think of this as teaching our
children another form of evangelization.
What other
areas of service could you become involved in this summer? Look around your
neighborhood. Is there someone who needs weeds pulled and flowers planted?
Is there a shut-in who could use a nice note or visit reminding them that
someone cares? We tend to think of service more during Advent or Lent, but
Christ calls us into action at all times of the year.
Blessings
on your summer days! May they be peaceful, relax-ful, and full of fun!
Ken and Anna Kieliszewski, parents
of two children, have been members of CFM at St. Thomas of Villanova Parish,
Palatine, Ill., since 2003.
Spiritual Director’s
Discourse by
Father Tom Rzepiela
In God’s Hands
“Plan to
fail. The road to success is not a straight line. Contingency plans give you
the mental assurance that you’ll be able to adapt to unexpected crises. Know
that it will happen. And when it does, get right back on track, right away.
Success comes with persistence – persistence to overcome challenges and
persistence to see the big picture.”
Did you
read those words in the opening paragraph? Do they make sense to you? Do they
help you understand what life is all about? Can you guess who wrote that
opening paragraph? Would you believe that it was written by the popular doctor,
Dr. Oz? It is taken from a column written by him entitled – “Four Ways to Make
Weight Loss Last.” It is the fourth or last way. I believe, however, that these
words apply not only to weight loss but also to our lives.
I don’t
know any of us who “plan to fail.” No one ever wants to fail! But all of us
know what it is like to have things not go exactly the way we want them. Things
always go wrong! Little things and big things! And our patience gets tested.
What happens is that far too often we think that we are in charge – of our
plans, our events, our goals, our spouse, our children – and even ourselves. We
forget that it is God who is in charge. Yes, it is our life, but our life is
always in God’s hands. Do you remember the saying – “if you want to make God laugh,
just tell Him your plans”?
Summertime
is here and it is supposed to be a more relaxing time for us as things slow
down and we seek to focus more on our family and various summer family
activities. Hopefully, you and your family have made some summer plans to
vacation, relax, and enjoy the summer sun. And hopefully, your work and parish
and volunteer calendars will ease up so that you can spend more time with those
you love.
In June, we
celebrate Graduations, recognizing achievements and academic and leadership
accomplishments. As Dr. Oz wrote – “success comes with persistence.” We also
celebrate Father’s Day, often in ways which are less grand than we did for
Mother’s Day. But we still celebrate Dad. He is a gift from THE FATHER. He
guides us with the firmness and dedication of a faith-filled man who sees and
knows a father’s love. He never gives up hope and continues to help us “see the
big picture.” And although he may not be as patient as Mom, he has those
“contingency plans” which allow us to “adapt to unexpected crises.”
In July, we
celebrate “the American holiday.” Over the July Fourth holiday weekend, I
encourage you to gather as a family to pray in thanksgiving for the gift of
your American freedoms. I am sure that you have some traditions associated with
this unique holiday. So enjoy your summer! Make your plans to relax with God,
with your family and with yourself. It can truly be a time of great peace and
joy with those you love. And just be ready to listen to God laugh – at you and
with you!
Father Tom Rzepiela is Pastor of St. Thomas of Villanova Parish, in
Palatine, Ill.
Your Marriage the Great Adventure by Lauri Przybysz
Stay in the Game
Many famous
people have been caught cheating on their spouses lately. Tiger Woods’ fall
from grace when his infidelities came to light, his subsequent apologies and
return to golf have been examined in gruesome detail. The story sparked a
lively debate in the media about the value of marital fidelity and character.
Where are the role models for faithful, happy marriage?
A different
golf star, Phil Mickelson, won the Masters’ Tournament this year, and we might
learn another marriage lesson from him. Mickelson made marriage news when his
wife, who is battling cancer, joyfully welcomed him at the 18th hole
in Augusta. Psychologist and pundit, Stanton Peele, reflected on the meaning of
their tearful embrace, “For many, the message was, ‘there are more important
things than golf.’ Although I agree with that sentiment, that wasn't the theme
of this particular hug. This could be termed the ‘I won this out of love for
you and because your strength and commitment make me a better human being’
hug.”
Pro golfers
play before huge galleries. People are watching how you “play” your marriage,
especially when you are under stress from challenges, great or small. Knowing
that marriage is important to many more people than just you two can help you
work just a little harder at being patient, kind, and understanding of your
mate. As Peele told his readers in the Huffington Post (April 12, 2010),
“Mickelson played among his best golf ever, at a time when his wife – and he
along with her – is suffering. But she – and his love for her – nonetheless
made him a better golfer. It may only be golf, but that's what love does.”
They say
that married couples should lead each other to heaven. This is because each of
us can become better people, benefitting from the practice marriage gives us at
patience, forgiveness, and humility. Peele took this lesson from the
Mickelson’s display of affection and commitment: “If a marriage succeeds – and
love works – people are made better by the relationship and experience. They
improve their dealings with others and the world – as opposed to either getting
lost in an intense romance, or being dutifully committed to a routine marriage
– and face the world more bravely, fruitfully, and energetically.”
You may not
be famous (or a great golfer) but you may be the only Good News about marriage
that people ever read. Your day-to-day interaction can be a powerful witness to
love and fidelity in a world hungry for good examples.
John and Lauri Przybysz live in
Severna Park, Md., and have six children and 13 grandchildren. Lauri is
coordinator of marriage and family enrichment for the Archdiocese of Baltimore.
Taking the Time to
Make a Difference by
Paul R. Leingang
Along the Property Line: Part II
Earlier
this year, I experienced an unforseen consequence. Or a bad result from a good
intention. Or the consequences of Adam’s fall.
In any
case, I can now report Part II of the experience.
Some weeks
ago, I decided to trim back an overgrown hedge along the property line with my
next-door neighbor. The fence was less than four feet high; the hedge of
euonymous plants had ascended to about 13 feet tall.
My plan was
to trim the hedge back, so that it would be at or below the height of the
fence. When I did that, though, all that remained along the 25-foot length of
fence were four twisted and leaf-less stems of euonymous; all the leafy parts
had come from the upper branches up, down and sideways.
So I cut
down the plants all the way to the ground. Instead of a fence-high hedge, I
have little stubs in bare ground.
The exposed
fence had lots of gaps and twists as boards had been forced apart by the
growing branches of euonymous.
It seemed
only fair to me, that I should offer to re-build the neighbor’s fence that had
been damaged by my hedge, and then we both would benefit from it.
It was the
same kind of idea that led to my cutting back the hedge in the first place.
Unforeseen consequences. Good intentions. You get the picture.
I removed a
few of the crooked and misplaced boards – and one of the fence posts promptly
keeled over. It had rotted through, and, of course, I thought it would be easy
to replace. It was just one post along the fence row.
As I pushed
the section of fencing aside to remove the stub of the rotten post, three more
posts gave way.
Over the
course of some weekends and evenings, with some new posts and boards, the fence
is back up. Some additional nails or screws are still needed, but the fence is
basically whole again.
I have been
eyeing that sagging gate lately, though. It looks like it might be easy to fix,
I think, but then I wonder if I’ll ever learn.
* * *
Property
rights are complicated. In all of the years of living side by side, neither my
neighbor nor I have ever gone to check the city records or surveys, to see
exactly where may lie the exact line of ownership. We live in relative harmony
and good will, balancing in this micro-world of rights and responsibilities, of
common good, of respect for each other.
I can’t
help but think of the reality of unforeseen consequences in the larger world of
nations, and how borders are constructed and maintained.
What was
the Christian reaction to the Berlin Wall? To the barricades isolating
Palestinians in some parts of Israel? To the fence today in some areas between
the United States and Mexico? What will be the result of demanding that people
carry proof of legal immigration in Arizona?
The simplest
solution may have to begin with the acknowledgement that our relationships with
our neighbors are never simple, that unilateral decisions have bilateral
consequences.
The next
step is to move ahead in mutual respect for each other, not through the imposition
of the will of the stronger on the weaker, but always honoring the dignity of
Gods’ sons and daughters on both sides of the fence.
At the
heart of the Christian Family Movement and of other movements springing from
the encouragement of Cardinal Joseph Cardijn is the sequence of “observe, judge
and act.”
Observing
must always come before judgment is made and action is taken; and along our
property lines, the view must always be seen from both sides, if we are to make
a difference that is pleasing to our God and to our neighbors.
Paul Leingang is director of
communications for the Diocese of Evansville in Indiana, and editor of the
Message, the diocesan newspaper. His award-winning weekly column, Taking the
Time to Make a Difference, is syndicated in a number of diocesan newspapers.
Paul and his wife, Jane, are members of CFM in Evansville.
Parent to Parent by Mary Lou Gorman
Teach your Child to Forgive
Many
parents are concerned about their children fighting. First, you need to know
that it’s a way of growing up and you shouldn’t concern yourself too much over
it. Sibling rivalry is a natural consequence of circumstances that happen.
Younger children want to hit back if they think something that happened is
unfair. Many times, a parent does not have to interfere because the children
will settle the matter themselves, but some instances may go too far. When they
do, so no one gets hurt, you need to step in.
Questions
might be asked and these in turn should calm the anger. Sometimes it helps to
separate the fighters and ask them individually what happened. You need to
remain calm so that the children see that anger needs to be softened. It’s up
to the parent to show that reconciliation is the goal. Beyond that, forgiveness
and love need to be fostered. Sometimes, a punishment is necessary and should
be administered to the guilty party who started the fight. Complete separation
cools the tempers and helps the guilty parties think about what they did.
Children
also need to see how parents who argue reconcile with one another and make up.
Teaching children not to hold a grudge is important. Forgive and forget should
be the norm. Remind them that they should ask Jesus for help when they lose
their tempers and that Jesus loves them—and their brother or sister—very much
and wants them to do the right thing.
Being a
good parent (or grandparent!) takes lots of positive modeling. That’s how you
grew up to be so soft tempered! Mom and Dad taught you, right?
Mary Lou and her late husband, Phil
Gorman, of Arlington Heights, Ill., joined CFM in 1953.
Recalling Rev. Wilfred Hansen: A
Tributesubmitted by Ray Maldoon
The Rev. Wilfred Hansen
("Wil") died on April 25th, 2009. Wil was a Protestant minister who
played an active part of the CFM national office in the 1970's. He died in
Ortonville, Minnesota, where he had been the pastor of the Congregational
United Church of Christ. Unfortunately in his last few years he suffered from
Parkinson's disease and other degenerative problems.
At the time
Wil worked for CFM, he was the pastor of St Stephan's United Church of Christ
in Chicago. Wil proudly showed visitors
the old church building with its classic stained glass windows and limestone
walls in a neighborhood that once was mostly Polish. The neighborhood was in
transition, and he shepherded his congregation as it too changed. He was proud
when St. Stephan’s became the first Korean United Church of Christ in the
United States. Wil earned recognition as a social activist on racial issues in
those turbulent years in Chicago and later for his work on environmental causes
in Minnesota.
Rev. Hansen
was hired by CFM as a project manager for the writing of F.I.N.D. (Families in
Nurture and Development) under contract from the National Institute on Drug
Abuse of the Department of Health, Education and Welfare. This was the first
and only venture of this kind by CFM. Over the course of a year, the book was
written in typical CFM program book style. The agency printed the book, and it
became available through it and other government agencies.
When the
F.I.N.D. project ended, Wil continued working in the national CFM office.
Though Wil was ordained and served as a minister, he also had business
experience. He served as office manager, then acting executive director of CFM,
and always, with and without the title, chaplain. In the time after Msgr.
Reynold Hillenbrand retired and Fr. Ed Kohler resigned, Wil led prayers,
counseled and consulted. He was also CFM's onsite resource in our ecumenical
efforts.
Wil and his
wife Phylliss had a large combined family and extended family that included
seven children and seven step children.
Ray and Dorothy Maldoon served
CFM-USA as National Presidents, 1968-1977