The Online Newsletter of the

Christian Family Movement

August – September 2010 Volume 63, No. 5

Supporting CFM: A report from Treasurer John Poprac

Mary and I are the treasurer couple for CFM-USA. Our role is to manage the financial books of the movement, develop a budget for the national office to administer, and participate in other aspects of the work of the board of directors which bear upon finances.

We have been members of CFM for 11 years. We are blessed with three children. Kalina is 11, Johnny is 9 and Julia is 6. They attend St. Lawrence Martyr Catholic School in Redondo Beach, California. CFM has deepened our faith, and introduced us to the wider community of our parish, particularly as leaders of the CFM group at St. Lawrence Martyr. We joined the national board of directors in 2008 as directors-at-large, and became treasurer couple in 2009.

As leaders of our local CFM group in Redondo Beach, we wondered what the national office did with the money that was sent from our group members. I’m sure many of you have the same question.

The largest expense within our budget is for the operation of the national office in Evansville, Indiana. We have a small office we rent from the Diocese of Evansville, and we employ a full time executive director, Missy Parkison, and a part time administrative assistant, Marilyn Durchholz. They serve the membership of CFM throughout the country, shipping books to members, and helping to grow the movement. They coordinate the publication of ACT newsletter and help shepherd the development of the program book. They also work with other member organizations of the International Confederation of Christian Family Movements (ICCFM) to minister with families throughout the world.

One of the most important tasks of the board of directors is to produce the yearly program book. It is a multiyear process during which the writing team identifies a topic, divides chapters among member-writers, and moves through an exhaustive editing process. All of this work is provided on a voluntary basis. Printing and mailing the books and ACT is a major expense for CFM. We are trying to get more members to read the email version of ACT, saving both trees and money.

Growing the movement is one area of our budget we have spent money on recently. Missy and Paul Parkison hosted an exhibit booth and facilitated a workshop at the NACFLM (National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers) annual conference, sharing with diocesan and parish family life ministers ways to introduce and support CFM. CFM also hosted a booth at the Religious Education Congress in Southern California, which is attended by 40,000 people each year. Since we are a grassroots movement, we rely on individuals to spread the word of CFM and hope that our attendance at these events will get our message to more families.

Our sources of revenue are our members. 80% of our annual revenue comes from membership dues, 15% from donations from members, and the rest from the distribution of resource material to members. Donations tend to be steady, although, like most non-profit organizations, our donations have decreased during the country’s recent economic downturn. For many years, CFM lived hand to mouth, with very little reserve. Four years ago, Father Sam Palmer, CFM-USA and ICCFM Chaplain, bequeathed CFM $65,000. His desire was to have the money help grow CFM, and our expenditures at the NACFLM conference and Religious Education Congress are a reflection of this desire.

Unfortunately, the financial cushion that Father Sam provided CFM will not last forever. We need more angels like Father Sam to help provide us with the financial stability to extend the mission of CFM to new parishes around the country so that all families have the opportunity to get as much spiritual benefit from CFM as we have. The timely paying of each family’s membership dues and every donation supports CFM’s mission to support Christian marriages and families as they act to transform the world in service to Jesus Christ.

Meet a Donor: Peter and Carolyn Broeren

1. How and when did you become members of CFM?

We joined CFM in the fall of 1973. Several members of our parish, St. Susanna in suburban Pittsburgh, thought our parish needed something for families. A young man in our parish heard us complaining about the lack of family centered parish activities. He was hitchhiking several days later and was picked up by Gerry Einloth (one of the founders of CFM in Pittsburgh). Gerry told him about CFM and the young man then us the contact. Pam Van Huffel, a member of our original group then set up a meeting with Gerry and his wife, Marty, and five additional couples from our parish. In addition we found out that our Parochial Vicar, Fr. Warren Metzler, had been a CFM chaplain at his former parish. Warren joined us as our group's chaplain...and the rest is part of CFM history. Several more groups were formed in our parish and the movement continued to blossom in Pittsburgh.

Several years later Ray and Dorothy Maldoon, then the president couple of CFM-USA, visited Pittsburgh and stayed at our home. Through their encouragement and the encouragement of the area couple for CFM at the time, Bob and Laverne Sober of Greensburg, we decided to become involved in CFM leadership. In those days, we actually had elections with more than one couple vying for the offices. We were elected president couple of the Pittsburgh federation. Several years later we were encouraged to take over the leadership of Area IV, representing western Pennsylvania, eastern Ohio, West Virginia, and western New York.

Subsequently, we were elected as national secretary couple, then several years later as national president couple. We served the movement on the national level for 14 years. At the same time we became active in the International Confederation of Christian Family Movements and have represented the US at each ICCFM General Assembly since 1980. We will again help represent CFM-USA this September in Goa, India. 

2. What is it about CFM that has kept you involved for so long?

Our longevity in the movement can be attributed to what CFM has done for us as a couple and for our family. The movement helped form us in our faith as persons and as a couple. Our kids were brought up in CFM. We attended area and national conventions on a regular basis. Our children made friends with other CFM kids and looked forward to spending summer conventions with them. Most of our friends are from the movement-not just in Pittsburgh but from areas as far flung as Ames, Iowa; Ann Arbor, Michigan; Evansville, Indiana; Barcelona, Spain; and the island of Malta. Even though our children are raised and gone from Pittsburgh, we still belong to an action group at St. Maurice parish.

3. What initially motivated you to donate to CFM and why do you continue to donate?

Early on, even though money was tight, we felt the need to support CFM monetarily because of what the movement does to form and support couples and families. We would honor friends who had died though donations to CFM and help out annually when we could. CFM has had such a great impact on our lives that we want to give back whatever we can in terms of our time, our talents, and our treasure. We realize that CFM can only continue to serve other families with the help of members and friends. Annual member family dues are not enough to sustain it. Gifts and donations are necessary to be able to bring the Christian Family Movement to other families, especially in times when families are being pulled in many other directions.

The Broerens are pictured in Jerusalem, 2009.

Presidents’ Perspective by Bob and Anne Tomonto

Each One, Reach One

For us, summer is a special time to get away – perhaps visit our favorite private beach on the west coast of Florida – from the hustle and bustle of daily life, of cell phones and computers. We have the opportunity to play board games and read a good book, and to talk to each other and our kids at a non-hurried pace. We have a chance to reflect upon our life and how quickly life is changing around us, and on who we are as a family. We often review our commitments and the impact these commitments have on our family time. If you are like many families, the various commitments of children tend to take precedence, sometimes to the detriment of family time.

Living in the Miami area, our community does not tend to slow down. Here, warm and hot is year round and hurricane season lasts six months. Especially during the summer months, many people spend a considerable amount of time inside their air-conditioned homes, escaping the extreme temperatures. However, a storm or hurricane provides a unique opportunity to meet your neighbors. Following a storm, people venture out to talk with one another about any damage. Often electricity is not available and we have to cope with hot days and warm evenings by opening windows and sitting outdoors in the shade or swimming. Families rediscover pastimes that don’t require electricity and bedtime comes at the first hint of darkness.

So what do hurricanes and summer months have in common with CFM? Hurricanes and summer months give us an opportunity to stop and reflect upon the way our life is going. Hurricanes and summer months give us an opportunity to reach out to one another, to share our time and talents with others. CFM is a community of people who reflect upon our experiences in light of our faith and then act – CFMers are doers. We reach out to others, sharing our time and talents within our parishes and communities. CFMers have a certain positive perspective on life and as we meet CFMers across the USA, we are encouraged by their willingness to look beyond themselves to the larger community of the whole.

To advance the mission of CFM we need to “Each one, Reach One.” Who could you reach out to and include in your CFM group this year? Perhaps it’s a family that is new in the community with no extended family in the area. Maybe it’s a family that is new to the parish or parish school that just needs an invitation to get involved. It could be an “empty nest” couple struggling with what to do now that the kids have grown. Or a newly married couple who could use the experience of those married for awhile and also offer a fresh perspective to your group. We have been active in CFM for almost twenty-eight years and we have witnessed the joy of a number of families impacted by the simple invitation, “come and see.” These families have grown in their faith, grown in their appreciation of each other, and grown in their ability to look beyond themselves and make a difference in the community.

Recently, we attended a CFM meeting at Holy Family parish in Inverness, Illinois. The CFM group gathered for dinner at the Parish Lenten Fish Fry, followed by their group meetings. All of the couples met in one room, the meeting opened with prayer, followed by community announcements. After the announcements, the group was broken into smaller sub-groups selected randomly with the group discussion facilitated by experienced CFM couples. While the adults were meeting, the kids were gathered elsewhere on the parish property. Our take-away was that this is a great example of a simple CFM model which insures that the needs of all couples are met and that the kids are also experiencing the CFM community. We were impressed by the enthusiasm of approximately 50 couples in attendance.

Each One, Reach One is very easy – only you can share the CFM experience. If each CFM family reached out to another family we could double our membership and strengthen our presence within the Church and the world. There are many families in our community who have never heard of CFM, but who are reaching out for what CFM has to offer.

Please share with us your experiences so that together we can continue to grow in faith, advancing our mission to families as disciples of Christ.

Thanks you all for what you do for CFM and God bless,

Bob and Anne

Bob and Anne Tomonto are members of St. Louis Parish CFM, Miami, Fla.

Family Activity Corner by Anna Kieliszewski

Taking time for family, community

Greetings to all of our CFM families! I pray that you are enjoying the warmth of the sun and that those “dog days” of summer are not too hot and overwhelming.

Summer seems to go by too fast! Every year my family waits for the kids to be out of school and then “bam” it’s time for them to return. I don’t remember it this way when I was a child. I loved the days we went to the park, went camping, read a book, and just simply relaxed.

When was the last time you relaxed? When was the last time your family went on a picnic? Seems to me we spend too much time “rushing” around. The kids go to this camp, this class, this activity, etc. I’m not sure this was what family life was meant to look like.

It is hard to stop and let our children pick only a few things to be involved in. There are just too many choices. But if we do not stop, relax, and enjoy life, it will move right on by us.

In the upcoming 2010 social inquiry book, FOUNDATIONS FOR FAMILY LIVING: THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, one of the chapters reminds me to stop and remember to “Keep Holy the Sabbath.” What happens to your family during the Sabbath? How is your family taking the time to be “holy” together? Are you spending time in prayer or just moving from one thing to the next? When have you taken the time to stop?

There are simple steps we can take to spend more time with our family. What is God calling you to? Take the time to listen.

Speaking of things we do as a family, we are looking forward to our local CFM community meeting again (we take a break over summer). Through CFM, I have become a better wife and a better parent, and my family has formed some wonderful friendships. Who are the CFMers who have supported you over the years? Who have you supported? Who do you know that could use a CFM community? Take the time to invite them to come and work on being a better Christian by joining this wonderful movement.

Blessings to each of you! May the God of wisdom guide us in the joys of life!

Ken and Anna Kieliszewski, parents of two children, have been members of CFM at St. Thomas of Villanova Parish, Palatine, Ill., since 2003.

Spiritual Director’s Discourse by Father Tom Rzepiela

Registration makes a difference

Are you registered at your parish church? I hope so!

Ask any pastor—particularly of a large suburban parish—if he understands why many people choose not to register in the parish. More than likely, he will give you that traditional Catholic answer—“it’s a mystery of our faith!”

People in our society are slow to register for their parish or any other charitable organization unless they are getting something free for doing it—like a free trip to Hawaii. People find registering in a parish as some sort of troublesome formality. After all, they have been coming to their Church for years, why should they register?

I am sure that people don’t register their membership for a variety of good and not so good reasons. Many people are under the assumption that they are registered just because they’ve lived in the area a long time or have been coming to that same Church for several years. Some don’t register simply because they don’t want to get involved. Others don’t register because of their lack of commitment to the invitation. Some don’t register because they are afraid that then they must financially contribute. Others are the opposite—they are contributors, but are not registered. Some vary their “ownership level” based on their feelings of what happens at that Church. And for some, their procrastination and laziness guides them into the oblivion of the “unknown.”

Are you a registered member with the national office of the Christian Family Movement? I hope so!

If you are, thank you. If not, you should be! There is no “mystery” here. It is to your benefit and ours to do so. Yes, there is a financial commitment as part of it. But as you know, nothing in life is free—except for God’s loving grace.

But joining CFM is parallel to also registering in your parish. There are expectations on both sides. But a parish, or CFM, is again a voluntary commitment. The local parish is as vibrant as those who are registered and active. Your local CFM is a vibrant as those who are committed and show up for the meetings. And the national CFM is as vibrant as you help make it to be. Your input, your guidance, your faith life helps us to be a leader in lay formation in the Catholic Church of the United States of America. Through your commitment and your stewardship, together we can bring Christ’s love to each other. Our faith life is truly based on an experience of God’s tremendous blessing as part of a Christian community. We live out our faith not in isolation but in a community of loving people. We are here to serve you as our Brothers and Sisters in Christ. We are all members of Christ’s Body seeking always to live this love in peace. Together, we can give life to each other.

Father Tom Rzepiela is Pastor of St. Thomas of Villanova Parish, in Palatine, Ill.

Your Marriage the Great Adventure by Lauri Przybysz

Return to Wedding Prayers and Scripture

Though you got married on a particular date and in a particular location, you and your beloved are still becoming married. Your sacrament is unfolding as time goes on, becoming a sign of God’s faithful love in all life’s ups and downs. Times of change and transition are teachable moments. It may be a happy change, like the coming of a new child or grandchild or starting a new job; or a crisis, like the onset of illness or a tragic loss. Married couples can look back on another time of transition – their wedding day – for wisdom that faith has to offer.

No matter how long you have been married, you may find blessing in reflecting on the prayers and readings of a wedding liturgy. If you were wed after the liturgical reforms of Vatican II, you were invited to choose readings that fit your situation and future hopes from a standard group of Scripture selections. While there are many readings to choose from now, they have common themes. The Old Testament readings teach that human beings have a noble purpose in life. While a few readings suggested for weddings reflect patriarchal attitudes of other cultures, taken together the texts show the equal dignity of the sexes. Many of the current choices reflect the mutuality, friendship and partnership the Church encourages today. The New Testament texts address the couple as individual disciples as well as spouses. In these readings, married love is a prophetic sign of the kingdom of God, depicted as a joyous wedding feast.

Beautiful and encouraging prayers were offered for you on your wedding day. (If you would like to look at the prayers again, try Together for Life by Father Joseph Champlin from Ave Maria Press. This popular resource booklet contains all of the possible prayer and Scripture alternatives and excellent commentaries.) In the Wedding Prayers, the couple meets the Creator of the Universe, who invites them to be God’s ambassadors, “a holy mystery, a symbol of Christ’s love for his Church.” The prayers enlist the couple in a vocation of service to the community. By welcoming children, creating a home, forgiving hurts, and honoring one another, the couple will mirror God’s faithful love.

Scripture and the liturgy of the Church remind us of the importance of marriage throughout salvation history, the beauty of marital passion, and the value of family connections. Marriage challenges couples, and all who pray with them at their wedding, to reflect the potent life and love of the One in whose image they are made.

John and Lauri Przybysz live in Severna Park, Md., and have six children and 13 grandchildren. Lauri is coordinator of marriage and family enrichment for the Archdiocese of Baltimore.

Taking the Time to Make a Difference by Paul R. Leingang

What does it take to make a difference

Did I hear that correctly?

On my way home from an early Sunday morning trip for a special parish celebration, I stopped at a fast food store for a breakfast sandwich and a cup of coffee.

As I sat down at an isolated table, a conversation was underway in the next section. Three men were discussing automobile salvage.

They discussed the price of truck batteries versus automobile batteries, about nine dollars versus six dollars, one man said. He had apparently collected about 10 batteries to take to the salvage yard recently, and reported on his payment.

They discussed the various restrictions on what a salvage yard would accept. Gas tanks and radiators had to be drained, and at one place, an automobile’s tires had to be removed, according to one man who was part of the conversation.

The last bit of information I heard before I left — if I heard it correctly — had to do with one man’s practice to boost his income.

“I take the garden hose and soak the inside,” he said. The water in the carpets and upholstery, of course, adds weight to the car – with or without its tires and whatever else needs to be removed before it is weighed for scrap metal.

I wish what he said was not such a common practice. But I know such dealings are part of too many transactions, all the way from the local junkyard to international trade by global companies.

I remember the outrage – even revulsion – that I felt as an American who grew up on a farm, when I first learned about “blending” practices used by international grain sellers.

One of the great pleasures of summer on the farm for me was walking to the wheat field, pulling a few heads of wheat from their stalks and rubbing them between my hands. The grains would emerge, and the chaff would blow away in the wind. The ripe kernels were hard, but they tasted fresh and wonderful. I recalled the Gospel story of the apostles doing just the same thing.

The truth is hard to hear, that one of the largest companies in the world desecrated – and maybe continues to desecrate – the sanctity of the grain given to us by God for our daily bread. The company, according to published reports some years ago, was repeatedly cited for “blending” – that is, adding foreign matter to its grain.

One account gave an example of an export contract that allowed for as much as eight percent of the grain volume to be foreign matter. If the grain provided by American farmers had only a little foreign matter, the exporting company would mix in dirt and gravel until the maximum variation was reached. The result? Foreign buyers paid wheat prices for dirt. The company made unjust profits. And the world judged American farmers on the evidence in hand. Our “amber waves of grain” were soiled for a few dollars more.

* * *

There is no real difference between adding water weight to a junk car and adding dirt and gravel to grain intended to feed another nation.

"Do not act dishonestly in using measures of length or weight or capacity,” the Lord said to Moses, as told in Leviticus 19. “You shall have a true scale and true weights,” the passage continues, reminding the hearers that the one who gives these laws is “the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt.”

* * *

The challenge of Christian life is to be honest in dealings with others on a personal level, and also to demand justice from others in their dealings.

It is not enough for one to say, I am fair in all of my dealings, while refusing to confront unfairness and injustice on the part of those who lead our cities and our civil society, allowing the poor to be cheated and exploited by neglect or even by design.

We are not called to turn away from what we hear, or to fear offending those who are doing wrong. Some days, it takes outrage to begin to make a difference.

Paul Leingang is director of communications for the Diocese of Evansville in Indiana, and editor of the Message, the diocesan newspaper. His award-winning weekly column, Taking the Time to Make a Difference, is syndicated in a number of diocesan newspapers. Paul and his wife, Jane, are members of CFM in Evansville.

Parent to Parent by Mary Lou Gorman

Why being in CFM is good for your family

I was always impressed by the CFM meetings Phil and I attended and sometimes did not realize all the good that came out of them. We all struggle every day to be good parents and it’s not easy in this day and age with its busyness and problems. It’s good for us to remember what we get from CFM.

When we discuss the Scripture reading during the meeting, we are trying to relate the reading to our everyday life, so that we can walk in Jesus’ footsteps. As we go on to the observes, we look out into the world and try to find examples of day to day living that we can make some judgments about as Christians. Then we try to do actions that can help make this world a better place, reflecting God’s love. We bring these thoughts back to our families and work together as disciples.

Where else do we stop to consider doing something for others or to better our family life? Not only that, but through CFM meetings we bond in community with other families and learn about their gifts and challenges, and in the process we build up the courage to “take time to make a difference.” We enjoy one another’s friendship and have fun together, celebrating life. We share our problems with one another, supporting Christian marriage and family life through tough times. Our children make friends with other children who have the same values we teach at home. We also model discipleship for our children as we “act” together in Christian ways.

Let’s share these ideas with other families and help CFM grow. Now is a perfect time to invite new members to your group. Then we can help other families make a difference in their family life and in the world.

Mary Lou and her late husband, Phil Gorman, of Arlington Heights, Ill., joined CFM in 1953.

Jerry Fraser: A Tribute by Wayne and Susan Hamilton with contributions from Gary and Kay Aitchison, Ray Maldoon, and Jack and Ellen McNally

Jerry Fraser, our friend and mentor, died on June 15, 2010 after a short illness. He served the Christian Family Movement in many capacities but especially as a priest and chaplain to many small groups and to the national and international movements.

Jerry was a big, quiet, gentle man, easily liked by others. Inside he was a very strong person. We first met him back in the early 1970’s when he was chaplain of the Detroit Federation and we were new members of CFM. He later came to our parish as associate pastor and our long association with him began.

Jerry got us to do things that we never thought we could do or we never thought about doing. He quietly suggested that we needed to get more people involved in CFM in the parish and promote a parent enrichment program he had helped us write and thought it would be a good idea if a few couples gave a talk at all the Masses on one Sunday. We were terrified but he gave us a sheet of “homily notes” and encouraged us.

Jerry had a way of enabling people to become involved even when they didn’t know it was happening. He was in charge of workshops for CFM and Marriage Encounter’s joint convention in Colorado in 1977. He talked to Gary and Kay Aitchison about doing a workshop on marriage. They had never done it before, but did agree. They were amazed that the workshop room was jammed with people, the Denver Post was there and the next day there was a great article about the workshop. Gary and Kay still give fundamentally that same marriage presentation today!! Jerry had a way of identifying people’s gifts and talents and soliciting them even before they were aware they had them.

Jerry was the perfect priest. He lived the life of Observe-Judge-Act. We did not find out for many years that Jerry marched in Selma with Martin Luther King, Jr. in the 1960’s. His “action” after the 1967 Detroit riots was to co-found FOCUS: HOPE in Detroit with Fr. Bill Cunningham. This organization remains a force for assisting disadvantaged Detroit residents by providing food and job training. Fr. Bill was the “front man,” but Jerry was the quiet thinker and planner behind the scenes. He had a way of empathizing with others.

Jerry was a world traveler, leading many tours to Israel. After a report on his 1977 trip to ICCFM’s meeting in the Philippines he inspired and encouraged us to attend the 1980 meeting in Rome. We were hooked and have attended every meeting since! We thought he had been everywhere, but he once told us that he hadn’t yet been to Madagascar!

After 30 years as a priest in the Archdiocese of Detroit, Jerry moved to Ft. Myers, Florida and married his beloved wife of almost 20 years, Judy. They had a strong sense of service to others and continued their ministries. He served as law librarian at the Hendry County Correctional facility and he and Judy ministered to the prisoners and were involved in grief ministry. He was a voracious reader and loved his part time job as librarian at the Blessed Edmund Rice School for Pastoral Ministry in the Diocese of Venice.

Jerry was very dependable; you could always count on him. He got beneath the surface on issues to questions of significance, often making you uncomfortable. Yet you trusted him because he was about God’s work. Jerry was a calming influence in difficult situations and a very effective problem solver. He was able to sort out complex situations and suggest workable solutions. He listened well.

But most of all, Jerry taught us about true leadership. Through his example we learned that true leaders have “power” because they place themselves last of all and are the servants of all.

Jerry was such a kind and honest, good person – a gentle giant. He never promoted himself. He let his light shine in others. May he rest in peace!

Wayne and Sue are past presidents of CFM (1985-1989) and ICCFM (1989-1995). Gary and Kay are past presidents (1981-1985) and former executive directors of CFM (1981-2001). Ray Maldoon is past president of CFM (1970-1980). Jack and Ellen McNally are presidents of Call to Action in southwest Florida.