Christian Family Movement USA-CFM Exchange

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Overview

Because e-mail is inexpensive, groups of like-minded hobbyists create what are called "lists." When anyone in the group sends a message, it automatically goes out to everyone on the list. Replies to the message also go to each list member. The effect is to create an on-going discussion group for everyone's benefit.
Why CFM-Exchange?

CFM has a similar idea called CFM-Exchange. CFM-Exchange uses what is called a "moderated list". It is open to CFM members only as part of membership in CFM and all messages sent to the list will be approved by a moderator before they are sent to all the members. In this way, the list will not be troubled by inappropriate messages.
Some of the things to use CFM-Exchange for are: exchanging ideas about setting up groups, exchanging ideas about meetings reviewed by groups, requests for prayer, surveying membership about topics which are currently before the national board, informing members about actions taken by the board and upcoming events. The CFM-Exchange is another way for people to make connections, sort of like a giant party line. One of the aspects of CFM that is difficult for an individual action group member to get a handle on is the national and international scope of CFM. Through CFM-Exchange we have a chance to bring individuals together, and it can all be done with CFM-Exchange.
Joining CFM-Exchange

To join CFM-Exchange, CFM members should send an e-mail request to the CFM-Exchange moderator, CFM Executive Director Jane Leingang, at .
You will begin to receive messages from the members of the exchange in your e-mail box.
When you want to send a message to the list, simply address it to .
NOTE: Only messages from received from CFM members will be reviewed and posted to the members of the exchange by the CFM-Exchange moderator.

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CFM-Exchange Postings

CFM-Exchange e-mails are available for viewing by everyone. You need not have joined CFM-Exchange. Below are copies of the e-mails sent to those on the CFM-Exchange list. They are listed with the most recent first. We hope these help you exchange ideas and we invite you to join CFM-Exchange so you too may contribute!
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July 12, 2007
Paul and Jane Leingang, Executive Directors of CFM write:
Christian Family Movement leaders discuss marriage initiative.

Tom Halpin, a national board member of the Christian Family Movement, thinks church leaders sometimes are "misperceived as being out of touch" with issues faced by laypeople. "Nothing could be further from the truth," he said, after meeting with Archbishop Joseph E. Kurtz, named in June to head the Archdiocese of Louisville, Ky., and who is chairman of the U.S. bishops' Committee on Marriage and Family Life. "The church is truly committed to affirming and helping couples in their marriages," added Halpin, an Omaha, Neb., resident. He and his wife, Mary Kay, are CFM's treasurer couple. Archbishop Kurtz and Sheila Garcia, associate director of the U.S. bishops' Secretariat for Family, Laity, Women and Youth, met with Halpin and other CFM board members during their summer board meeting at St. Lawrence Martyr Church in Redondo Beach. The archbishop and Garcia discussed the bishops' new marriage initiative, listened to the board's reaction and asked for input on how the church could help them in their efforts to support couples and families. Halpin spoke about the meeting in an interview with The Message, newspaper of the Diocese of Evansville, Ind., where CFM's national office is based. The meeting was the first consultation the bishops' committee had with a lay organization since the June 27 announcement of a public service campaign on radio, TV and the Internet that is part of the bishops' marriage initiative. This fall, the bishops will vote on a pastoral letter dealing with Catholic teaching on the need for commitment and emphasizing that marriage is between one man and one woman, among other topics. "Our call is to proclaim the truth in pastoral charity," Archbishop Kurtz told the CFM board members. He said the bishops' marriage initiative is not intended to come up with a new program to support marriage in society, but rather to be "a catalyst to help you do what you are doing." CFM connects couples and families through small groups that support members in their efforts to lead active Christian lives The initiative's radio and television spots, unveiled in Denver in June, show people answering the question "What have you done for your marriage today?" The answers -- all about doing small things for each other -- are meant to show the need for spouses to take an active part in maintaining a good marriage. "It is exciting to see the extent to which the bishops have gone to become as informal as possible in this initiative," said Peter Buchbauer, another CFM national board member. He and his wife Jane, from Winchester, Va., are the past president couple of the organization. The public service announcements, with their emphasis on couples doing something positive for one another, goes along the active spirituality encouraged by CFM, according to Father Donald Conroy, the group's national chaplain and a priest of the Diocese of Greensburg, Pa. "I am confident that much good will come to married couples across the United States as the new marriage initiative is put into action," he said.
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July 11, 2007
Jane Leingang, Executive Director of CFM writes:
I got this from Smart Marriages: a coalition of marriage educators. It seems like there is an opportunity here to affect what kids are taught in school about family life. Consider participating.
"Family and Consumer Science (FACS) teachers are the smartest way we have to reach teens with healthy relationship skills programs. They are trained family life educators who are ready and willing to put in their oars and work with us!
And, now they need our input. They are seeking the advice of experts in order to update the national FACS standards. This link will take you to a series of surveys several of which are relevant to CMFCE members.
I encourage you and others to complete surveys on the following areas based on their skills and expertise:
Study Area 6 - Family
Study Area 7 - Family and Community Services
Study Area 12 - Human Development
Study Area 13 - Interpersonal Relationships
Study Area 15 - Parenting
http://doe.state.in.us/octe/facs/NASAFACS_StandardsProject1.html
We all agree that we have to start with the kids. Yet, if we don't have strong, supportive standards and competencies in our schools, we won't be able to use FACS teachers as a means to an end."
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June 29, 2007
Paul and Jane Leingang, Executive Directors of CFM write:
Christian Family Movement encouraged by bishops' marriage campaign.

A top leader of the Christian Family Movement in the United States called an initiative by the U.S. bishops to strengthen marriage "good for couples and good for society. It's very exciting to see the Catholic Church encouraging people to treasure their own marriages," said Lauri Przybysz, who shares the CFM presidency with her husband, John. The national office of CFM is in Evansville. Przybysz, coordinator of family and marriage enrichment for the Archdiocese of Baltimore, was participating in the conference of the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers in Denver, where on behalf of the U.S. bishops Denver Archbishop Charles J. Chaput June 27 launched public service announcements for the marriage initiative. The announcements, for television and radio, feature couples from around the country candidly talking about what they did that day for their marriage.
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December 18, 2006
Father Don Conroy, CFM Chaplain, writes:
Dear CFM Members, The National Institute for the Family is developing a "Family Resource Handbook" that will benefit CFM and others in ministering to their families in the context of Catholic Family activities for the home. We invite your suggestions to be included in this resource. It is our plan to acknowledge your family for its contributions. You have the option of remaining anonymous. The following criteria should be used in determining what we are looking for:

The endeavor is/was a success---meaning all in the family were enthusiastic; enjoyed it; found it fulfilling and desirable. Perhaps it was challenging, educational, renewing, and inspirational. It enhanced your family life.
Categories included (some overlap):

Special projects, e.g., helping to better the environment or caring for creation or creating a "green household"; peace and justice work; ways of reaching out to those in need; volunteering for worthwhile causes, etc.
Favorite traditions for family meals.
Family traditions that you remember.
Family prayers and blessings (mealtime, bedtime, special times)
Sacramental moments (how you might prepare or celebrate for them)
Celebrating family holidays and holydays
Gift giving and sharing with the needy
Interacting and connecting with grandchildren
Family gatherings of significance
Family forgiveness and reconciliation
Building Christian Communities, e.g., within your own family, neighborhood, church
Family rituals that are memorable
Family support through the life cycle (esp., in hardship, sickness, death, etc.)
Other activities to be shared.

Please follow these directions when submitting each of your family contributions:

Referring to the categories above, list the corresponding number that applies.
Describe the experience.
Describe what others con do to share a similar experience (if applicable).
List your family name and city/state. (Family name is optional.)

Thank you and God bless you for your time and interest in helping families everywhere.

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March 29, 2006
Terry and Jean Smith, CFM Treasurers, write:
The following information is in regard to Fr. Sam Palmer, former CFM USA Chaplain. Fr. Sam knows that the Lou Gehrig's Disease that has ravaged his lower body won't stop until he's dead. You don't get a private room at Mercy Hospice in Johnston, IA unless you're a terminal patient. Fr. Sam is the recently retired pastor of St. Pius Catholic Church in Urbandale, IA. Last Tuesday he wasn't acting like he is on death's doorstep. There was still too much work to do — work for which he is grateful. Instead of going out of life quietly in a softly lit room, Fr. Sam has been busy dispensing last rights, anointing the sick, and offering daily Eucharist. "It's a privilege to still be able to say Mass," Fr. Sam said in a hoarse and strained voice. "They moved me into a larger room so I can say Mass for anywhere from two to 20 people." The room suits him, so he doesn't have to move from his comfortable upholstered chair in the middle of the room and try to use those useless legs. He still has command of his hands and a sharp mind, which seems to be enough for him. "I've been here since Dec. 29th," Fr. Sam said, sounding anything but resigned to death. "At first I said, 'Hey God, cure me,' but I guess I've got to take that leap sometime soon." The leap is a term that is crucial to him, an ultimate demonstration of his lifetime commitment to his Catholic faith. "If I say I believe, then I have to be willing to take that final leap," Fr. Sam said with a smile. The only kind of death that troubles him is a slow one. "I want to be on the fast track and not go millimeter by millimeter." He has known for the past 2 1/2 years that ALS was going to be his undoing, something that didn't seem fair to the 74-year-old when he got the news. You see, he was going to retire and fish. The congregation at St. Pius even got him a boat, knowing that catching fish is his favorite pastime. Instead of hooking bluegills and perch, Fr. Sam is instead passing his last days casting his net to comfort the souls at Mercy Hospice. His room is a comfortable one, with a high ceiling, recessed lights, big windows, a sitting room and a fireplace. All the comfort Mercy Hospice provides terminally ill patients to ease their last days. A staff registered nurse at Mercy Hospice, working at a station just outside Fr. Sam's lovely room is a big fan of the fading Fr. Sam. "He is certainly weaker than when he came in,but he tries to rise above it. He has been a blessing for us." She says that in spite of Fr. Sam's own descent toward death, he is a comfort to patients as they settle into the 12-bed facility for their passing. "I'll say, 'Father, room two needs you,' and he'll get in his wheelchair, grab his backpack, do what's needed." Mass is celebrated everyday at 11:30 a.m. when Fr. Sam puts on his priestly vestments, cracks open a Tupperware container containing Eucharist, and produces holy water and wine. Sitting on the bed to his left, which was temporarily used as a pew for the service, was a woman filled with pain and anguish. Her face, hollow from lack of sleep, sported eyes that were pink and puffy from constant tears. She had come to Mercy Hospice to be with her dying mother who was too sick to attend Mass. During the service she sat with a cousin, took part in the Eucharist and offered up intentions on behalf of her mother, who was succumbing to breast cancer and the damaging effects of chemotherapy. At the end of Mass, Fr. Sam turned to her and simply asked, "What can I do for your mother?" The woman said her mother had already had last rights. "I'll look in on her later," he said, very much still the parish priest, now looking after an ever-changing flock of souls who only stick around for an average of about a week. So each day he has left on this earth, Fr. Sam deals with life the best he can. "There's a level of frustration, but this is where God has brought me in my life."

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December 12, 2005
Father Charles Vella, ICCFM Chaplain writes:
I am sure you have all prayed for the great biblical woman and one of the founders of CFM and ICCFM our dearest Patty Crowley, for whom I celebrated Mass. I have always treasured my providential meeting with both Pat and Patty way back on August 1956. Their kindness, hospitality and deep plain faith inspired me to start officailly in January l956 the Cana Movemnet, which also incorporates CFM.Next month the Cana Movemen on January 28 will celebrate its Silver Jubilee. The Crowley's both came to Malta to get Cana going and they remained in thouch with me all these years. I visited Patty several times in Chicago and I always remained deeply impressed with her religious and social commitment for families, for women and for the poor. I invite all CFM and ICCFM to continue to pray for her and her husband, while I am sure we will all remember her at our next meeting in Spain and Fatima. In the meantime I also invite you all the remember us on the foundation of the Cana Movement, where we will all assemble at St.John Co Cathedral, in Valletta., to thank the Lord and the Madonna of Cana for all the blessings they gave us to work for families in Malta and Italy during these fifty years. I hope you and all those who recieve a copy of this letter are well, while I wish you and all your families a Christmas with all the blessings of our Saviour Jesus and a very Happy New Year to all you families. I was in Spain for the Immaculate Conception. the 51st anniversay of my Priesthood. With very bleesing and best ragards.

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November 7, 2005
Jane Leingang, Executive Director of CFM writes:
Some have called asking about the effect of the tornado in Evansville. We are a couple of miles north of the affected area at home. The office is about six miles north of the affected area. The tornado hit at 2 am and most people were sleeping which is why the loss of life was so high. One of our CFMers is with the Sheriff's department and was called in for search and rescue efforts. The devastation was pretty bad. The tornado was about 500 yards wide and on the ground for 20 miles. Another was called into the hospital to help triage patients. About 200 were injured and 22 or 23 were killed. Three horses had to be put down after they were injured in the devastation at the racetrack in Henderson, KY. (This part of Henderson is on the north side of the Ohio River. It's actually not far from the mobile home park. It's in the bottom land north of the river.) People are checking on each other. I think that one of the couples we sponsored for marriage had their house damaged and several other friends. The workplace of the husband of one of the people who works at the Catholic Center was destroyed. Most of Evansville looks like nothing happened but the damage is significant in the affected area. Keep us in your prayers.

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October 24, 2005
Paul Leingang, Executive Director of CFM writes:
Sam Palmer, former CFM Chaplain, is suffering from ALS. This article in the Des Moines Register describes his parish and how they are assisting him.

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October 12, 2005
Bobby Trosclair of the Biloxi, MS diocese writes:
Mercy Cross High School is a coeducational junior and senior high school located in the heart of Biloxi on the beautiful Mississippi Gulf Coast. Our school enrollment averages 300 students. Our current facility was founded in 1981, when Sacred Heart Girls School and Notre Dame Boys School consolidated. The rich traditions of these schools have been carried on at Mercy Cross High School. We are dedicated to producing students who are Christian disciples with high moral standards, excelling academically, and developing into responsible citizens and leaders of our community for the future. Mercy Cross is a member of the National Catholic Education Association, accredited by both the Mississippi State Department of Education and the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools. Mercy Cross is operated as an inter-parochial Catholic high school under the direction and the authority of the Bishop of the Diocese of Biloxi, Mississippi.
On August 29, 2005 Hurricane Katrina destroyed our school. Also, half of our school families (teachers and students) lost everything (homestead & personal effects) in the storm. Despite these adversities, Mercy Cross High School relocated to the former Sacred Heart Girls School. Our students returned back to school on September 26th, 2005. A portion of our new location was recently renovated. For this we are very thankful. Unfortunately, this location lacks equipment necessary to maintain State accreditation. It is estimated that approximately $110,000 is needed to bring our school up to State accreditation standards. These standards include a bell and intercom system (estimated cost $15,000), and textbooks (estimated cost $85,000 – we receive no state funding for textbooks), just to name a few.
Presently, our school lacks the funding necessary to accomplish this challenging task. In addition, other items are needed in order to provide our children with a quality educational environment. The list includes:

Fax machine;
TI83 Calculators;
Exercise mats;
P.E. Equipment
Duplo machines;
Smart boards;
Bookcases; bookshelves;
copy machine paper
VCRs/DVD players
T.V.s with rollaround cart
File cabinets;
Kitchen supplies (including a BIG pot for red beans and spaghetti)
Art supplies
Any sports equipment for football, baseball softball, basketball, volleyball, cross country, power lifting, tennis, track, soccer, golf, swim (including nets);
construction labor and materials needed to repair the gym at the old school;
sports bleachers;
Whiffle ball set;
School uniforms or donations to replace the same ($200.00 per child);
School bus.

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September 29, 2005
Nop and Elma Muangkroot, ICCFM Presidents, write:
For your information on the progress of the school which benefited from the CFM USA Tsunami Donation!
The ISB Tsunami Relief Network committee is back to work for the 2005-2006 school year. Thanks to all of your support, the Rajaprachanukroh School 35 is quickly becoming a reality. On September 8th Leanne Chadwick and Marcia Kelly-Gerritz visited the school. We were impressed with the progress of the construction and the enthusiasm of the staff and students. The following is a summary of what we learned:

The Thai Military and local workers are building around the clock with the goal of completing three dormitories by October 27th.
There are 339 students currently at the school. Upon completion of the dormitories, an additional 300 students will move to the campus.
Thirty-nine students are sleeping at the school in the temporary buildings. The teachers voluntarily stay with the students on a rotation basis.
The opening ceremony for the school is planned for early December.
In December the computer center, canteen, nurse’s station, and one classroom building will be completed.

Rajaprachanukroh School 35 is becoming famous. This summer the students hosted U.S. Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice. ISB students Sarah Edmondston, Louise Boyle, Malia Franklin, ISB teacher Sarah Di Lorenzo and PTA President, Barbara Franklin traveled to Khao Lak for this historic event. This fall the Prime Minister of Thailand, Dr. Thaksin Shinawatra and the Minister of Education for Thailand also visited.
Putting aside the building construction and the famous visitors to Rajaprachanukroh School 35, the most impressive changes were the smiles and happy faces of the students. For the first time in the six visits to the school, Leanne observed the transformation from sad, distracted children to happy students who are actively learning in the classroom. That’s not all. The quality and quantity of food has improved greatly. The students seem healthier physically and psychologically. Their emotional attachment to the Principal, Khun Prasit, was apparent. He is a parent figure for many of these students. He has made a lifelong commitment to the children and the school.
The ISB Tsunami Relief Network Committee is meeting and planning our future relationship with Rajaprachanukroh School 35. It is our mission to make a significant difference in the lives of the poorest children affected by the Tsunami. How can you be involved this year? There are many ways to help through volunteer time, collections, fund raising, and sharing your professional skills. Please contact us. We would like to meet with you at your convenience. Leanne and Marcia are also pleased to give presentations to students or other interested groups.
Please visit the ISB Tsunami Relief Network page at www.isb.ac.th for our latest update.

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September 7, 2005
Chris Rubio Director Family Life Ministry St. Christopher Catholic Church, Houston, TX writes:
I don't have to tell you how much your help is needed right now to assist the victims of Hurricane Katrina ( Houston). Listed below are a number of items which have been requested by our Local St. Vincent de Paul Society. Parishes are being sought to help resettle families in homes, apartments and various residents.
Please review the list below and help. If your parish/diocese is able to assist with any of the following, your help would be greatly appreciated. Please send your cash donations / gift cards directly to St. Vincent de Paul (address is listed below). Peace, Chris Rubio NACFLM Parish Section Rep.
Cash donations are needed.
Please send directly to St. Vincent De Paul. 2403 Holcombe Blvd. Houston, TX 77021 Attn: Hurricane Relief
Box Donations sent to: St. Christopher Catholic Church 8150 Park Place Blvd. Houston, TX 77017
Cash is being used as follows: Resettle families in homes, apartments and various residents. School uniforms and school lunches
If you would like to still continue to assist Please collect the following:
In Urgent Need Ziploc Bags with a variety of snacks for individuals (Example: Granola Bar, Fruit roll ups, Crackers, Cookies, etc.) The items should be individually wrapped or packaged and placed in a Ziplock Bag) These items are needed immediately to be passed out at some area hospitals and other areas.
Also, still needed Toiletries: Toiletries should be individually sorted in ziplock bags (soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, brushes) Indicate men, women, child
NEW socks, underwear (All sizes) Must be in packages NEW sleeping bags, NEW pillows Gift Cards: Walmart
Please do not gather anymore used clothing.
( if you are in the Galveston-Houston surrounding area) Volunteers are needed at St. Vincent De Paul Thrift stores for sorting.
Thank you for your continued support and we will let you know of any further needs that may arise.

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September 7, 2005
Warren L. Dazzio, Director Marriage and Family Life Department Diocese of Baton Rouge writes:
Thank God for all of our lives. Baton Rouge has become the center of relief efforts for South Louisiana. The eyewitness stories we are hearing will probably never make it in the news. It is hard to believe the amazing things going on - both tragic and heroic. From Alabama to Louisiana the devastation is unbelievable. I drove to Grand Isle, LA yesterday. It is a small barrier island on the coast. I have never seen such sights. All of us down here thank the NACFLM community for your prayers and thoughts.
In the midst of all the craziness you are seeing on TV, please know that most of the towns that were only slightly affected are opening their arms to the victims in ways you can hardly imagine. Baton Rouge has now become the temporary (five to six months is a conservative estimate) home of the Archdiocese of New Orleans as well as 2- 500,000 other New Orleans residents. Some of our Catholic schools have already increase subtantially to accomodate New Orleans families. They are being accepted without paying because our superintendant figures most had already paid or were paying at their parishes/schools. St. Michael the Archangel, one of the high schools, has already accepted 230 plus new students. (You have to understand our Catholic schools were already filled because public schools here have long had difficulites). We are helping the Archdiocese set up offices and helping employees find places to stay. There are no apartments left and houses are being bought up as quick as you could possibly imagine. This is happening all over the south from Florida to Texas.
The communication has been affected like it was during 911. Tons of cell phone lines, land lines, and power lines are just gone. So many people are using Baton Rouge that land telephone and cell phone lines don't always work. Email is the best way to communicate at this point. We are receiving all kinds of calls both for people wanting to help as well as for people still stuck somewhere in crisis. Catholic Charities USA is the clearing house for anyone wanting to help house families displaced by the storm. Refugees are all over the country and people from all over the country have offered to help. Visit their website for more information.
The Archdiocese of New Orleans seems overwhelmed but is slowly taking inventory and finding staff and priests. Some are still stuck in New Orleans. The Archdiocese has already purchased a new server and is setting it up here in Baton Rouge. You can visit the Archdiocesan website at www.archdiocese-no.org for some basic information. Check out the forum. It is amazing to read some of the stories. Most are simply trying to find people or information.
In the midst of all this we are trying to find homes and help people with their lives. Catholic Community Services is treating them like they would our refugees from other countries. Finding them first food and temporary housing immediately then beginning to help them begin life again on their own in the long term. Baton Rouge has about 40,000 people in shelters around the city and over 400,000 in homes and hotels and dorms. A lot of the 40,000 are from the hospitals that were evacuated in New Orleans. So they are serious medical conditions.
We have heard from the members of the New Orleans Family Life Apostolate and we thank God they are all OK. Our lives down here in the South will be changed for a long time to come. There is a lot we have to be thankful for but there's tons still to pray for. Pray we can see God's hand in this. I certainly can but there are many that are having a hard time seeing God in all this. The extent of all the devastation has pretty much sunk in and people are realizing there is a deep hole to climb out of. As always, our help is in the Lord and Nothing is impossible with God.
If you are interested in helping financially, here are the suggestions coming from my diocesan officials: "Regarding financial contributions:
Every agency needs and indeed prefers monetary contributions to almost every other kind of charitable gift. Almost all monetary gifts are tax-deductible, and may be made in many ways:
Archdiocese of New Orleans, Hurricane Katrina Relief Fund, 1800 south Acadian Thruway, Baton Rouge, LA 70808
Diocese of Baton Rouge: Hurricane Katrina Relief, P. O. Box 2028, Baton Rouge, LA 70821-2028
Catholic Charities USA: contributions may be made by credit-card over the telephone at (toll free) 800-919-9338; or online at www.catholiccharitiesusa.org, or by mail to Catholic Charities USA, Hurricane Katrina Relief, P. O. Box 25168, Alexandria, VA 22313-9788
Local Society of St. Vincent de Paul, P. O. Box 127, Baton Rouge, LA 70821-0127
National Society of St. Vincent de Paul: contributions may be may be made by credit-card online at www.svdpusa.org or sent to the Society of St. Vincent de Paul, Hurricane Katrina Relief, 58 Progress Parkway, St. Louis, MO 63043-3706
American Red Cross: contributions may be sent directly to the local chapter of the American Red Cross, 10201 Mayfair Drive, Baton Rouge, LA 70809-2506

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April 19, 2005
Jane Leingang, CFM Executive Director writes:
My most recent self improvement project has been to tame my tongue. I've not yet learned to do this to my satisfaction, but I have learned that it's hard to change and I can only focus on one day at a time. A small change -- not speaking ill of anyone today, not even my spouse in jest -- is a start.

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April 8, 2005
Tony and Lily Gauci, ICCFM Vatican Representatives write:
The demise of our Holy Father His Holiness the Pope John Paul II is a big loss to the Catholic Church and to all humanity. Pope John Paul II was a great Pope who truly loved the family and gave it importance and prominence as the builder of society and the world. His high regard of the family is clearly expressed in his numerous Encyclicals and Exhortations.
In the Holy Father's main speeches at special occasions, as well as the various greetings during the "Angelus" at St Peter's Square, he always made sure to speak about the family as the spine and nucleus of nations, to the eagerly listening crowds.
We heartily wish that every CFM member offer a prayer for the peaceful rest of our Holy Father. May the Holy Spirit enlighten the Cardinals who are on the verge of electing the new Shepherd, to be another Peter, another Christ.
Pope John Paul II worked for peace in a disturbed world because he believed that war only meant destruction. He worked against injustice and corruption and all people loved him, most of all the poor. He loved life and respected the dignity of the human being. He was a man of hope in great difficulties; and his cherished wish was "to open the doors of our hearts to God."
His human life is now over as he lies in state at St Peter's, but he is still giving us holy messages as a true witness of the Gospel.
Let us endeavour to always appreciate his teachings and live by their spirit. We give you thanks to you, dear Holy Father.

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January 26, 2005
Elma Muangkroot, ICCFM President writes:
Dear Everyone,
Thank you for your letters of concern regarding our safety in Thailand during the tsunami disaster. Please forgive us for not having responded earlierbecause we were in the Philippines and had no e-mail access in my (Elma) mother's house. Thus we rarely read our mail or read it in a hurry during thebusy Christmas season. We returned January 9, and since my school opened January 10, I have just been doing schoolwork the past two weeks.
Bangkok was spared the catastrophe, but almost everyone in this city has been personally affected by the tragedy. One Dutch colleague, his wife and her parents, are seriously injured and will be in the hospital for months. Their six-year-old twins, students in our school, are lost. An American colleague whose Thai wife comes from the disaster area lost his father-in-law and 30 close neighbors, though he and his wife ran to the hills just on time. Twenty family members of one of our bus drivers are dead. There are many more sad stories.
This letter is a grateful endorsement of the CFM USA-led fundraising projectto help tsunami victim families. Attached is the inspiring appeal of CFM USA Presidents Peter and Jane Buchbauer, published in their newsletter ACT. Nobody could have expressed the call for CFM solidarity in human suffering more effectively.
Donations are always timely because rehabilitation is a long process. Thus, our gift to suffering families will not be less useful because it is late; time will only make it more necessary. As the donation is solicited by mail, a bank draft sent to ICCFM Treasurers Peter and Carolyn Broeren, with a shortnote indicating that it is for Tsunami Relief, would be the easiest way. Direct personal donations or donations channeled through countries or continents are all good ways to do it.
Peter and Carolyn Broeren
ICCFM Treasurers
145 McAlister
Pittsburgh PA 15235
U.S.A.
As intended by CFM USA, the contribution will be managed by the ICCFM Secretariat, with input welcome from all of you. We can stipulate where and how to spend the money--for example, to rebuild a school, to support orphans, to buy medical supplies, to contribute to low-cost housing projects, etc. There will be a lot of choices to assure that our money is put to good use.
Please heed the call for Tsunami Relief funds. As CFM'ers, we value the human family, and our personal sharing with suffering humanity, at some cost to ourselves, is our commitment to this value. Let this personal giftgiving be an important international project for the ICCFM.
May God move us to be generous and to act now.
Love,
Nop and Elma

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January 25, 2005
Donna Richard-Langer, CFM Board Member writes:
We just got word that Father Sam made it through surgery just fine. They removed the kidney laproscopically and there is no sign of cancer!

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January 23, 2005
Andy Pozdol, Webmaster of CFM writes:
I received the following email from the ICCFM President, Elma Muangkroot today. Elma lives in Bangkok, Thailand:

Dear Andy,
Just a quick reply on a Sunday afternoon when I'm still trying to write a letter to all our members. We were in the Philippines during the disaster and I came back late night January 9 to a new semester of school starting on January 10--so the first two weeks have just been curriculum, meetings, daily lesson plans--all schoolwork. Immediate family fine; a colleague in school is still in the hospital with his wife, his wife's parents, all seriously injured. They have lost their twin six-year-olds--students in our school--and the children's bodies have not been found. Wife is still unconscious in ICU; husband will need months to recuperate because his legs are badly mangled. One of our school's bus drivers lost 20 family members. Another colleague lost his father-in-law and his uncle. Colleague and mom escaped death because she did not get up to take the boat trip they had signed up for. Many more horror stories and miracles to share. Love and prayers,
Elma

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January 23, 2005
Jane Leingang, Executive Director of CFM writes:
Former CFM chaplain Father Sam Palmer will undergo surgery tomorrow, January 24, for a cancerous growth on his kidney. It is my understanding that the kidney will be removed. Please keep Father Sam in your prayers.

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February 19, 2004
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
Last spring a local church choir presented a concert at their parish. Recently I obtained a limited-edition CD of the program. The following words by Kevin Curtin were used as the program's introduction and as "liner" notes for the CD. They speak eloquently of the value of sung prayer....
History's greatest story tells of the love of God and the journey of God's people. Throughout our lives, we journey together as a people of faith, and we each have our own individual spiritual journeys. We often gather together in our Community at various points along these journeys. Sometimes, we come together in great joy, as on Easter Sunday morning, and all creation seems to sing "Alleluia!" with us. Sometimes, we welcome new members into our faith Community, or witness and celebrate the promises of two people as they begin their married life. At other times, we come together in our grieving and our pain, as when we return to God a special person in our lives who has left us too soon. Or when we see the unspeakable horror around us as on September 11, or feel the menacing harm of conflict in Iraq, and we gather to comfort one another. Sometimes we are like Peter, and we can only say, "Lord, where else shall we go?" All of these are our "journey moments." Our sung prayer celebrates these moments - when God seems to sing in our happiness, and cry with us in our sorrow. The prayers we sing are those that nourish us along our faith journey, and come to us throughout our days - in the elevator, on the Metro, in the quiet of our rooms just before we far asleep. We pray the words of these songs over and over again in our hearts, and they lead us home to God.

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February 10, 2004
Kathryn Wotta of CFM in St. Clair Shores, MI writes:
Our church, St. Margaret of Scotland in St. Clair Shores, MI, has a special marriage Mass each year near Valentine's Day (this year it is actually on Valentines Day). In the Mass, especially for married couples, we renew our marriage vows. There is a reception afterward for the couples to socialize. Some years we are asked to bring our wedding albums. There is also babysitting in the nursery so the couples have a chance to share that special time with their spouse and not have demands of parenthood.

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January 28, 2004
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
The God We Never Knew - Beyond Dogmatic Religion to a More Authentic Contemporary Faith by Marcus J. Borg.
A Book Review by Bob Smith
In the Bible, there are many different images of God, each an attempt to help us understand something about God who is beyond all understanding. Borg examines the majority of these images. Initially, he pays particular attention to the image of God as a mighty king, a lawgiver, and a judge. His motivation is two-fold. First, because this has been the dominant image of God for some centuries. Second, because on a personal basis, he had found this image unhelpful to the point had led him and many others to verge of atheism.
Much of the language of the Bible and of Christian devotion can create the impression that God is a supernatural being separate from the world. Consider, for example, what it mean to us if we see God as a mighty king. Kings are generally distant, living in circumstances well above us, surrounded by a retinue that keeps us away. Kings are concerned with affairs of state, not with the day-to-day concerns of his subjects. Kings are male and therefore limited in their knowledge and understanding of females. Consider God the King as a lawgiver and judge. Look at us, a sinful people. How could we ever be worthy to enter the presence of this God? How could we hope that a distant God would ever forgive us, much less love us?
Many Christians, including Borg himself, grew up thinking of God as someone "out there," separate from the world, who created the world at the beginning of time, who used to intervene on rare occasions as described in the Bible, but someone who is no longer active in the world. Over the last several centuries, as science has showed the almost infinite size of the universe, a God outside the world/universe became a very distant God indeed.
George MacDonald once said, "Of all teachings, that which presents a far distant God is the nearest to absurdity. Either there is none, or God is nearer to everyone of us than our nearest consciousness of self." Presented in this light, we might all agree with MacDonald's logic but I suspect that most people have accepted the idea of a distant God at some periods of their lives. Perhaps many have accepted this as their predominant image of God.
Looking at the world today, Borg argues that the image of a distant, uninvolved God has ceased to be compelling to many Christians and he looks for alternatives in the Bible and in the traditions of the Judeo/Christian community. Fortunately, there are many other images of God as Spirit, as Breath, as Rock, as Mother, as intimate Father, as Wisdom (Sophia), as Lover, as Journey Companion, as Potter, as the Good Shepherd, as Wise Woman, as Old Man, as Woman giving birth, as Friend, as a Hen gathering her chicks, as Wind, Fire, Light, Fortress, and Shield. What are our own personal images of God?
All of our thinking about God, all of our concepts, all of our images are attempts to express the inexpressible. The Inexpressible, the one in whom we live and move and have our being, is beyond all of our concepts and images. And yet.... the Inexpressible is real and present. In the words of Carl Jung, "Bidden or not bidden, God is present." All that we know about God, God has revealed to us for a purpose.
The image of God and the structure of society go together. Male images of God lead to a male-dominated society including male political figures, male religious figures, and male heads of families. (Or is it the other way around?) The result is patriarchy, a hierarchical social structure dominated by the male. Patriarchal politics, patriarchal religion, and patriarchal family are all connected to a monarchical model of God. As Mary Daly said several decades ago, when God is male, the male is God. Different models of God lead to a different understanding of the Christian life. Consider God as Spirit, as Mother, as intimate Parent, as Wisdom (Sophia), as Rock, as Fire, as Light, as Lover, as journey Companion. Many of these images emphasize the nearness of God instead of the distance of the monarchical model. They invoke relationship, connection, closeness.
Borg rightly concludes that how we think about God matters! Our model of God affects the meaning of many central Christian teachings by changing the framework in which we see them. The human condition looks different. We are in God, we belong to God, whether we know it or not. God is present to us whether we experience that presence or not. Sin also looks different. For the monarchial model, sin is disloyalty to the king and disobedience of the king's laws. Thinking of God as Lover, sin is infidelity, going after other lovers.
At its center, the biblical understanding of salvation is NOT a relationship with a distant king based on a hope of reward in some distant eternity. Our Christian understanding of salvation is based on a relationship with God in the present; a God whose gifts are love, joy, peace, and a freedom to choose to do good; and whose fruits are justice and compassion. Such a relationship with God, and all that flows from that relationship, are the central purpose of the Christian life. Do our personal images of God help us or hinder us in coming to this understanding?

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January 13, 2004
Joe and Jodie Adler write:
After rechecking the definition of the word epiphany a few thoughts came to mind. We'd like to share them with you.
Epiphany-The Manifestation of the Savior
Three wise men visited the newborn babe carrying gold, frankincense and myrrh. They weren't bribes. They were gifts. What?? Give gifts to a stranger! Sure they were kinds and enjoyed immense wealth. IT was easy to give away those things that were obtained at the expense of others. They had plenty more where that came from. Easy come--easy go.
Whoa. Wait a minute. Who has had as much ease accumulating education, comfort, wealth and more security than any other individuals thoughout the history of our world? More than any before us dared to dream of enjoying? Considering the rest of the world we ourselves live like kings.
Might it behoove us to explore those other areas of our world? Perhaps to offer to share what we have so abundantly? Stretch our arms across the waters in order that our eyes and hands become really educated concerning the plight of the "have nots." We even feed our pets before we sit down to sup because we don't digest as well with those hungry eyes imploringly upon us? A sensitive person cannot continue to satiate his senses with any degree of comfort knowing how little remains for the many others.
It is a wise man who responds to the plight of his fellow travelers upon this universe. We pray we may all become wise men and search for what we need to do in our attempts to educate ourselves as those men of old and enjoy a truly fulfilling epiphany. Another way of repeating: "If you wnat peace, work for justice."

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August 25, 2003
Susan Vogt, Diocese of Covington, Ky writes:
Here is your "Marriage Moment" for this week:
"When you work with people, it is a lot like mining for gold. You do not look for the dirt. You look for the gold." (Andrew Carnegie)
Is there an affirming nugget you can say to your spouse today? It helps if it's specific. It's important that it's true.

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August 18, 2003
Susan Vogt, Diocese of Covington, Ky writes:
Here is your "Marriage Moment" for this week:
"All those 'and they lived happily ever after' fairy tale endings need to be changed to 'and they began the very hard work of making their marriages happy.'" (Linda Miles)
Are there any fairy tale dreams I'm still holding on to that block my ability to love my spouse for better or for worse?

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August 13, 2003
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
Patty Crowley, 90, has been honored by an organization she co-founded almost 20 years ago, Deborah's Place, which now serves daily nearly 200 women who are homeless, providing residential and supportive services. Deborah's Place II Apartments, 1530 N. Sedgwick, in Chicago, have been renamed The Patty Crowley Apartments.

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May 15, 2003
Jane Leingang, Executive Director, writes:
The new book for 2003/4 will include some meetings on stewardship of the environment. In doing research for the book I found out about the Union for Concerned Scientist and I subscribed to their mailing list to see what it is like. I find the list is interesting reading on care for the environment with some simple suggestions for action. If you are intested, you can subscribe to this mailing list originating from greentips@ucsaction.org by sending an email to greentips@ucsaction.org with the word "subscribe" in the subject line.

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May 11, 2003
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.
Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal", is history.
Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct.
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
Somebody said being a mother is boring.
Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.
Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good."
Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices.
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.
Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.
Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first.
Somebody doesn't have five children.
Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books.
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery.
Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten ... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp"
Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back.
Somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married.
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.
Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home.
Somebody never had grandchildren.
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.
Somebody isn't a mother.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and thanks for everything you do!

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May 10, 2003
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 years and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into: $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says, "don't have children, if you want to be 'rich.'" It is just the opposite.
What do your get for your $160,140?

Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140.

You get to fingerprint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to keep: reading the Adventures of Pooh and watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra (if it's a girl), first date, and first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal.
You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. (Well, at least until they reach their teenage years.)
You have all the power to heal a booboo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.
ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND GRAND KIDS. The best blessings in life are family and friends

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April 2, 2003
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
There is a motto I got from a producer in repertory theater. I was in rehersals, waiting behind a door to come out while a couple were having a row. They started throwing furniture, and a chair lodged in front of the door. My cue came and I could only get halfway in. I stopped and said, 'I can't get in. The chair's in the way.' And the producer said, 'Use the difficulty.' I said, 'What do you mean?' And he said, 'Well, if it's a drama, pick it up and smash it. If it's a comedy, fall over it.' This idea stuck in my mind, and I taught it to my children - that any situation in life that's negative, there is something positive you can do with it. 'Use the difficulty' - it's like a motto in our family.

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March 19, 2003
Jane Leingang, CFM Director writes:
A single event this year has generated the support of over 70 important national organizations, garnered praise from the Boys and Girls Clubs of America as "a wonderful opportunity for families to reconnect," and will inspire millions of children and adults to lead a more active life. TV-Turnoff Week 2003, April 21-27, is the only national celebration of the low-TV lifestyle.
On average, American schoolchildren spend more time each year (over 1,000 hours) in front of the television set than in the classroom. The average American will watch over nine years of television in his or her lifetime. America's national television habit has significant negative impacts, especially on children. We can measure these impacts in academic underachievement, rising obesity, and splintered families. Indeed, given these issues, it's small wonder that so many organizations support TV-Turnoff Week.
Turning off television gives us a chance to think, read, create, and do. To connect with our families and engage in our communities. To turn off TV and turn on life. And that's why so many people get on board; TV-Turnoff Week is spearheaded by the more than 16,000 local organizers who make the event a celebration of life in their schools, communities, religious bodies, and more.
Sound like fun? It is! Join millions of Americans and turn off your TV during TV-Turnoff Week 2003 this April 21-27. Some practical ways to begin include moving your TV to a less prominent place in your house - especially, out of children's rooms -- keeping the television off during dinner, or unsubscribing to cable and using the money for a monthly family outing.Or better yet, organize a TV-Turnoff Week. With help from TV-Turnoff Network's Organizer's Kit, it's easy - and you'll be surprised at how much fun you can have. As the National Mental Health Association wrote, "The enthusiasm expressed by parents and children over the principles of [TV-Turnoff Week] speak volumes."
Or perhaps the words of Ben Loxley, a then-second grader who participated in TV-Turnoff Week 2000, are even more appropriate: "I had a great time, and my only questions is-- why don't we turn off the TV for the other 51 weeks a year?"
For more information or to order an Organizer's Kit visit TV-Turnoff Network on the Web at www.tvturnoff.org or call them at 202.518.5556. TV-Turnoff Network encourages children and adults to watch much less television to promote healthier families and communities. In addition to TV-Turnoff Week, TV-Turnoff network organizes More Reading, Less TV, a program that boosts reading enthusiasm among grammar school students.

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February 27, 2003
Lauri Przybysz, CFM National Secretary writes:
I also feel this challenge. In a church that has a separate gathering space, it's not so much of a problem. But in older churches, like mine, there is no gathering space. It's either greet each other in the pews or just nod silently to one another. In my parish, the custom has developed that people are quiet in church before mass, but chat and visit after mass for about 10 minutes before the next group comes in. Everyone is still aware that we are in church and we tone the noise level down, but we believe Christ smiles on our visiting. This respects those who wish to prepare for mass in silence, and still leaves room for the fellowship our church needs.

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February 27, 2003
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
The following is a question and answer column published in the February 7, 2003 issue of the Pittsburgh Catholic. The author, Charles Bober, is pastor of St. Kilian in Mars PA.
Matthew 13:25 tells us that "Every scribe who has been trained in the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who brings out of the storeroom what is new and what is old." Such a scribe treasures the best of what we might call "conservative" and the best of what we might call "progressive." In his columns, Charles Bober manages to do that with some regularity. In this particular column, while addressing an often divisive topic, he treats both perspectives and their respective advocates with great respect while challenging us to find common ground by doing the same. Within the Church, with all our wounds and divisions, will we find a way to do that?
+ + + + + + + + + + + +
QUIET OR GREETING? FOSTERING FEELINGS OF JOY AT MASS
QUESTION: I have been a Catholic all of my life, and one of the things that was most impressive about Catholics was the way they showed respect when in church. We were always taught never to talk or laugh in "God's house." It is so very different today. Why is that?"
QUESTION: I am new to the Catholic faith and am happy with my decision, but I will never get used to the fact that Catholics are so cold when they are in church. Unlike most Protestant churches, there is so little welcome or warmth. Why is that?
ANSWER: These two questions so well illustrate the feelings of many in the Catholic Church today. Parishes in this country and around the world are facing the reality behind each of those questions. Not long ago, some people came to me as the parish priest and asked me to do something about people talking in the vestibule before Sunday Mass. As I went back to see what was going on, I quickly realized that I knew most of the people who were speaking.
As I gently approached them and noted that it was "a little noisy," I was quickly reminded, "You told us that we were no longer just ushers, but now greeters." They continued: "We wish you priests would make up your minds. Do you want quiet or greeting? You know you can't have both!" I thought about pursuing the point that even as ushers they were never quiet, but I knew I was already in deep waters. The situation is rally a difficult one for parish priests and parish leaders.
In former times, the emphasis was placed on the Eucharist as sacrifice and the associated images were those of the holiness and otherness of God. The correct (and only) response was one of silent awe. More contemporary approaches to the Eucharist have added the communal dimension. The associated images, then, are those of the Last Supper and the breaking of the bread by Jesus and the disciples who were on the road to Emmaus. (Lk. 24:13-35) The responses are those of community and joy in Christ's presence.
One would think that these approaches could coexist because the Eucharist is both sacrifice and meal and both sets of responses have a part to play in contemporary Catholic worship. A church building is a very significant structure in Catholic life. It is indeed a house of prayer and a sacred place. But its privileged status comes not only from the fact that the Eucharist is present but also because the Word is proclaimed and the Christian people who assemble there.
We believe, after all, that the presence of Christ is found in people to whom Paul says, "You are the body of Christ." (I Cor. 12:27) Is it possible for all of us to demonstrate our respect for the presence of Christ in the Eucharist we celebrate and the way in which we welcome all those who are members of Christ's body?
The real challenge of contemporary Catholic life is to demonstrate a profound respect for the presence of Christ in every dimension. Loud talk and laughter have no place in a space dedicated to prayer. But neither does cold, glaring, unwelcome silence in a space dedicated to the loving embrace of Christ.
Somehow, all of us must work to foster the feelings of joy at being together at table with the Lord, as well as the awe and reverence felt in contemplating the Christ who loved us so much that he died and was glorified on our behalf.

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January 17, 2003
Peter Buchbauer, CFM National President, writes:
In regards to recent email to Mr. Leingang. I could not disagree with you more regarding being "liberally correct". My wife and I are quite conservative and live in one of the most conservative dioceses in the nation. We tend to be politically conservative as well. We are pro-life and uphold the teaching authority of the Magisterium on all issues. Notwithstanding this "conservative correctness", we have served on the Board of CFM for nearly 10 years and have served as its President for the last two. Mr. Leingang asks us to think. There's no harm in that. Let the exchange know what you think and why. Let the White House and Congress know what you think and why. No need to cast stones in this house. There are enough rooms for all of us. We're living proof.

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January 15, 2003
Jane Leingang, CFM National Director, writes:
In view of the recent flurry of activity on the TTMD column from Jan. 10 on the potential of war with Iraq, I was pleased to see this note in the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers e-mail newsletter. The National Federation of Catholic Youth Ministry has developed resources on Just War Theory which can be accessed at their website http://www.nfcym.org (see the CFM Christian links page, under Catholic organizations). When I checked this link out there was a link to the Just War Theory material on the front page. There is a meeting which explores the issue that might be adaptable to CFM usage by interested groups.

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January 14, 2003
Lauri Przybysz, CFM National Secretary, writes:
The Bush White House has an "opinion" line for you to call. So, if you oppose or support the proposed war in Iraq, give a call. The line only accepts calls from 9-5 EST., Monday thru Friday. Just call the White House at 202-456-1111. A machine will detain you for only a moment and then a pleasant live operator will thank you for saying "I oppose" or "I approve." It will only take minutes. Note that the weekends are closed for calls. The president has said that he wants to know what the American people are thinking. Let him know. Time is running out.

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January 13, 2003
Paul Leingang, CFM National Director, writes:
What to do in Iraq? The problem is complex. How to counter terrorism? Viewpoints vary. What seems clear is that people have strong convictions -- and that opposing convictions within a family bring great pain and upheaval.
The January 10 Taking Time to Make a Difference Column of mine began with the acknowledgment that there are conflicting views among us, even within families. My column then reported on a group of religious leaders who went to Iraq to observe the world, not as weapons observers but as humanitarian observers. They made a judgment about what they had seen, and they are acting on it. I concluded with a call to our readers to "take the time to form your views about the war," and to "make your voice heard."
As you form your own views, here are some items to consider. Pope John Paul II used his globally broadcast Christmas blessing in 2002 to proclaim that a new war in the Middle East is entirely avoidable and that this is not the way to fight terrorism. Throughout December 2002, a string of high-level Vatican experts had voiced increasingly sharp criticism of the U.S. threat to unilaterally depose Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, saying such a war would be unjustified, counterproductive, devastating to civilians and in violation of U.N. rules. To check these sources, visit ZENIT (a news service based in Rome), Vatican Information Service ("official" news from the Vatican), or the Vatican website itself at www.vatican.va. My column quoted a statement from the National Council of Churches. That statement, and many other reports from a wide range of religious organizations, is available at Worldwide Faith News, www.wfn.org The statements and teachings of the Catholic Church in the United States are available at the website of the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops, www.usccb.org. The U.S. bishops' site includes an "Action Alert" from late 2002, asking American Catholics to write to President Bush and to their congressional delegations. Writing to our elected leaders is one good way to make your voice heard. Writing to CFM Exchange is another way. CFM has never demanded that everyone think alike or that everyone come to the same judgment and take the same action. Cardinal Cardijn himself insisted that we must "see" without pre-judging. After we have seen the facts with as much objectivity as we can muster, then and only then must we judge what we have seen in the light of Gospel principles. To all persons of good will, I repeat the challenge at the end of my column Form your views. Then act to make your voice heard.

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November 14, 2002
Don Browning, Project Director of The Religion, Culture and Family Project, writes:
Let it be said that we started the trend. Watch your PBS station Thursday, November 14 for Frontline's new documentary on marriage called "Let's Get Married."
The Religion, Culture, and Family Project produced the first nationally televised PBS documentary on marriage. It started playing last Valentine's Day and has since played on nearly 200 PBS stations, many of them twice. Even then, we heard that PBS's Frontline was planning to do its own documentary on marriage. In fact, its producers viewed a very early version of our documentary "Marriage - Just a Piece of Paper?".
Now Frontline's take on the subject is showing this Thursday. Below is an article on it written by its director. At first glance, it sounds as if the two documentaries take much the same point of view. Frontline may reflect a bit more of the contemporary political debate that was just beginning to take shape while we were producing ours. Watch the program. Compare it with "Marriage - Just a Piece of Paper." Show both to your classes, churches, and friends.
The RCF Project is really interested in getting our documentary discussed. Within weeks, we will have an on-line study guide. Also, beginning now, the documentary can be purchased from our office for $15 inclusive of mailing costs. The popular book of interviews by the same name can be purchased for 30% off at $23.50, inclusive of mailing and handling. Send checks to the Religion, Culture, and Family Project, Divinity School, University of Chicago, Chicago. Illinois 60637. It is nice to be non-profit!
Let us know what you think of the Frontline documentary. We will publish your comments in our newsletter.
It Takes a Wedding
By ALEX KOTLOWITZ
CHICAGO - With the Republican victory last week, Congress now appears likely to set aside funding for programs that promote marriage among the poor. A friend who provides services for inner-city children declared this marriage push "nuts." That had been my initial reaction, as well. But now I wonder if the conservatives who are driving this effort might be on to something.
There's a shift in the winds in our inner cities. On the heels of a fatherhood movement (which, incidentally, also had conservative roots), more and more young couples are considering marriage. A long-term study of 5,000 low-income couples has found that eight of 10 who have a child together have plans to marry. "I was out in the field all of the time, interviewing low-income single mothers," Kathy Edin, a sociologist at Northwestern University, told me. "And what really struck me in those interviews was how many people talked about the desire to get married. And I would go back, you know, and talk to my friends in academia and they would say, 'Oh, they can't mean that.' But I would hear it again and again."
Might marriage be making a comeback in communities where the vast majority of children are born to single parents? A minister on Chicago's West Side told me that when he began preaching there 10 years ago, his congregation scoffed at his efforts to foster matrimony. But this year his church co-sponsored an event called "Celebrating Contentment," in which long-married couples testified to their happiness together. Last summer, there was such demand for the minister's weekly marriage enrichment workshops that he had to put some parishioners on a waiting list. In Baltimore, Joe Jones, who runs a program to promote fatherhood, is adding marriage classes to his curriculum. And the Nation of Islam, which organized the Million Man March, has now taken up the mantle of marriage, declaring it "a social institution in need of restoration."
Marriage can be treacherous terrain. In 1965, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, then a young official in the Department of Labor, issued a report titled "The Negro Family: The Case for National Action." It suggested that the breakdown of the black family - one-third of all black children at the time lived with only one parent - was keeping African-Americans from finding their way into the middle class. Mr. Moynihan was pilloried by progressives; he was accused of blaming the victim. Liberals essentially abdicated the discussion about family to the conservatives, and have had a tough time finding their way back since.
But there is now growing consensus among social scientists that, all things being equal, two parents are best for children. It would seem to follow that two-parent families are also best for a community. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes families to build a village.
While liberals haven't done enough to emphasize the importance of marriage in reinforcing the bonds that hold society together, conservatives have put too much faith in the power of marriage alone to lift people out of poverty.
In 1988, Vince Lane, then the director of the Chicago Housing Authority, was conducting top-to-bottom searches of public housing high-rises, looking for guns and drugs. But the discovery that most dismayed him was the large number of men living with their girlfriends illegally. They weren't on the lease. In the raids, Mr. Lane found them hiding in closets and in bathtubs and in laundry baskets. At one high-rise, Mr. Lane got fed up. He told the men they could stay - if they got married. So the city hosted an all-expenses-paid (honeymoon included) eight-couple shotgun wedding.
What's happened to the couples since? Most have split up, which should come as no surprise. The stress of not having money, of living in decrepit housing, of sending children to poorly funded schools would take its toll on even the most committed relationship. So how then might we help get couples to the altar? By pushing marriage? Or by helping ease the strains in people's lives?
It would be wrongheaded to encourage marriage by stigmatizing single parenthood, a process that has already begun with the reintroduction of the word "illegitimacy" into the lexicon. After all, that's the very constituency the government is trying to reach.
Wade Horn, the Bush administration official who oversees the welfare program, has assured critics that the administration, by supporting demonstration projects that promote marriage, doesn't intend to coerce people to the altar. And, indeed, what tools government has available - like the relationship training seminars Oklahoma has begun to offer - seem benign enough, if unproven.
When it comes to social engineering, government has turned out to be a clumsy catalyst. Mr. Moynihan, whose report was in many ways prescient - the numbers he cited for black families in 1965 now apply to all families, regardless of race - has said, "If you expect government to change families, you know more about government than I do."
Even if conservatives don't know how to get there, at least they recognize that marriage, this very private institution, has very public consequences. Liberals, who have a much firmer understanding of the obstacles poor people face, need to enter that conversation.
Alex Kotlowitz, author of "There Are No Children Here," is correspondent for the forthcoming "Frontline" program, "Let's Get Married." See http://www.pbs.org.
The Religion, Culture and Family Project
The University of Chicago Divinity School
1025 East 58th Street, Chicago, IL 60637
http://divinity.uchicago.edu/family/
email:
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November 11, 2002
Jane Leingang, CFM Executive Director, writes:
I read a poem on "grace" recently which I thought was very meaningful. It is by Marilyn Chandler McEntyre.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE GRACE by Nicole VanderVoort.
It takes you by surprise
It comes in odd packages
It sometimes looks like loss
Or mistakes
It acts like rain
Or like a seed
It's both reliable and unpredictable
It's not what you were aiming at
Or what you thought you deserved
It supplies what you need
Not necessarily what you want
It grows you up
And lets you be a child
it reminds you that you're not in control
And that not being in control
is a form of freedom.
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November 8, 2002
Bob Smith of CFM in Alexandria, VA writes:
We are 2000 years for the time of Christ and sometimes I think that, with the vast differences of culture, we understand little of the original meaning of what Jesus preached. Perhaps this is what God intended, that each generation should read the words of Christ and interpret them as they fit the circumstances of the age in which they live. Still, I think that we would profit from a better understanding of how those who heard Jesus preach understood his words and how his words were appropriate to the circumstances in which the people found themselves.
Recently, I read a book by Walter Wink, a biblical scholar, reporting on what I understand to be the work of other biblical scholars. In these writings about very familiar biblical passages, I heard an interpretation that I can not ever recall hearing before. And yet, it made such immanently good sense that I am eager to share it with others. I think that the basis for this "new" interpretation has much to do with looking at the readings from a different perspective. With this in mind, I invite you to see the readings with new eyes.
"Until the rise of feminist exegesis, few scholars noticed how unusual Jesus' treatment of women was. Through the lens of feminist biblical interpretation, however, we can now see that in every single encounter with women in the four Gospels, Jesus violated the customs of his time. Indeed, his approach to women had no parallel in "civilized" societies since the rise of patriarchy over three thousand years before his birth.
"Respectable Jewish men were not to speak to women in public; Jesus freely conversed with women. A woman was to touch no man but her spouse; Jesus was touched by women, and touched them. Once, a prostitute burst into an all-male banquet, knelt at Jesus' outstretched feet, and began to kiss them, washing them with tears of remorse and relief, wiping them with her hair and anointing them with oil. Despite the shocked disapproval of the other men, Jesus accepted her gift and its meaning and took her side, even though she had technically rendered him unclean and had scandalized the guests (Luke 7:36-50).
"On another occasion Jesus calls a woman bent with a spinal disease for eighteen years out into the middle of the synagogue, lays his hands on her, and heals her from her "spirit of weakness." In the ensuing controversy (he had healed her on a Sabbath), Jesus refers to her as a "daughter of Abraham," an expression I have been unable to find in ancient Jewish literature. Women were saved through their men; to call her a "daughter of Abraham" was to give her status as a full-fledged member of the covenant and equal standing with men before God (Luke 13:10-17). Moreover, by healing her on a Sabbath, Jesus restored the Sabbath to its original meaning of release from bondage. By touching her, Jesus revoked the holiness code with its male scruples about menstrual uncleanness and sexual enticement. By speaking to her in public, Jesus jettisoned male restraints on the freedoms of women, born of the fear of female sexuality. By placing her in the midst of the synagogue, Jesus challenged the male monopoly on the means of grace and access to God. By asserting that her illness was not a divine punishment for sin, but satanic oppression, Jesus liberated her from the Domination System, whose driving spirit is Satan.
"This tiny drama thus takes on world-historic proportions. In freeing this woman from Satan's power, Jesus simultaneously releases her from the encompassing network of patriarchy, male religious elitism, and the taboos fashioned to disadvantage some in order to preserve the advantage of others. Her physical ailment was symbolic of a system that literally bent women over (compare our expression, "being bent out of shape"). For her to stand erect in male religious space represents far more than a healing. It reveals the dawn of a whole new world order. Here is the awesome power of God unleashed before their very eyes. Some see it ("the entire crowd was rejoicing"), others see only a threat to everything they hold dear. The Domination System tenuously maintains the upper hand; shattering its hold at any single point threatens its stability all along the line.
"We see the same cavalier disregard for oppressive customs when the Fourth Gospel portrays Jesus as not only speaking to a Samaritan woman but taking a drink from her "unclean" hand. The disciples, when the see it, are "astonished that he was speaking with a woman" (John 4:27).
"Or take the story of Mary and Martha. Luke depicts Mary as seated at Jesus' feet, which was the prerogative of a MALE DISCIPLE of a teacher. Martha, preoccupied with preparing the meal, does not address her sister, but the male authority figure: "Tell her then to help me." We might wish that Jesus had gotten up and helped to serve the meal and to clean up afterwards - a role to which he seems not to have been adverse (Luke 12:37; John 21:9-14). But the fact remains that Jesus and Mary were transgressing on a deep-seated prohibition from which Martha apparently could not free herself (Luke 10:38-42).
"Another woman shouts from the side of the road, "Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts that nursed you!" Why not give his mother credit, using the only way the culture permitted? Jesus refuses: "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it!" (Luke 11:27-28) This woman persists in believing that her value, like his mother Mary's, lies in bearing a male child and living out through him her ambitions. But Jesus retorts: You do not have to be "saved" any longer through bearing sons. You yourself, a woman, can hear the word of God and keep it.
"Jesus' disciples illustrate the new domination-free order. His loose band of followers is scandalously mixed, including prostitutes like the one who washed his feet with her tears, women such as Mary Magdalene, who was freed from demons, and aristocratic women like Joanna, wife of Herod's chamberlain, "and many other women, who provided for them out of their resources" (Luke 8:1-3*). It was without known precedent for women to travel as disciples with a teacher, and some of them, like Joanna, left home, family, and husband to do so. When the rich young man asked to follow him, Jesus told him to sell all, give it to the poor - NOT to Jesus' group of followers - and follow him, DESTITUTE (Mark 0:17-22). The women, however, he puts in the place of patrons and benefactors. The first shall be last, and the last shall be first, as a necessary reversal of roles on the path to full partnership in God.
"Women in that world had little veracity as witnesses. How odd of God, then, to choose women as witnesses of Jesus' resurrection (Matt. 28:9-10; John 20:1-18)!
"Women received the Holy Spirit at the founding event of the church (Acts 1:14, 2:1) and were coequal with men in receiving prophetic gifts. They headed house churches, opened new fields of evangelism (Phil. 4:2-3), and were Paul's coworkers. They were persecuted and jailed just like men (Acts 8:3; Rom. 16:7), were named apostles (Rom. 16-7), disciples (Acts 9:36-42), and deacons (Luke 8:3: Mark 15:41), led churches (Philem. 1-2), and even, in one case, acted as Paul's patron (Rom. 16:2).
"The tide, however, was turning. The vast majority of churches were soon dominated by male hierarchies, and women had been reduced to the roles of deaconesses and enrolled widows. Women who exercised authority were marginalized, accused of heresy, or silenced. Over time, men gained a monopoly on leadership in the church, and male supremacy demonstrated once more its resiliency under attack.
"This excerpt is from Chapter 3 (a chapter entitled "Jesus' Answer to Domination") of Walter Wink's book "The Powers That Be - Theology for a New Millennium"
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November 7, 2002
Krisztina and Balázs Menesi of CFM in Budapest, Hungary write:
May we ask you to pray for our next Original Marriage Encounter (OME) with 17 registered couples and one priest which will be this week, starting on 8th of November. This will be the third OME given by Father Tibor so please pray for him too. One of the team-couples will be again a man and his wife for whom Fr. Donnon prayed in the hospital last August 2001 while in Budapest. He has fully recovered and is willing to share all what has happened to them. They are about to start a new (the first) CFM group in their town. There will also be 2 couples among the participants - that we know of - for whom this experience is the last chance to save their marriage. Please pray especially for them too. Thank you and God bless you.
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November 6, 2002
Dan Browning of the Religion, Culture, and Family Project writes:
Ever heard of "maternal feminism?" Chances are you haven't seen the words "maternal" and "feminism" together in a single phrase.
Is it new? Some women think so, or at least those who organized the conference called Maternal Feminism held at Barnard College in New York City on October 29. Yet many of these same women said maternal feminism is as old as feminism itself, especially if one goes back to the equal rights feminists, the suffrage feminists, and temperance feminists of the 19th century. The conference was sponsored by The Motherhood Project, Barnard College, National Organization of Women, and the Institute for American Values.
It featured such stars as media celebrities Mary Crittenden (The Price of Motherhood) and Sylvia Hewlett (Creating a Life), scholars Janet Giele (Two Paths to Women's Equality) and Jean Bethke Elshtain (Jane Addams and the Dream of American Democracy), and movement leaders Enola Aird (The Motherhood Project), and Kim Gandy (National Organization for Women). The occasion for the meeting was the media release of a statement titled "Call to a Motherhood Movement." It called for a "fundamental reordering of the priorities of our society, a society so driven by radical individualism and values of commerce that it is losing touch with the values of the mother world - the essential ethics of care and nurture that are indispensable for both children and a good society." It also demanded an "end to our culture's devaluing of mothers and mothers' work." By that it meant all mothers - mothers who work in the wage economy full time, mothers who work part time, mothers who stay at home, and mothers who weave in and out of the market in their desperate effort to balance child care with economic survival.
Most of the leaders of the conference had signed the statement. Gandy of NOW had not signed it. Furthermore, she felt it had slighted NOW's contribution to improving the lives of mothers. Pertinent to this tension was Janet Giel's point that although 19th century feminists were divided between equal-rights feminists (mainly interested in getting the right to vote and achieving access to paid employment) and temperance feminists (mainly concerned to reform their husbands and improve the lives of their children), these two wings complemented each other and should be brought together today.
Crittenden and Hewlett demonstrated that maternal feminism is not a conservative movement. They showed its socially radical goal of containing the market's thirst to swallow home life into its unquenchable needs for efficiency, productivity, and profit. They would do this by using the instrumentalities of government to mandate more 30-hour work weeks, more part-time or flex-time jobs, social security for stay-at-home moms, and higher pay for child care workers.
Strangely missing from the conference was anyone speaking forcefully for the possible contributions to maternal feminism by churches, synagogues, and other religious institutions. Eileen Lindner of the National Council of Churches spoke inspiringly about the need for a motherhood movement, but stopped short of showing how it could be a visible power within America's houses of worship. Enola Aird got close to this theme when she questioned the validity of grounding maternal feminism in economic arguments, e.g., that children are "human capital" and the greatest source of social wealth for the future, hence the importance of mothers' work. Children, she insisted, are "ends in themselves" and not just to be valued because they contribute to the GNP, as true as that may be. Jean Elshtain got closer still by showing how the settlement house work of Jane Addams embodied the goals of maternal feminism yet justified them mainly on religious and philosophical grounds as well as pursuing them in the social sectors of voluntary organizations and civil society.
I felt comfortable at this conference on maternal feminism. After all, the Religion, Culture, and Family Project (especially in From Culture Wars to Common Ground) has advocated some of the same programs and goals put forth by many of its speakers. We too have endorsed 20 and 30-hour work weeks with benefits, part-time and flex-time jobs, and better child care. We too have asked for less power of the market over families. We have sometimes gone further by proposing a combined 60-hour work week for couples with children. We toyed with the idea of a parental bill of rights - something like the GI Bill of Rights after WWII, but this time paying parents who drop out of the wage economy to raise children and assuring their resumption to comparable jobs without penalty when the child rearing years are over.
But we also have recommended a major cultural change that should be pushed by religious institutions and other parts of civil society. Although I cannot speak for the entire RCF Project, at least yours truly is a bit closer to Aird and Elshtain than Crittenden and Hewlett. I fully acknowledge the importance of economic analyses and solutions, but without being guided by a new religious and cultural vision for work and families, the economic reasons for maternal feminism finally will be self-defeating. If our children are only human capital, when computers someday do a better job, the economic view will dictate forgetting both the children and the mothers who raise them.
Will we hear more about the themes of maternal feminism? I think we will. Maybe a new movement was born. Time will tell.
Many of the themes of maternal feminism were investigated under different banners in the RCF Project book Feminism, Religion, and the Family edited by Anne Carr and Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen
http://divinity.uchicago.edu/family/
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November 5, 2002
Dan Thomas of St. Lawrence Martyr CFM in Redondo Beach, CA writes:
More great Christmas gifts ideas to help the less fortunate can be found at www.samaritanspurse.org. Our CFM groups have promoted a voluntary action to participate in their "Christmas Child/Operation Shoebox". Families prepare clear, shoebox sized, storage bins filled with necessities & small gifts for less fortunate children around the world. Last year we donated about 100 "shoeboxes." Samaritan's Purse also has a neat catalog (also on their website) that allows you to select a gift of education, food, shelter and more. It's worth checking out.
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October 30, 2002
Nicole & Steve VanderVoort write:
Paul, It was interesting to see your comment about the Heifer International gift catalog in the October 25 TTTMAD! Three years ago we gave our two girls ( adults in their 20's ) a Heifer gift for Christmas; last year we got a Hiefer gift from them and this year, one of them has already asked us for a Hiefer gift and wants to give us one again...We think it is one gift which truly conveys the meaning of Christmas. You know you bring a little more peace and justice in this world through this kind of giving.
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October 22, 2002
Michael Josephson of Josephson Institute of Ethics, a nonprofit organization, writes:
I wanted you to have an advance copy of a press release that contains some very powerful data from our newest survey of the ethics of American youth.
As one who deeply believes in the power and moral authority of religion, I was especially disturbed to see that students who attended religiously-based high schools did not fare better in the survey (in fact, in some areas they did not perform as well). The survey included responses from nearly 6,000 attendees of private, religiously- affiliated high schools.
I was also troubled that students who said religious convictions were very important to them did not do better than they did (though they did perform better than their nonreligious classmates).
I'm looking for explanations that will help me and the media interpret this data and would appreciate any thoughts, including suggestions on what might be done to better assure that young people translate their religious beliefs and affiliations into their actions and attitudes.
SURVEY DOCUMENTS DECADE OF MORAL DETERIORATION Kids Today Are More Likely To Cheat, Steal and Lie Than Kids 10 Years Ago
According to a new report by the Josephson Institute of Ethics cheating, stealing and lying by high school students have continued their alarming, decade-long upward spiral. A survey of 12,000 high school students showed that students admitting they cheated on an exam at least once in the past year jumped from 61% in 1992 to 74% in 2002; the number who stole something from a store within the past 12 months rose from 31% to 38%, while the percentage who say they lied to their teachers and parents also increased substantially.
The report, released as part of National CHARACTER COUNTS! Week (October 20-26), also reveals significant deterioration over the past two years: Cheating rose from 71% in 2000 to 74% in 2002, theft increased from 35% to 38%, and those who said they would be willing to lie to get a good job jumped from 28% to 39%. The 2002 report also found that students who attend private religious schools were less likely to shoplift (35% vs. 39%) but more likely to cheat on exams (78% vs. 72%) and lie to teachers (86% vs. 81%). In addition, students participating in varsity sports cheated on exams at a higher rate than students who did not (78% vs. 73%).
Michael Josephson, president of the Josephson Institute of Ethics, said: "The evidence is that a willingness to cheat has become the norm and that parents, teachers, coaches and even religious educators have not been able to stem the tide. The scary thing is that so many kids are entering the workforce to become corporate executives, politicians, airplane mechanics and nuclear inspectors with the dispositions and skills of cheaters and thieves."
To provide greater insight into the factors that may impact the ethics of young people, the Institute's 2002 survey sought information about attitudes and affiliations that add new dimensions to the data: participation in varsity sports, student leadership, attendance at private religious schools and possession of strong religious beliefs. A summary of the data follows but here are some highlights:
GENDER. The most significant differentiating factor among high school students is gender. Though girls cheat and lie as much as boys in general, they are significantly less likely to engage in theft or other dishonest practices and they have more positive attitudes toward ethics.
SPORTS. Participation in varsity sports does not appear to build or undermine character. In most cases it was not a differentiating factor with one significant exception: varsity athletes were more likely to cheat on exams.
RELIGIOUS SCHOOLS. Those who attend private religious schools do not behave or think much differently from others. In most cases, it was not a differentiating factor. They did steal less but they cheated and lied more to teachers and parents.
RELIGIOUS CONVICTIONS. Students who said that their religion was essential or very important to them (regardless of the kind of school they attended) also generally performed at the national average, though they shoplifted at a slightly lower rate, were less likely to lie to get a job and tended to have more positive attitudes about the importance of ethics.
COLLEGE AND HONORS CLASSES. Generally, those who intended to go to college and attended honors or advanced placement classes said they cheated, stole and lied less than others.
The surveys underlying Report Card 2002: The Ethics of American Youth were administered by schools throughout the country in 2002. This report addresses honesty and integrity and is the first based on the data. An additional report focusing on violence, drug use and other issues will be released in the future.
Following a benchmark survey in 1992, the Josephson Institute has conducted a national survey of the ethics of American youth every two years. The Institute is a 501(c)(3) nonpartisan, non-profit organization based in Marina del Rey, CA. One of the major projects of the Institute is the CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition, a partnership of more than 500 educational and youth-serving organizations committed to improving the ethical quality of America's young people through character education. Congress and 36 states have declared the third week in October National CHARACTER COUNTS! Week.
SUMMARY SIGNIFICANT FINDINGS
1. CHEATING
In decade from 1992 to 2002 the number of high school students who admit that they cheated on an exam in the past year increased significantly from 61% to 74%. In 2000, 70% admitted to cheating. Students participating in varsity sports were more likely to cheat than non-participants (78% vs. 73%). Students attending religious schools were more likely to cheat than students at other schools (78% vs. 72%). Gender, student leadership, and personal religious convictions had no material impact. The number of students who admit they cheated two or more times in the past year has increased only slightly from 1992 to 2002 (1992 - 46%; 2000 - 44%; 2002 - 48%).
2. THEFT
A) Shoplifting. In the ten years from 1992 to 2002 the number of high school students who admit that they stole something from a store in the past 12 months increased significantly from 33% to 38%. In 2000, 35% admitted to theft from a store. Males were more likely to steal than females (41% vs. 35%). More than one-third of students in leadership positions stole from a store, but they stole at a substantially lower rate than non-leaders (34% vs. 39%). Also 30% of the honor students said they stole -- the lowest percentage of any group -- compared to 40% of non-honor students. Participation in varsity sports had no material impact. Students attending religious schools were less likely to steal from a store (35% vs. 39%), as were students with personal religious convictions (34% vs. 38%). The number of students who admit they stole from a store two or more times in the past year has not changed from 1992 to 2002 (1992 - 20%; 2000 - 19%; 2002 - 19%).
B) Stealing from parents. The number of students who admit stealing from a parent or relative increased from 24% in 1992 to 28% in 2002; 25% of students with personal religious convictions said they stole from parents, the same percentage as for honor students.
3. LYING
A) Lying to parents. Though one would expect a high percentage of young people to admit lying to their parents in the past year, the increase from 1992 to 2002 is substantial (83% vs. 93%). In 2002, females were slightly more likely to lie to a parent than males (94% vs. 92%). Students attending religious schools were more likely to lie to a parent (95% vs. 91%) but students with personal religious convictions lied at the same rate as the national average. The percentage of students who admit lying to their parents two or more times increased from 70% in 1992 to 81% in 2002.
B) Lying to teachers. This kind of falsehood is also common among adolescents but again the percentage who admit doing so in the previous 12 months increased significantly from 1992 to 2002 (69% to 83%). Gender, participation in varsity sports, student leadership, and personal religious convictions had no material impact. Students attending religious schools were more likely to lie to a teacher (86% vs. 81%). The percentage of students who admit lying to their teachers two or more times increased from 53% in 1992 to 63% in 2002.
C) Lying to save money. The percentage of students who say they "sometimes lie to save money" increased substantially from 36% in 2000 to 46% in 2002. Males were considerably more willing to lie than females (51% vs. 43%) Participation in varsity sports or student leadership, attendance in private religious schools and personal religious convictions had no material impact. This question was not asked in the 1992 survey.
D) Lying to get a job. In 2002, the percentage who say they would be willing to "lie to get a good job" more than quadrupled (9% to 37%), compared to 28% in 2000. Males were considerably more willing to lie than females (42% vs. 34%) Participation in varsity sports (37%) or student leadership (36%) and attendance at private religious schools (38%) had no material impact. Those who had personal religious convictions were significantly lower at 32%. This question was not asked in the 1992 survey.
4. IDEAS AND SELF-IMAGE CONCERNING ETHICS
A) In just the past two years, the cynicism of young people has increased substantially. In 2000, 34% of high school students said, "A person has to lie or cheat sometimes in order to succeed." In 2002, the number agreeing jumped 9% to 43%. Males were considerably more cynical than females (50% vs. 38%) Students who attended private religious schools did not differ from the overall national average (43%) though students who said religion was very important to them were slightly less cynical (38%). Students involved in varsity sports did not differ from the overall national average. This question was not asked in the 1992 survey.
B) Despite the high proportion of students who admitted cheating, stealing and lying in the past year, the generation appears to possess high self esteem when it comes to ethics: 76% said, "When it comes to doing what is right, I am better than most people I know." Varsity athletes and student leaders and honors students had an even higher self-image as 80-81% said they were better than their peers.
C) In addition, though many engaged in untrustworthy behavior, the students indicated that trust was very important: 95% agreed, "It's important to me that people trust me."
D) And the vast majority of high school students (79%) agreed, "It's not worth it to lie or cheat because it hurts your character." Males were considerably less likely to agree with this statement than females (74% vs. 82%). Student leaders were slightly more likely to believe that lying and cheating "is not worth it" (82% vs. 79%). Attendance at religious school did not have a significant impact (80% agreed that lying and cheating is not worth it) but students with personal religious convictions were significantly more likely to agree that lying and cheating is not worth it (84%). This question was not asked in the 1992 survey.
5. EFFORTS AT CHARACTER EDUCATION
About three-quarters (74%) of all students said that school tries hard to help students develop good character. That number was significantly larger among students attending private religious schools (83%). 69% of all students and 71% of religious school students said their teachers consistently set a good ethical example.
6. TEACHING AND MODELING BY PARENTS
A) The misconduct of young people is not the result of mixed messages from parents, at least according to their children, as 84% of all students agreed with the statement, "My parents want me to do the ethically right thing, no matter what the cost."
B) Similarly, 93% disagreed with the statement, "My parents would rather I cheat than get bad grades."
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September 26, 2002
Michael Josephson of Josephson Institute of Ethics, a nonprofit organization, writes:
YOU CHANGED SOME LIVES TODAY
"You changed some lives today." When I conveyed this message to Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben about his Yom Kippur sermon I realized what an incredible phrase that is. To change another's life is a kind of immortality.
Paramedics, firefighters, doctors and surgeons may change or save our lives physically, but the vast majority of life-changers do it with words. Ministers, writers, counselors, and teachers change lives by providing inspiration, information and inducement. Yet the most powerful life-changers of all don't have any professional training -- they're simply parents. That was the essence of Rabbi Reuben's message. After citing numerous examples in business and sports to demonstrate that American society is being eroded by pervasive cheating and "look-the-other-way" conduct, he turned his verbal finger on his congregants. There is a culture of cheating, he said, but the problem starts in our own homes where children are learning that dishonesty is part of life.
We promote cheating in big and little ways: telling kids to say we're not home, lying about a child's age or address, breaking our promises, avoiding our responsibilities, or engaging in any number of common business lies to lubricate the day. We do it by intimidating rather than supporting teachers who catch kids cheating and by caring so much about what our children get that we care too little about how they get it.
With grand rhetoric, statistics, jokes and gentle scolding he did what only great teachers and good parents do: he changed people's lives.
LET THE BUTTERFLY STRUGGLE
A young mother was fascinated but concerned as she watched a butterfly struggling mightily to escape through the small opening at the top of its cocoon. And when the creature seemed to give up, overwhelmed by the task, she felt sure that it wouldn't make it without help. So she enlarged the hole. The grateful butterfly wriggled out. Unfortunately, its wings were shriveled and useless. The well-intentioned intervention interrupted a natural process. Forcing the butterfly to squeeze though a small opening is nature's way of assuring that blood from the creature's body is pushed into the wings. The butterfly escaped the cocoon but without strong wings it could never be free.
Childhood, too, is a sort of cocoon. If a healthy adult is to emerge there must be some struggle. One of the hardest things for loving parents is to know when to let kids work their own way out of the rough patches in life. Of course we should always be supportive and demonstrate caring and we should look for opportunities to give them strategies and tools to deal with their problems. But if we are overprotective they will not struggle enough, and without some struggle they may not develop the strength and confidence they will someday need.
Children must be allowed to learn from their mistakes and pay the price for their own bad judgments. Parents who buy their kids everything they want and always bail them out of trouble do them no favors. In fact, they may be preventing them from growing the strong wings they need.
MAKING THE BEST OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
For most of us there is something both wonderful and worrisome about large family gatherings. On the good side, we often can experience real pleasure in spending time with relatives with whom we have so many common memories of people and events. What's more, being with parents, siblings and cousins who have known us since childhood often helps us see ourselves more clearly, without pretensions or illusions of self-importance. Finally, shared family history and the ties of blood and marriage can create a tribal sense of identity and belonging that is comforting.
Yet few families avoid rifts and feuds caused by unpaid loans, unreturned favors, unfulfilled requests for help, broken promises and, most of all, careless or cruel comments or gossip. And though we think we should love everyone in our family, we often don't. In fact, many of us have to struggle against the wisdom of the old adage "familiarity breeds contempt."
But in a world so filled with throwaway and transitory relationships, we should more highly prize the stability and strength of family ties. We should be careful that our casualness does not result in tactless candor. In dealing with family we have a greater, not a lesser, obligation to avoid unkind, insensitive and hurtful remarks that can spawn resentments and grudges. We need to monitor the tendency to feel competitive or envious and, instead, take real pride and pleasure in the success of any family member.
It may take some work, but with conscious effort some of your most enduring and endearing friendships will come from your family.
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September 24, 2002
Kathleen Miller, CFM ACT Editor, writes:
Our Lady of the Wayside CFM in Arlington Heights has ten groups with about thirteen couples each. Quite a few families are new to CFM, and some are new to the experience of talking about serious issues in a group setting. It was so good to have copies of EVIDENCE OF FAITH before the year began. Section leader couple Teri and Bill Mitchell (their assistants, who will be section leaders next year are Michele and Mark Iammarino) decided to schedule discussion of the chapters "out of order."
The opening meeting was chapter 4, "Do the Right Thing," The next months, the groups will discuss chapters 5, 6, and 9. Meeting 9 seemed particularly appropriate for December. By January, people will know one another a lot better and will probably be more relaxed approaching the excellent (and deeper) meetings at the start of the book, 1, 3 and 2. The background research required by chapters 5 and 6 might well support actions throughout the year. In Spring, discussion will focus on the remaining meetings, ending with Chapter 10.
At Wayside, all the groups meet in members' homes Friday evening at 8:00. The leaders gather at the parish an hour before the meeting to receive announcements and paperwork (every month one of the groups sponsors an activity for the large group) and to review the content and flow of the meeting, with scriptural background provided by the spiritual advisors. Each leader couple also has a "mentor/back-up couple" in their group, veteran leaders who give them feedback and assistance as they develop leadership skills and help the group to gel and accept the challenges unique to CFM.
This year's book is superb. Many thanks to those who prepared it.
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September 20, 2002
Jane Leingang, CFM Executive Director, writes:
I thought you might be interested in part of an e-mail I received from our friends Balazs and Krisztina Menesi in Budapest. They are developing CFM in Hungary. This report tells of their progress and asks for your prayers for their success. They have been holding Marriage Encounter (ME) programs and this is feeding their CFM movement. There are two planned this fall. The original intention of Father Gabriel Calvo, who wrote the manual for Marriage Encounter, was that CFM and Marriage Encounter work hand in hand. It is only in the United States that ME became a movement of its own. It is wonderful to see the growth in their movement. The Church in Hungary had been so restricted under Communism. The things that are happening now would have been impossible before.
Thinking of the summer we have some wonderful experiences to remember. For the first time in Hungary we had Family Communication Workshop, Engaged Encounter and Self Encounter introduced by Fr Donnon. All the three were blessed experiences. We have received quite a number of very good reactions from participants. We think, however, that we can never know the real results of any FIRES experience. The only results are those deep changes in the hearts of participants which cannot be measured or achieved, only hoped for and accepted as a grace from the Lord. Therefore we are convinced that the most we can and should do is to offer prayers for each participant. We thank you for praying with us.
It definitely seems that there is great interest about Engaged Encounter. Couples recommend it to friends. Therefore we plan to have one again next spring. On November 30th we are going to give a Family Communication Workshop to a CFM group and other families. There has also been inquiries about the next Self Encounter, which we might have again in the autumn of 2003 but that is still uncertain.
For the near future we are planning a Sons And Daughters Encounter (17 to 20 October) and a Marriage Encounter (8 to 10 November). Please pray for these programs again. ...
Last Sunday we had our CFM Veni Sancte mass. We opened the new school year with the group leader couples of 23 CFM groups. There are some more groups to start now not only in Budapest but also in the country. It is wonderful to see how people who experience FIRES Marriage Encounter become enthused to belong or even to start CFM groups. And vice versa, all CFM couples who have not made ME yet are invited to make it. It would be a wonderful experience for a whole CFM group to make ME together.
We are working hard on the outlines of CFM group meetings. As a result, 5 years outlines will be printed in a booklet form within 2 months. This way group leaders will not need to have the sheets copied for each couple before each meeting but each couple can have the whole year s topics in a nice booklet.
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September 13, 2002
Margie and Larry Murchan, CFM Program Chair, writes:
May you be given "grace to remember that the world is now too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love."
from 'Benediction' by William Sloane Coffin.
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September 11, 2002
Paul Leingang, CFM Executive Director, sent the following press release for 9/11/02 and also a copy of a speech he made on the Washington DC Mall on 9/11/02:
CHRISTIAN FAMILY MOVEMENT CALLS FOR NEW INITIATIVE AMONG FAMILIES
On the anniversary of terrorist attacks on the United States, members of the Christian Family Movement called for a new initiative among families throughout the country to take action to affirm the value and the dignity of family life, within their own family and within small groups of families.
"Do not let this day be an anniversary of the death of love, the loss of hope or the day we first felt fear," said CFM representatives in a draft statement prepared for delivery outside the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C. "Let this day be the day we take action as individuals, as families, as towns and cities, to support measures that affirm family life and the dignity of each and every family member." The CFM delegation participated in an event, Today's Children, Tomorrow's World, convened by the Masters Group, and co-sponsored by Global Mothers, American Mothers, and other organizations. "We are Christian families that acknowledge the sacred nature of every family," including "Jewish and Muslim families and families of other traditions," said the statement. "Today, we encourage you to take action. Within your homes, do not let this opportunity pass without telling each other of your love.
"Jesus told us to love our neighbor," said the CFM statement. "Today, we say, love your neighbor's children as well. "Do not let this opportunity pass without an assembly of neighbors — families together offering support to one another each and every day."
Jane Buchbauer, one of the CFM speakers, recalled her actions of a year ago: "When I saw the news, I called my family. Millions of us did the same," she said. "Among our haunting memories are the phone calls made from planes in the last moments of flight, phone calls made to family members," she continued. Buchbauer noted that "two things gave us unity that day — the horrible events that drew us to the news coverage — and the deep down impulse in all of us to seek and to give assurance within our own families." She encouraged families "to work and pray that the horror of that day never be repeated" but also to "work and pray to keep the value of family foremost in our society."
CFM has an estimated 8,000 members — men, women and children — in the United States. They meet in small groups of families on a regular basis, usually in each other's homes. "We believe in practicality, and taking action, by implementing our time-proven process of observing the world we live in, reflecting on what we see there in the light of our faith, and acting to make a difference," said the CFM statement. "We encourage the regular gathering of small groups of families, and initiating dialogue among families' faith traditions." CFM members use a program guide for their regular meetings. A special meeting guide prepared for the anniversary of September 11, and other CFM materials for use by families, are available at the national office in Evansville, Ind., and at the website, www.cfm.org.
CFM representatives at the Capitol included Jane Buchbauer, who along with her husband Peter, from Winchester, Va., serve as president couple; Father Donald Conroy of Washington, D.C., chaplain; John and Lauri Pryzbysz of Baltimore, Md., secretary couple, and Paul and Jane Leingang of Evansville, Ind., executive directors.
PRESENTATION BY THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY MOVEMENT PREPARED FOR DELIVERY AT THE CAPITOL, WASHINGTON, D.C.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2002
Who We Are
The Christian Family Movement is the founding organization of the International Confederation of Christian Family Movements. ICCFM is a world-wide organization which seeks to promote peace and social justice locally and globally through the formation of married couples and families in their Christian faiths and through knowledge of the Catholic Church's social teachings. Peter and I are joined today by our National Chaplain, Father Donald Conroy, our National Secretary Couple, John and Lauri Przybysz, and our Executive Directors, Jane and Paul Leingang.
Remembering September 11
The events of September 11, 2001 marked a sharp contrast to our vision of world peace. That day we saw a world shaken by violence. By violence so senseless and brutal, it was beyond our comprehension. It was an attack on husbands and wives, parents and children. It was an attack on all our families. Hatred ignited a fire. A year later, we still reel from the pain.
Hatred did not begin that day. Love did not die that day. We cling to a hope. A hope that one day all members of the one human family will accept each other as brothers and sisters. That everyone's child will live in peace. At the core of that hope is our faith.
Today we struggle between peace and justice, between war and forgiveness. We urge our leaders and fellow Americans to begin with prayer. Through prayer, misguided desires for retribution and hatred can be corrected. Through prayer, understanding and love for others can be found, regardless of race, religion or nationality.
A year ago, you may well have done what I did. When I saw the news, I called my family.
Millions of us did the same.
Among our haunting memories are the phone calls made from planes in the last moments of flight, phone calls made to family members.
Our first impulse at such a time is to be together with our family.
Two things gave us unity that day — the horrible events that drew us to the news coverage — and the deep down impulse in all of us to seek and to give assurance within our own families.
As we work and pray that the horror of that day never be repeated, we also work and pray to keep the value of family foremost in our society.
Today
Today of all days, we need healing, we need comfort. We need forgiveness for our indifference to the suffering of others, and we need to build a world where hope is not only possible but pervasive; where acceptance of each other is the result of a passion for human dignity.
We affirm the simple but stunning truth that every family is holy and vital to building a secure society. We have made our commitment that everyone's child should receive respect; that everyone's child should be free from exploitation; that everyone's child should live in hope – not in fear; in love for neighbor – not in hatred.
We are the Christian Family Movement. We have our roots in the Young Christian Students and Young Christian Workers Movements of the early 20th Century. Those movements sought to protect and enhance the lives of young people as well as promote social justice in the modern world. These seeds of social consciousness blossomed into our movement some 50 years ago.
We hold that the faith of others is to be respected, and we affirm our own faith as members of Christian families. We follow Jesus, who calls us to love one another — Jesus, who welcomed children, loved his enemies, and healed the sick – Jesus, who brought comfort to the afflicted and forgiveness to sinners.
We are committed to these goals:
To develop a consciousness — both a family and social consciousness — based on the principles and example of our faith traditions.
To develop responsible, concerned and happy families that are part of a supportive and affirming network of families within every community who will individually and collectively reach out to others in need.
To offer opportunities for families to grow in their personal relationships with one another as well as with their friends, neighbors and co-workers.
To continue to foster the international spirit of the Christian Family Movement.
As members of the Christian Family Movement, we meet as small groups of families — small Christian faith communities. We are called to see the world around us, to judge what we see in the light of the values Jesus taught us. Always, we are called to act to make our world a better place. Because of our faith, we affirm a way of life that demands our involvement in society.
Our mission is to promote marriage and family life and encourage family spirituality; to help individuals and their families to live their faith in everyday life; and to improve society through actions of love, service, education and example. At the heart of our mission is the affirmation and protection of all marriages and families — families in which the children receive the nurturance and protection of loving parents, loving friends and a loving God.
We are called to be doers of the word, not merely hearers of it.
The call to families today is not only to have faith but to live it. Not only to live faith but to give it. Our faith must be a radiant faith, not
a light hidden for our own use alone, but powerful enough for others to see.
Our faith must radiate within our families and beyond; to include other families, the whole of society, working for the common good, welcoming strangers, giving voice to conscience.
We believe in practicality, and taking action, by implementing our time-proven process of observing the world we live in, reflecting on what we see there in the light of our faith, and acting to make a difference," said the CFM statement. "We encourage the regular gathering of small groups of families, and initiating dialogue among families faith traditions. Observe, judge, act: We offer that structure to you.
Take it from our offer here, or take it from our website, The Christian Family Movement at www.cfm.org.
Call to Action
Today, we encourage you to take action.
Within your homes, do not let this opportunity pass without telling each other of your love.
Jesus told us to love our neighbor. Today, we say, love your neighbor's children as well.
Do not let this opportunity pass without an assembly of neighbors — families together offering support to one another each and every day.
We are Christian families that acknowledge the sacred nature of every family. We share a heritage with Jewish and Muslim families and families of other traditions respecting all our brothers and sisters – we are one human family.
We encourage the regular gathering of small groups of families, and initiating dialogue among families of diverse faith traditions. Look carefully at your world. Identify the issues and concerns, the good and the bad, of everyday life. Listen to each other. Together, judge what you see in light of your faith and take action to make this world better.
Do not let this day be an anniversary of the death of love, the loss of hope or the day we first felt fear. Let this day be the day we take action as individuals, as families, as towns and cities, to support measures that affirm family life and the dignity of each and every family member.
Make it better for your children, for your neighbor's children and for all families, everywhere.
Our vision for America is the vision of the family renewed in the practical realities of the twenty-first century: Families strong and loving and alive, families strong enough to support each other and their neighbors across America and around the world.
We call on families to reach out to other families, across the ordinary borders of faith and tradition.
Today we call for a new initiative. We call on families from all regions and areas of our great nation to renew that impulse to reach out to each other, to stand together with each other, to support each other, at times of sadness and in times of joy.
Thank you. God bless America.

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September 5, 2002
Larry and Margie Murchan, CFM in San Jose, CA wrote:
Have you ever wondered how to reach out to a third world country while sitting at home? Well, CFM has an idea for you. Here in San Jose, at Queen of Apostles Parish we are having a special pre-Christmas Crafts Fair. It is a fair where only crafts from foreign countries will be sold and all the profits will go to the sponsoring organization. It is very simple to do. Just order gifts (toys, candles, clothes, greeting cards) from catalogs we all get in the mail (UNICEF, OX-FAM, etc) and have them available to sell in November at the parish. Ask your other parish groups if they would like to participate. You can also have a festive atmosphere with music if you like. This is our first time doing it, so we will let you know how it goes. Some added benefits 1) people are participating in social justice activities in a very real way 2) the toys, etc. that are bought can be given to family and relatives, but they can also be given to local families in need, through an "adopt-a-family" program.
There is one very exciting resource I would like to share. It is a family-run coffee plantation in Guatemala in which coffee is grown on family farms and the members own the company and therefore get a fair wage. (The coffee tastes fantastic!) The coffee is only $5-6 per pound and can be bought in beans or ground up. Write to Ken Huebert, 1529 Oakwood Ave., New Ulm, MN 56073 to order coffee. Let the CFM exchange know of your successful crafts fair!
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April 28, 2002
Bob Smith, CFM in Alexandria Virginia wrote:
In the April 19, 2002 issue of the Pittsburgh Catholic, there is a front-page article about a parish that sent "Care Packages" to all their full-time college students. The packages contain items such as home-made cookies, brownies, popcorn, pens, etc. This is a part of the parish's "College Connection" program to reach out to full-time college students. For more than 15 years, our CFM group in Alexandria Virginia has been running a project similar to what this Pittsburgh parish has recently started. Such a project tells our children away at school that we love them and that we are thinking about them. As parents, we could certainly send "Care Packages" to our children at college and we do. However, it makes a much stronger statement to send "Care Packages" as a CFM group. Over the years, our CFM group has interacted as families, particularly at family retreats on long weekends. Thus, our children have close relationships with many adults in our CFM group. As a consequence, it means more to them to receive a package from the entire CFM group than to receive it just from their parents. We encourage you to consider a project like this yourselves, either as a CFM group or as a parish.
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April 15, 2002
We received this message today from our friends Balazs and Krizstine Menesi, ICCFM Europe Vice Chaircouple, in Budapest. They ask for your prayers for a family-friendly outcome for the upcoming election this Sunday. The post-communist party gained a unanticipated lead in the first round. Balazs and Krizstina feel many of the gains that have been made since the fall of communism will be lost if the post-communists take power. Here is their letter:
This is a cry for help from Hungary.
Last Sunday we had the first round of general elections. Despite the fact that all polls had predicted the overwhelming victory of this present national government, post-Communists (MSZP) won 1 per cent more votes than our national governing parties (FIDESZ-MDF). The shock and the despair of the people is undescribable. You can see the results at the following address: www.valasztas.hu/so02/v02din1a/l22x.htm
The national government have favoured families. They reintroduced child-care-allowance which enables the mother to stay at home until the child becomes 3-year-old. They introduced a progressive tax-benefit for families bringing up children. They helped pensioners and elderly people on pension with increasing their allowances in a higher degree than inflation. This national government have supported the Church and non-profit NGOs working for families. For example three weeks ago we received a letter informing us that CFM Hungary would receive some financial support from the Ministry of Social and Family Affairs. With this support we are able to print 6 years materials for group meetings and share them among existing CFM groups (19!) as well as among the newly forming ones. With this support we can hopefully publish Fr Calvoís book Hand in Hand, etc.
The post Communists want to legalize abortion and light drugs. No need to say what that means if indeed they gain power in the second round. The post-Communist campaign was incredibly aggressive against the national government, with full support of the media. That is definitely one answer to the WHY that so many Hungarians, not only Christians, desperately ask. Another is that there are still millions who vote for post-Communists because they used to enjoy privileges during Communism.
The next and final round of the election will be on the 21st of April. It definitely seems that this is going to be a more significant turning point than the fall of Communism! Post-Communists want to gain power at all prices. They agreed to join forces with the liberals, called Free Democrats (SZDSZ) again since they had formed a governing coalition in 1994 and ruled Hungary until 1998. Just yesterday - even the radio told so - they menaced a Catholic priest to kill him if he tells people to vote for the National government. If post-Communists come back - now in the disguise of the helpful international Capital - they will stop supporting and start destroying what we have started building for better and stronger families, for the Church and for our nation. And they will be able to crush the last little remains of the national media in order to ensure their continued rule.
We trust in God. We fast and pray that the Holy Spirit enlightens the blind people of this country so they will vote for those who fight for the real values. We believe that He can turn the events. That is why we now ask for your prayers, too. Please think of Hungary and ask the Lord to help our country and help those who work for the real common good of this nation.
With love and hope,
Krisztina and Balazs
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April 5, 2002
Bob Tomonto, National Vice President wrote:
Joyce M. Glynn, age 83, joined her husband Ed in eternal peace on April 1, 2002. Joyce and Ed Glynn were in the original CFM Group in Miami and later served as area couple for Florida and the Bahamas. They hold the distinction of holding the only area convention outside of the country in the mid 1960s. Many will remember Ed and Joyce's contribution to CFM Board Meetings. They were on the first Covenant Experience Team in St. Louis Parish and started a free marriage counseling ministry in the parish. Joyce and Ed were married 50 years, parents to 13 children and are survived by 15 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren. Those who knew Joyce will remember her wisdom and peacefulness.
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March 12, 2002
Jane Leingang, Executive Director wrote:
As we conclude our observance of Lent let us resolve do so in a spirit of conversion of heart. May we fast from the things which harm our spirits and feast on those things which nourish us. Let us resolve to:

Fast from judging others; feast on Christ who dwells within them.
Fast from emphasis on differences among us; feast the Spirit that unites.
Fast from words that pollute; feast on phrases that purify.
Fast from discontent; feast on gratitude.
Fast from anger; feast on patience.
Fast from idle gossip; feast on purposeful silence.
Fast from pessimism; feast on optimism.
Fast from worry; feast on trust.
Fast from complaining; feast on appreciation.
Fast from negatives; feast on affirmatives.
Fast from personal anxiety; feast on unceasing prayer.
Fast from hostility; feast on nonviolence.
Fast from bitterness; feast on forgiveness.
Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.
Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.
Fast from lethargy; feast on enthusiasm.
Fast from suspicion; feast on truth.
Fast from thoughts that weaken; feast on promises that inspire.
Fast from the darkness of sin; feast on the light of Christ.
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February 17, 2002
Alice Eleanor Ensroth wrote:
You will never know just how much your columns mean to us. They are terrific. The recent one regarding Pope Pius XI really touches our hearts - since the bedrock of CFM was the YCW. To know that a (recent) Pope would be willing to accept this invitation for one (Cardjin) to "kill himself" for the youth and for us to try to do what we can daily for our 'neighbors/friends/family' through O.J.A. is such an insentive to keep going - again and again.
We have been called so often throughout this Lent to do outreach in various ways, that we laughingly said yesterday that God has personally prepared our Lenten observances (along with our opportunity to attend daily Mass, weekly Stations and our own family prayer) and stylized the time slots to fit everything in as needed. We thank God that we are now both retired and in the position to do things that we were previously unable to do. God sure is good to us.
We want to wish both you and Jane and the kids a wonderful Easter Season and a great year to follow.
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January 27, 2002
Steve & Nicole VanderVoort write:
It's become a Christmas tradition for CFM families at St. Clement Church in Chicago to take turns ringing the Salvation Army Bell for a day during the Christmas Season, "under the clock" at the Marshall Field State Street store. This year was no exception. Families from the nine Action Groups at St. Clement had a great time while supporting a worthy cause. For some it was their first, while one family celebrated their 22nd year of ringing. Next year they promise to bring their grandson. Although the final results haven't been tabulated yet, in several of the past years the "CFM kettle" has proven to been the most full of all the volunteer kettles.
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January 19, 2002
Robin Hafey of Glendale, Az. CFM writes:
Howdy! This is Robin Hafey from Glendale, Az. checking in! I wanted to report about our St.Thomas More CFM Groups...
YES! One of our CFM Moms Joyce Spisak, organizes the Jr. High kids to collect on Souper Bowl Sunday! It's been a great success the past 2 or 3 years!
Over Christmas 2 of our groups adopted families thru St. Vincent de Paul and gathered gifts & dinners for their families. The Mom in our Christmas family was overcome by the generosity & one wise CFM Mom said, "It's a joy to be able to share with you... and someday, you'll get the opportunity to pass it onto another family!"
Our 3 groups shared the first CFM Progressive Dinner during the Christmas season! Twenty couples moved from home to home, enjoying wonderful foods & each other's company. The highlight was provided at Molly & Ray Villemez's home... serving the main course on beautifully decorated tables with good china, silverware & crystal for 40 people!! Rave reviews!!!
New things this year... our Pastor, Fr. Jim has become our Spiritual Advisor, we began a "quarterly newsletter" called The CFM Round-up" and a group of ladies from each ofl the CFM groups have formed a "Social Committee" to plan the get-togethers for all the groups this year! Lots of cooperation! Many Blessings!!!
Thank you to you & Paul for your love & efforts! CFM is truely a gift to so many families... here in Az. and across the nation!!! Peace & Grace to you!
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January 17, 2002
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
I am preparing Spotlight for the next edition of ACT? I'd be grateful for any news from groups around the country--especially Christmas or Lenten actions.
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January 14, 2002
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
This looks like an interesting project. Is anyone doing it in their church?
Millions of church youth nationwide hope to raise $4 million on February 3, 2002 as part of the Souper Bowl of Caring.
Youth will be standing at the doors of their home churches with soup pots, asking parishioners to donate $1. All of the money collected goes to support local charities. The event, which coincides with the NFL's Super Bowl, is a way for youth to help the hungry within their own communities.
"The Souper Bowl of Caring demonstrates the power of working together," said Rev. Brad Smith, Souper Bowl's founder and executive director. "Our nation-wide effort is a subtle reminder - a mustard seed - that ordinary people, with God's help, can do extraordinary good if we work together."
Last year marked the first year Souper Bowl organizers asked youth participants to volunteer directly with their local soup kitchens and food banks through the Service Blitz. This year's Service Blitz, February 2, 2002, is also encouraging youth to get into their communities and see where their money is going.
"This Service Blitz, along with the Souper Bowl offering, will show people everywhere what will happen when we move past our differences and unite in caring," Smith said, "as well as let young people see that they can make a positive difference in the life of others."
In 2001, the drive raised $3.6 million from more than 12,500 congregations from all 50 states, Canada and Puerto Rico. An estimated 3.5 million participated in the grassroots drive last year.
The Souper Bowl was founded in 1990 in Columbia, when 22 local churches raised $5,700. The event went statewide in 1991 and national in 1993. Since its inception, the organization has raised over $13 million to feed the nation's hungry. In 2002, for the first time, the Souper Bowl of Caring has three full time staff members and its own donated office space.
To find out about participation in your area, please visit the website at www.souperbowl.org.
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January 4, 2002
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following -- there would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the western hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-christian
30 would be christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent. The following is also something to ponder...
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness... you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation you are ahead of 500 million people in the world. If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world. If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ...you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy. If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare. If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.Someone once said: what goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's heaven on earth.
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January 3, 2002
Bob Smith of Alexandria, VA writes:
WHAT: Our CFM Day of Reflection WHEN: Dec. 1, 2001, 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM
WHERE: Paulist House, 3015 Fourth Street NE, Wash. DC
THEME: How do we deal with change as a people of faith?

OUTLINE FOR THE DAY:
Welcome, Gathering, Catching up
Morning Prayer
Session One: Balance and Grace
Lunch
Time for Personal Reflection/Prayer
Session Two: Sharing the Journey
Break
Session Three: Moving On
Summary
Mass with the Paulist Community
SOME OF OUR THINKING IN CHOOSING THE THEME:
We live in times of great turmoil and great busyness. At times, what we face seems almost overwhelming. With this in mind, we planned the structure of the day as a respite from the turmoil and a time to reflect on how we should respond, as people of faith, to all the change (turmoil and other kinds of change) that we face.
SOME OF OUR THINKING ON THE STRUCTURE FOR THE DAY:
On several points, we made choices that would simplify the day in terms of what we would need to do in order to accomplish it. For example, we could have done a potluck lunch or we could have eaten the same lunch that the Paulist in the house will eat. In the interest of simplicity and respite, we chose to eat the lunch that they provided. As a second example, we could have celebrated Mass by ourselves with all the planning (music, readers, etc.) that it entails. Or we could celebrate with the weekend residents of the Paulist House (perhaps 15 people) at their Saturday 5:00 PM Mass. In the interest of simplicity and respite, we chose to join the weekend residents at the 5:00 PM Mass and let them provide music, readers, etc. In being less busy with the details, we were able to be more attentive to what God said to us during the course of the day.
Thinking back on this day, the message I came away with is that God is with us in all circumstances, particularly in difficult circumstances.
God's grace is what enables us to cope with the trials that come our way. Much of God's grace is transmitted through the people around us: family, friends, co-workers, and strangers. The people of our CFM groups have been among our closest friends for almost two decades and we are particular aware of and thankful for the grace that God has given us through them.
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December 10, 2001
Don Browning, Director Religion, Culture, and Family Project writes:
Many of you have been waiting to learn when the documentary "Marriage: Is It Just a Piece of Paper?" will be shown on PBS stations. We have now learned that a one-hour version will receive a "mandated, prime-time showing" on this coming Valentine's Day, February 14, 2002. A mandated showing means that all 300 PBS stations in the country will be required to show it and run it at the same hour. This makes it possible to coordinate advertising for maximum public awareness. I can assure you that such a mandated showing is difficult to achieve. We feel very fortunate. But it also means that the PBS officers consider the documentary to be excellent.
At present, we are being told that the documentary will be shown at 10:00 p.m. Eastern, 9:00 p.m. Central, 8:00 p.m. Mountain, and 7:00 Western. Because these things can always change, however, it is best to check your local TV guides. Most of you know that the documentary is narrated by Cokie Roberts and that the script was written by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. It is based on research done by the Religion, Culture, and Family Project, especially the books From Culture Wars to Common Ground and John Witte's From Sacrament to Contract. There is also a longer two-hour version of the documentary, but only the one-hour rendition will show on the mandated PBS program. Both versions will be sold to the general public. We will give you the information on how to buy them in an upcoming e-mail newsletter. A book with the same title as the documentary, which contains many of the interviews not used in the television documentary, will also be released soon, published by Wm. B. Eerdmans Press. We will keep you updated on the book details as well. The documentary mixes the testimony of national experts with the voices of "real people."
The experts include William Julius Wilson, Judy Wallerstein, William Doherty, William Galston, John Witte, Lisa Sowle Cahill, Patricia Ireland, Diane Sollee, Governor Frank Keating, and Senators Lieberman and Brownback. There are many others. There is great background music, great visuals, and moving stories. Boyer Productions did an outstanding job making it--with a little help from the Religion, Culture, and Famly Project. Tell your friends, organizations, churches, and clubs about this. It will be well worth your time.
The Religion, Culture, and Family Project is based at the University of Chicago Divinity School and conducts research into the religious dimensions of historical and contemporary family issues. More information about theproject can be found at our website, . Previous issues of this newsletter can be found at.
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December 8, 2001
Bob Smith of Alexandria, VA writes:
Some weeks ago, one of my parishioners sent out an E-mail messages on events of interest in the local area. I was particularly intrigued by one event (shown below) and I wondered who had named our nearby St. Anthony Parish as a parish of excellence (a commendation with which I enthusiastically concur) and on what basis this parish was selected. Since I was not able to attend the WTU event, I talked later to the event's organizer and I purchased a copy of the book on which the event was based. May this book become a best seller!!! After the excerpt from Anne's message, I will show you why I am so enthusiastic about this book.
The Paulist Press recently published "Excellent Catholic Parishes" by Paul Wilkes. He asked Catholic newspaper editors and experts on parish renewal to recommend the very best parishes they knew. The index in the back of the book has over 300 parishes in 40 some states. The first 150 pages of the book profile 8 of these parishes and highlights three aspects of each parish's that are exceptional but, more importantly, reproducible. Afterwards, he summarizes common traits of excellent parishes as a means of encouraging other parishes to seek to develop these traits in a way that fits their own unique situation.
The following is an excerpt from a middle section of this book entitled 'Final Thoughts.' "Today's parishes differ vastly from those of even a generation ago, and the parishes a generation from now will be transformed even more dramatically. Barring a miraculous increase in priestly vocations, the future of Catholicism – and, with it, the tried-and-true parish structure – seems to rest with lay people. The 30,000 Catholic lay men and women currently in some sort of ministerial training dwarf the 3,400 men who now populate our major seminaries. Overall and without counting those in formal training, this generation represents the best-educated group of Catholic lay people in history. They have got an unbelievable array of talents. They want to give of themselves to something beyond their own comfort or material success. They want a moral legacy for their children.
"However, they will no longer attend churches that do not speak to their souls and their minds. Institutional loyalty ('once a Catholic, always a Catholic') doesn't have the strength it once did. Many cradle Catholics have gone to other religious denominations to feed their spiritual selves. Sadly, more have simply opted out of any religious practice. Additionally, a 'silent majority' within Catholicism, those who belong to a parish and attend weekly Mass, are little more than Catholics by name, having found little impetus to bring religious beliefs into their real life. Young people and a huge and growing number of immigrants, many Hispanic, are not being reached. The Catholic Church will lose them unless more parishes, pastors and, increasingly, lay staff expose them to the transforming power and the attractive lifestyle that Catholicism has to offer.
"Beyond being excellent, each of the eight parishes I have profiled – and the hundreds more at the back of this book – have something to say not only to the Church, but to their communities and this country at large: a message, for example, about the power of community in rural Minnesota, spiritual aesthetics in Newton, Massachusetts, transformative adult spiritual enrichment in Inverness, Illinois, neighborhood renewal in New Orleans. These Catholic parishes are beacons of hope – not only for their people, but also far, far beyond.
"What I saw in these excellent parishes amazed me. But I felt frustrated. 'Why don't other parishes know about this?' I found myself asking, 'Why don't they try these ways? They work so well.' In the next section, I summarize the essential qualities of these parishes. In doing so, I hope these exemplary parishes inspire others. And I hope that seminarians and priests, nuns, lay men and women – those already in Church work and those in training – might spend time in these places. Great parishes exist around the country; one of them is close to you. Although this might sound a bit preposterous, I would advocate visiting these sites, a sort of religious 'freedom trail,' for these are holy places, and having once visited, the pilgrims will never be the same. They will see how powerful an attitude of acceptance and service can be. Men and women need to experience great parishes in this country. In doing so they can encounter fresh insights and other visions of the Church and realize that their own dreams are not impossible."
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December 7, 2001
Robin Hafey of St. Thomas More in Glendale, AZ writes:
We have one CFM group that is a "Family Group." This is their 3rd year. Using this format. They meet at 2 p.m. Sunday afternoons. Parents inside or in one part of the house and children outside or another part of the house. Each couple takes a turn preparing a meeting for the kids. The teens are using the "In Search of Jesus" CFM book--a program focused on growing in a relationship with Jesus. The younger kids are watching a "Vegitales" video and talking over a Bible story. After the meetings they share a potluck supper or take a picnic to the park before heading home around 5.
This has been a wonderful opportunity to grow close as families, couples and children. Many of the families have moved here and are not near their own families...so there's some great community building going on! The impetus to set it up this way was to learn to set Sundays aside as family time! So every other Sunday is a CFM afternoon, either a meeting or social fun! Older kids help with the younger ones and the fun goes on. In our many years in CFM (Chicago and Northern California) we've never experienced a group that continued to integrate children in the meetings. It's been a successful experiment.
I'd also like to share this with you:
We can do no great things, only small things with great love. --Mother Teresa
Everyday living has its share of routine, mundane tasks--dishes to scrape, laundry to fold, toys to clean up, meals to prepare, bills to pay, babies to bathe, cuddle and tuck in.
These small, routine things are the stuff our lives are made of. There were times as I was raising our three children that I slumped through the days feeling sorry for myself, weighed down with the repetitiveness in my life. Then something would happen to wake me up like sitting quietly under a starry sky, or coming across a quotation that touched my heart. I'd become aware that I was in the midst of a very precious time...raising a family!
It was during these times I realized that my own attitude left much to be desired and I was the only one who could view it from a different angle. I made a decision to cultivate an "attitude of gratitude" each day, writing three things I felt thankful for in my life. This gave me a chance to reflect, appreciate, and focus on the gifts in my situation! The simple joys such as husband's hug or warm smile, my son's cheerful help with the groceries or the fact that I'm able to hear and enjoy music!
There was a trickle-down effect. I saw that it only took a minute to be kind or courteous to those around me; to enjoy more of the moments with our kids. I could bring flowers in from the garden and spread a little beauty around or celebrate an ordinary day focusing on the fits of time, helping, caring and sharing.
Count your blessings. The more I count, the more I find. Attitude makes all the difference.
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November 26, 2001
Paul Leingang, Executive Director, writes:
Here's an interesting article from ZENIT.
Future Depends on Family, Pope Tells Salvadoran Bishops Highlights "Moral Strength" of People in Midst of Tragedies
VATICAN CITY, NOV. 23, 2001 (Zenit.org).- The crisis facing the family is one of the most important challenges facing the Church today, John Paul II said when he met with members of the Salvadoran bishops' conference.
"Humanity risks much in the family institution, to the point that its future is mortgaged if it does not adequately defend and promote it," the Holy Father said today at the end of the bishops' quinquennial "ad limina" visit to the Vatican.
Archbishop Fernando Saenz Lacalle of San Salvador, the episcopal conference president, greeted the Pope on behalf of the visiting prelates.
The Pope said: "One cannot give in to fashions and theories that, under the false appearance of modernity and progress, eventually turn against man and create so many victims, beginning with their own children, or the abandonment of the spouses themselves."
"One of the imperatives of our time is attention to the family," he said, "because one witnesses a generalized and radical crisis of this fundamental institution, given the serious threats facing it today."
The Pontiff listed these threats briefly: "marriage breakups, the scourge of abortion, the contraceptive mentality, moral corruption, infidelities and domestic violence."
In order to address this crisis, the Holy Father offered two proposals.
First, he urged a rediscovery of marriage as a sacrament in which, "in keeping with God's plan, man and woman realize their conjugal vocation and collaborate with him in creation."
Second, the Pope asked the Catholic Church to commit itself to a "solid preparation of those who prepare for marriage and the follow-up of Christian homes, which will make it possible to offer convincing examples of how a family should be and its irreplaceable role in society and the Church."
In order to do this, John Paul II proposed "to form young people called to marriage, as well as already existing families, so that they will overcome the pressures of a culture opposed to marriage and the institution of the family, and live according to God's plan and the real and genuine exigencies of man and woman."
Catholics constitute 86% of El Salvador's 6.2 million inhabitants.
In his meeting with the bishops, John Paul II also referred to the emergencies the country has had to face in recent times: Hurricane Mitch in 1998 and two earthquakes early this year.
After emphasizing the "moral strength" the Salvadorans demonstrated on those occasions, the Holy Father added: "Although it is true that foreign aid is necessary, given the magnitude of the phenomenon, it must be kept in mind that Salvadorans themselves, with the rich qualities that distinguish them, must be the protagonists and principal architects of the country's reconstruction, committing themselves by their effort and determination to overcome that very difficult situation, aggravated among other things by the abject poverty of many, unemployment, and the lack of worthy housing." "In this task, the action of Caritas must be noted, which attempts to respond to these needs," the Pope concluded.
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October 31, 2001
Carol Jordan writes:
A dear friend sent me this story. I find it very touching, and thought I'd share it with you.
BREAKFAST AT MCDONALD'S...READ TILL THE END
This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through till the end! (After the story there are some very interesting facts!):
I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special play time with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch .... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.
As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm.) Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.
That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you.." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.
"I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me,Honey. To give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God, share this need to heal people and to be healed.
In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE. If you think this story has touched you in any way, please send this to everyone you know.
There is an Angel sent to watch over you. In order for her to work, you must pass this on to the people you want watched over. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into it's nest.
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October 28, 2001
Bob Smith of Alexandria, VA writes:
The following is an article by Renee LaReau that was published in the October 12, 2001 Pittsburgh Catholic:
Nurturing the spiritual lives of girls
God is with her.
God works for her.
God chooses her.
God accepts her.
God praises her.
God listens to her.
God cries with her.
God knows her.
God loves her.
We are her.
These words were written by 16-yeqr-old Nadia Olker from Milwaukee. Olker's poem is one of hundreds of poems, prayers, and reflections found in the new book "Listen for a Whisper," a compilation written by and for teenage girls. "Listen for a Whisper" was just recently released by St. Mary's Press and is one part of a St. Mary's Press initiative called The Voices Project.
The Voices Project (found at http://www.smp.org/voices/index.cfm) provides resources and support for anyone who works with adolescent girls in classrooms, youth groups, Girl Scouts and other settings. All Voices Project initiatives serve to emphasize girls' identity as made in the image of God, affirming and supporting the spiritual life of adolescent girls in age-appropriate ways.
An initiative like this is surely necessary. I think of the magazines I read as a teenager and I shudder. And now, 10 years later, the celebrities on the magazine covers have changed yet, unfortunately, the dangerous messages have not. According to the "gospel according to the grocery store checkout line," clothes and boys are paramount. The headlines shout to anyone who will look: Reduce the size of your hips in eight minutes a day! Eat lettuce for a week and lose 10 pounds! Five steps to a date with your fantasy guy! And on television, Brittney Spears wears next to nothing in her Pepsi commercial while Bob Dole and his dog sit captivated in front of the TV.
The Voices Project purports not to toss all modern media out the window but to look at medai messages critically. One of the projects goals is to encourage girls to take a long, hard look at the media messages that bombard them each day. Take the movie "The Little Mermaid" for example. Harmless, right? Think again. A young girl who gives up her voice and changes her body all while in pursuit of a man? When one really thinks about what message it is sending to our girls, it's a little unnerving.
Recent movements such as the secular girls movement (instigated by groundbreaking books like Mary Pipher's "Reviving Ophelia") offer a good start, but leave room for the language and perspective of faith. The Voices Project carries the initiative one step further, rounding out the movement with the wisdom of women's spirituality and theology, utilizing resources from resource people like theologian Sandra Schneider and psychologist Carol Gilligan.
Renee LaReau is a pastoral associate at St. Charles Borromeo in Kettering, Ohio.
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October 24, 2001
Paul Leingang, CFM Executive Director writes:
There is a story this week from Catholic News Service, which is distributed to almost all Catholic papers and some magazines in the United States and Canada. It traces the origins of the La Leche League to CFM, and provides another point of contact for us to make in approaching groups and individuals. It may be an opportune time to contact Catholic editors and reporters about the CNS story, to ask if they are using the story, and if they are interested in finding out what CFM is up to in more recent times.
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October 23, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
This thoughtful essay came to the office from Don Browning at the University of Chicago. I thought it was worth passing on. It is interesting to me that this essay which was apparently written before the events of September 11 talks so much about non-Christian influences on the family because when we went to the major symposium of the Religion, Culture and Family project in about 1995 (which studied primary western Judeo-Christian societial influences) there was a lot of discussion about trends which would bring more Muslim influences to bear on American culture. Browning had felt they needed to limit the project at that time to the primary influences of Judeo-Christian thought. We obviouly can no longer can afford that luxury. Please take a look and share any comments with the exchange.
The following brief essay was written for Threshold, an important Australian journal dedicated to marriage education and related family topics. It is edited by my good friend Margaret Andrews. She and her husband Kevin Andrews, a member of the Australian Parliament, are outstanding leaders in Australian society on marriage and family issues. Order Threshold by email thresh@rie.net.au, it is well worth it. Margaret asked me to write the following essay on the future of marriage.
It now seems strangely relevant to the post-World Trade Center era. I argue that marriage will not be strengthened by education alone, as important as that is. Nor will it come about alone by a retrieval of the Christian heritage on these matters, as important as that is.
We live in a new globalized society. The deepening and strengthening of marriage must come about through a new interfaith dialogue about sexuality,marriage, and family. The great religions of the world must enter this dialogue. Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism will contribute, along with Judaism and Christianity.
Don Browning, Director
Religion, Culture and Family Project
Marriage in the New Millennium
We must not only think about the shape of marriage in the new millennium, we must also consider our language about marriage. Many of us are grateful for the new worldwide concern about the status and health of marriage. But we should pause and reflect about the nature and logic of the discourses we are now using to speak about marriage. This new interest in marriage increasingly is being dominated by the language of policy. Policy language is, for the most part, the language of health and economics. It is the language of costs and benefits and contains the utilitarian logic of means to desired ends. Governments are becoming concerned because they have learned that marital and family disruption correlate with poverty, crime, and poor health. When these increase, governments are required to intervene, and such action increases bureaucracies, costs, and taxes. Furthermore, remedial interventions by the state are often limited in their benefits, adding to further tensions and dissatisfactions in the body politic.
The language of policy is often infused with the language of health. Marriage, we have recently learned, is on average good for health. Married couples live longer, drink and smoke less, indulge in less risky behavior, have more satisfying sex, save more money, and are generally more satisfied with their lives than single and divorced persons. Hence, the logic goes, if you want these good things, then possibly you should get married and stay married.
The really surprising item in this list, at least to me, is the good of wealth. In spite of the costs of children, married couples still over time accumulate more wealth. They enjoy economies of scale, think more about the future, and indulge less in their personal gratifications. Since they live longer and healthier lives, their infirmities cost society less. Since they are wealthier, they are less likely to cost society in the form of welfare checks and food stamps. Marriage makes it possible to lower taxes and direct government money to education, beautification, or cleaner air and water. Marriage pays. Because of this, our discourse about marriage is increasingly being infused with the language of economics. Marriage is a rational choice in the economic sense of rationality.
The language of marriage education is increasingly being absorbed into the language of health and economics. Because marriage correlates with health and wealth, we are told that it is good to have the skills to communicate and cope with marital conflict. Marital communication is often portrayed as a skill, a tool, a techne, or a means for achieving health and wealth -- the goods of marriage. Like any other skill such as typing, playing the piano, or becoming an accountant, communication for marriage can be taught and learned. Marriage more and more is portrayed as an institution that is analogous to a public utility -- something generally useful such as electricity or the waterworks. Marriage education is unwittingly portrayed as analogous to becoming an electrician or a plumber.
These trends in the discourse about marriage have much to commend them. They have made it possible to gain new precision about the goods of marriage and some of the conditions that produce lasting unions. But these trends have dangers. The language of policy may not be a totally reliable language for guiding marriage and families into the new millennium. The discourse of policy needs to be balanced by the grand language about marriage from the classic religious traditions. Religious language about marriage should have a place in our public discourse as well as our private religious lives. In the past, religious language provided the dominant public language for marriage. In some earlier societies, it was in fact the only language for marriage. Religious language has increasingly become marginalized, even in the churches. Even there, the language of marriage is often the language of policy -- the discourse of health, economics, costs, benefits, and skills.
But the language of costs and benefits -- the utilitarian language of policy -- is a fragile moral language. There is little room in this discourse for the language of commitment, the language of obligation, or the language of treating the marital "other" as an end and never only as a personal or social means. In the language of policy, commitments are tied closely to the calculation of benefits. If the projected benefits turn negative, commitments should be renegotiated or terminated. Skills are only useful as long as they appear to work.
There are several reasons for the withdrawal of religious language from public discourse about marriage. Western societies are more secular; people do not know or understand this language as they once did. Western societies are more pluralistic. It is uncomfortable to use Christian language, whether Protestant or Catholic, when it is known that Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, endogenous, and secularists are listening as well.
But this timidity about the use of religious language in public talk about marriage comes with a great loss. Religious language, in various ways, provides a language about the intrinsic goods and sacred obligations of marriage. It is a discourse that breaks or subordinates the chain of costs and benefits in speech about marriage. The goods, comforts, and advantages of marriage do not disappear in religion language, but they are surrounded and contextualized by a deeper language of sacred gift and obligation. This is true whether it is the language of covenant or divine command (as it is in Judaism, Protestantism, and Islam) or the language of sacrament(as it is in Roman Catholicism and Hinduism). Many endogenous religions believe that the divine manifests itself through marriage, especially in the birth of a child.
The emerging world marriage movement must foster a new dialogue between the great religions of the world about the meaning of marriage. This dialogue should help the religions discover the points of analogy and difference between their respective languages about marriage and family. No one religious language from any specific faith can dominate the public language about marriage in modern, Western societies. But a world dialogue may discover analogies that can help balance and recontextualize the language of policy. Roman Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and others should continue to investigate their respective marital traditions, but they also should converse together to discover their commonalities. They should very much be a part of the world marriage movement and actively contribute to it.
Marriage in the new millennium, to be successful, will be more equal, more mutual, more communicative, and more economically interdependent. But to endure, it must be more than a means to health and wealth and more than a public utility. Our public philosophies of marriage must learn to respect and make room for our various languages of sacrality.
-- Don Browning is Alexander Campbell Professor of Religious Ethics and the Social Sciences at the Divinity School of the University of Chicago and director of the Religion, Culture, and Family Project located at that university. He is the co-author of From Culture Wars to Common Ground: Religion and the American Family Debate (1997, 2000) and co-author with Gloria Rodriguez of the forthcoming, Toward a Public Philosophy and Policy for Families: Reweaving the Social Tapestry, released through the American Assembly of Columbia University and published by W.W. Norton.
The Religion, Culture, and Family Project is based at the University of Chicago Divinity School and conducts research into the religious dimensions of historical and contemporary family issues. More information about the project can be found at our website, .
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October 19, 2001
Lauri Przybysz, CFM Secretary writes:
Jane's observation struck a cord with me also. I'm a diocesan marriage minister, and I get to study all the recent statistics about marriage--and the news is not good. Increasingly, people are choosing not to marry at all. Uncommitted partnerships, often including children, are the relationship of choice. Researches find that, when they do marry, people are looking for super relationship, a soul mate. Instead they discover they have married a mere human being. Could it be that we have lost the vision, gazed to much inward in our families, expected them to fulfill all our needs and hopes? I am intrigued by the Crowley's call for looking outward. True, families are in such straits that CFM has wanted to help them get strong and heal themselves. Yet, I agree that they get anemic just being insular. The best thing a person can do when they are depressed is do something for someone else.
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October 18, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
Jim McGinnis is a long-time friend to CFM and director of Institute for Peace and Justice in St. Louis. I thought his recent remarks might be of interest.
Sermon for Sunday, October 7, 2001 by Dr. James McGinnis at Emmanuel Episcopal Church in Baltimore, MD
As we sing "God Bless America" so often these days, there are five words that I pray we hear and pray with conviction "stand beside her and guide her through the night WITH THE LIGHT FROM ABOVE." During this long "night" of suffering and searching, it is God's light from above that we desperately need as individuals and as a nation. And how does God give us this light? Historically for Christians, God's light has come primarily through the Hebrew prophets culminating in the person of Jesus, and then through those who are empowered to help us interpret the message of Jesus. It behooves us, then, to read these prophetic books and the Gospels carefully and prayerfully. It is no "coincidence" that today's Scripture readings should speak to our situation as a nation in such a "prophetic" way.
Recalling God's chilling words through the prophet Ezekiel, I have to speak these Scriptures to you today. For in Ezekiel 33: 1-6, we read that God appoints sentries or sentinels to keep watch in case the enemy comes. "If the sentry sees the sword coming and sounds the trumpet and warns the people, but the people pay no attention and the sword overtakes and kills them, I will hold them responsible for their own death. But if the sentry sees the sword coming and does not sound the trumpet and thus the people are not warned and the sword overtakes and kills them, I will hold the sentry responsible for their death. Behold, I appoint you sentry for my people."
Since I do sense that a "sword" is coming, I am compelled to read and reflect with you on today's Word of God. For as we heard in Paul's Letter to Timothy, "God did not send us a Spirit of timidity but a Spirit of power and love and self-control, so don't be afraid to speak for our Lord" (2 Timothy 1: 7-8). In the Psalm for this morning, we also heard: "Bow down and worship the Lord our Creator! The Lord is our God! And if today you should hear God's voice, harden not your heart" (Psalm 95: 1-2, 6-9).
The voice or word of God that we are asked to meditate on this morning is especially from the prophet Habakkuk. When I opened this three- chapter book earlier this week in preparation for this sermon, I was touched deeply by its entirety, much of which I would like to read to you now: "I am Habakkuk the prophet. And this is the message that the Lord gave me. Our Lord, how long must I beg for your help before you listen? How long before you save us from all this violence? Why do you make me watch such terrible injustice? Why do you allow violence, lawlessness, crime, and cruelty to spread everywhere? (1: 1-3) "Holy Lord God, mighty rock, you are eternal, and we are safe from death. You are using those Babylonians to judge and punish others. But you can't stand sin or wrong. So don't sit by in silence while they gobble down people who are better than they are!" (1: 12-13) "While standing guard on the watchtower, I waited for the Lord's answer. Then the Lord told me: 'I will give you my message in the form of a vision. Write it clearly enough to be read at a glance. I, the Lord, refuse to accept anyone who is proud. Only those who live by faith are acceptable to me.'" (2: 1, 2, 4). "You're doomed! You stored up stolen goods and cheated others of what belonged to them. You robbed cities and nations everywhere on earth and murdered their people. Now those who survived will be as cruel to you. You're doomed! You made your family rich at the expense of others. You even said to yourself, "I'm above the law" You're doomed! You built a city oncrime and violence. But the Lord All-Powerful sends up in flames what nations and people work so hard to gain! You destroyed trees and animals on Mount Lebanon; you were ruthless to towns and people everywhere. Now you will be terrorized. What is an idol worth? It's merely a false god! What can you learn from idols covered with silver or gold? They can't even breathe. Pity anyone who says to an idol of wood or stone. Get up and do something! (2: 6, 8-9, 12-13, 17-19). [Habakkuk's prayer] "This is my prayer: I know your reputation, Lord, and I am amazed at what you have done. Please turn from your anger and be merciful; do for us what you did for our ancestors. When I heard this message, I felt weak from fear, and my lips quivered. My bones seemed to melt, and I stumbled around. But I will patiently wait. Someday those vicious enemies will be struck by disaster. Fig trees may no longer bloom or vineyards produce grapes; olive trees may be fruitless and harvest time a failure; sheep pens may be empty and cattle stalls vacant-- but I will still celebrate because the Lord God saves me. The Lord gives me strength. God makes my feet as sure as those of a deer and helps me stand on the mountains." (3:1-2, 16-19)
These prophetic words raise many questions and challenges. In terms of the questions -- Do we as a nation bear any responsibility for the roots of the violence that assaulted us on September 11? Is there any way we can deal effectively with terrorism if we don't consider its roots, the sense of oppression from which it arises? Have we strayed as a nation into idolatry? Have we placed our hopes and given our allegiance to global capitalism and military might? What could God be inviting us to learn from the events of September 11 and beyond?
In terms of challenges, first, this is, as our President put it, "a war between good and evil." But I think that the war is being waged within this nation and even within our very souls. The spirit of good -- as illustrated in the incredible love of those rescue workers who gave their lives on September 11-- is at war with the spirit of evil. The spirit of hate hit the World Trade Towers on September 11, but the spirit of love responded. Now this spirit of evil and hate wants us to sink to the level of the terrorists and retaliate in kind and worse. The challenge before each of us is not to sink to this level but stay at the level of love shown by those rescuers and to challenge our nation's decision-makers to bring the terrorists to justice without sinking to their level.
The second challenge that these prophets raise for us this morning is our own prophetic role in sharing the Word of God with those to whom we are sent. Each of us individually and our Church community as a whole has a prophetic responsibility. If we don't share this Word of God, who will? If we don't ask these hard questions, who will? If we don't offer a different perspective, who will?
The third challenge God raises through the prophet Habakkuk is to write our vision clearly so that those who see it can run with it. When the Gulf War broke out in January 1991, peace activists in St. Louis gathered at Christ Church Cathedral to search together for how to respond. After a while, I felt the need to be alone with God and begin to walk the streets of downtown St. Louis, pleading with God to help me know how to respond. Within minutes these words were on my heart -- "In the face of escalating violence, escalate love!" They were so clear to me. And soon the image of a scale with two trays came to me. One tray held the boulders of violence -- war, terrorism, domestic violence, racism and other forms of hate violence, media violence, etc. The other tray was full of tiny pebbles of love -- smiles, kind words, all kinds of random acts of kindness, acts of forgiveness, etc.
Francis of Assisi, whose feast we celebrated on October 4 showed the world of his time how to escalate love in the face of escalating violence. He was a walking bundle of joy, with a smile and greeting -- "Pace e bene" ("peace and good") -- for everyone. And despite the fact that he had once dreamed of being a "Crusader for Christ" doing battle with the "infidels," he went to Rome and then to the Sultan in Egypt pleading with these leaders to stop this Crusade/Jihad. For he had learned that God is not honored, nor are the dead honored, by the death of others.
And so this morning, I offer you the Pledge of Nonviolence as a way of putting the peacemaking ministry of Francis into practice in our own time and place. And on the back of this Pledge card, our Institute for Peace and Justice in St. Louis offers you this suggestion for action: "As we urge our government to address terrorism with restraint and its roots with integrity, we can address it personally as well. The spirit of violence can only be overcome by a spirit of love. The Pledge of Nonviolence gives us a concrete way of overcoming the evil spirit behind the deeds of September 11 and any acts of revenge being considered in response. Jesus weeps over our world today just as he did over his city of peace --"Jerusalem, Jerusalem, if only today you know the things that make for peace" -- pleading with each of us to do the tings that make for peace. We can start with these. Respect. In the face of escalating words of hate, we can escalate our words of kindness toward others. Listening. In the face of escalating anger, we can escalate our willingness to listen non-defensively and not respond in kind. Forgiveness. In the face of escalating cries for revenge, we can escalate our willingness to forgive others who have hurt us. Courage. In the face of escalating acts of hate directed at Muslim and Arab people, we can escalate our courage and stand by them. We can pray with them daily and especially on Fridays. And in the fact of escalating cries for war, we can courageously and lovingly offer a different perspective."
An after-thought: In the destruction of the World Trade Center -- what some regard as the "twin towers of Mammon" and the temple of global capitalism -- and in the penetration of the Pentagon of military might, is God telling us that we as a nation have given these two human institutions too much of our allegiance, perhaps even made them idols? As we continue to reach out in prayer and support for the innocent victims of these terrorist deeds, there is more to pray over as we consider the "beam in our own eye" as well as search for the terrorists who did these deeds.
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October 18, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
I have been reading through some archival material and ran across this in apiece that Pat and Patty Crowley wrote for "World Justice" Magazine in 1967.
Quoting from the theologian Rev. Bernard Haring they wrote "Marriage is a missionary force, and here you have a new experience of it through your wonderful Christian Family Movement...If you are united, if you learn together how to transform you family life, how to transform neighborhoods, if you are united in awareness of the wide horizons of the covenant of love between Christ and the Church - then you will learn to observe also the life of society.
The family is an environment of love. But it is a divine environment only if we are interested in the misery of all peoples. If we strive together toward a solution of the great social problems. If we contribute, as single families and as a community, for the hungry people of the world. Then we make our family a sharer in the great covenant of love between Christ and the Church. And this covenant then brings salvation into the world."
I have never read an understanding of the movement that was as visionary as that. I don't really think a lot of us see the movement in that light, but I think it is the way I feel about the movement. It is why I think we need to do the unpopular books about social problems as much as we need to the books on parenting issues.
They are both important-even more now than they were when Haring wrote these words because families have suffered greatly in the 30 years that have intervened and marriage has taken quite a hit.
Does the passage strike a cord with anybody else out there?
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October 8, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
I received this message from the Religion, Culture and Family Project at the university of Chicago and I thought it applied to our recent discussion about CFM response to Sept 11.
It is interesting that he notes a resurgence of latching on the importance of marriage as a fallout of this tragedy. This project has been saying since 1995 that lack of valuing of marriage was a real problem for our society. It seems that something has finally happened to make people believe it.
In the immediate days after the disaster, my husband Paul noticed how infrequently the commentators on TV talked about couples calling each other after the World Trade Center events. They talked about parents kids, grandparents, sisters, but infrequently mentioned spouses. He felt this was an avoidance of that primary relationship for the sake of being "with it." Apparently ordinary people are beginning to realize that no matter what the media depicts, in their most terrifying moments they need another person to cling to and that person is their spouse.
That's my two cents.

Dear Friends,
Matters pertaining to marriage, family, and religion--the subject matter of the RCF Project--at first seemed far removed from the September 11 disaster at the World Trade Center. There the issues were life versus death, terrorism versus principled dissent, democracy versus tyranny, the separation of religion and state versus theocracy.
But in the aftermath of this great human tragedy, it also became a story about children, parents, marriage, and singleness. There are estimates that as many as 15,000 children will have been robbed of one or more of their parents. Many parents, it seems, were single parents; with their death their children must now find a new home--possibly with grandparents, other relatives, or the estranged or absent parent. A new loneliness is reported to be sweeping over young, free, and once happy singles of the fast-paced life of New York city. Unattached young men and women, we are told, are now turning to other singles, renewing friendships, trying to find that old crowd, and wondering whether they are missing something by not having a mate, a family, someone to care for, or a person to care for them.
All across the country there are reports that couples who had filed for divorce are now electing not to go forward with the legal action. Ministers and justices of the peace claim that the marriage rate has taken a sudden spurt. Those already married now seem to be valuing it more. Those unmarried now seem to want a partner and perhaps offspring who will remain after they are gone. Teachers and parents are banding together to determine how best to talk about the disaster with children. President Bush is telling us to hug our loved ones, and government leaders are visiting classrooms to reassure students.
The World Trade Center was about politics. Most analyses say it was not really even about religion. Islam has principles of just war, forbids taking innocent life, and disdains suicide. So, in the end, the perpetrators misused religion for misguided political purposes. But the event was also about marriage, family, and children. In the name of distorted control of family life -- such as the Taliban regime enforces in Afghanistan -- they struck at women, children, fathers, and families in the U.S. In a way so deep, so automatic, and so reflexive as to suggest that it comes from something deep in the human psyche, individuals seem to be turning to their families in profound new ways.
This leaves us with a question. Does it take disasters to remind us of the importance of good marriages and vital families? Do we have to be scared out of our wits to realize the essential value of these realities for our lives? Wouldn't it be better to create an abiding culture that supports and encourages these institutions, prepares us for them, maintains them once created, honors them in everyday life even when times are good and easy, and helps renew them when they meet their inevitable trials? Must we wait for a war, a bomb, an attack, or wild airplanes crashing into our most magnificent buildings to force us to acknowledge and value what we should cherish all along?
Don Browning,
Director of the Religion, Culture, and Family Project
The Religion, Culture, and Family Project is based at the University of Chicago Divinity School and conducts research into the religious dimensions of historical and contemporary family issues. More information about the project can be found at our website, .
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October 8, 2001
Gary Aitchison, retired CFM Director writes:
Sue: Good thinking. Perhaps a long drive by car stimulates the thought processes. I too have had on my mind that now is the vital time for all of us to share what we know about CFM and the OJA (observe, judge, act) process. Kay and I and our sons will all tell you that CFM has had a profound impact on all of us. Why not make it more available to others! How can we motivate ourselves to share what is so good in our lives with others so that they to can experience it? Why do I think that telling 20 families about our experience or starting one new group of families in CFM is the immediate solution?
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October 5, 2001
Sue Hamilton of Naples, FL and Ann Arbor, MI writes:
We arrived here in Naples for the season on Monday after a two day uneventful drive with a fully packed car. We decided to come a little earlier than normal (usually we come around Nov. 15) because our trade association annual meeting is taking place this week at the neighboring Ritz Carlton Hotel.
With all the events of the last few weeks I want to share with you some of my thoughts about how CFM is/could be affected in a positive way. Last week I was cleaning off my desk in Ann Arbor and ran across a quote from Margaret Meade - maybe you remember it: "Never underestimate the power of a small group - indeed it is the only thing that has ever changed the world." In the past I always thought that this applied to small groups who did good things - like CFM. But it occurred to me that the terrorists have been described as a loosely knit network of small groups in over 50 countries - but they do evil - and they have changed the world!
We've had to this point two speakers at our convention - the first was John Kasich, a former congressman from Ohio and Elizabeth Dole, now running to replace Jesse Helmes in the Senate from her home state of North Carolina. The message that both of them delivered was 1) education should be a primary focus and 2) someone else will not change the world - not the government, not churches, not the schools, not business. It is only individuals working in teams in an active way in their neighborhoods who can make a difference. Does this sound familiar? Even Dr. Laura has been appealing to "you decent family people" to get out and shop at Arab-American and Muslim businesses. Someone else isn't going to do it!!!!
In the past 2 or 3 decades CFM has continued to exist despite the unpopularity in many quarters of spirituality and being involved in religious groups. A "cushy" life has lulled many families into abdicating their responsibilities in many arenas, among them marriage, parenting, education, religious training, and spirituality. We came to believe that regulations solved everything - someone else would do it! But "someone else" did not take responsibility for a safe world and we were jolted into reality.
We have been encouraged to "return to our normal life." I'm not sure returning to that "normal" life is good for families. Maybe it's time for a "new normal." What an opportunity for CFM to be a catalyst for this change. We have the structure, the programs and leadership to be a real resource to families who have had their level of awareness elevated by these catastrophic events. What a way to get their attention!
Well, these are just some wandering thoughts I've had over the last weeks. I hope they are useful to you and the board as we continue to search for new ways to bring CFM's message to more families.
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October 5, 2001
Noreen Thomas of St. Lawrence Martyr CFM in Redondo Beach, CA writes:
Our CFM Group at St. Lawrence Martyr Church in Redondo Beach, CA held our annual kickoff last weekend. Every other year we have an auction to raise funds to cover our next two years worth of expenses. After the disaster of September 11th, our Board voted to donate 25% of the proceeds from our auction to the victims and heroes of this unforgettable day. We raised over $6000.00 at our auction, so will be able to send a check for over $1500.00 directly to this worthy cause. We are also, of course, keeping all the victims, families, and everyone touched by this tragedy in our prayers.
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October 4, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
Dear CFMers,
We are getting ACT ready for the month of November and we need news!
Please share your stories of activities of your groups with us. We need short pieces especially for Spotlight. In particular I am interested in what people might have done in response to the Sept. 11 disaster.
This press release came into the office today and it struck me as something that might make a good CFM action.
ORANGE COUNTY, CA. The September 11th Memorial Quilt Group (http://www.memorialquilt.com) a union of community, industry and institutions has formed to build and has started construction of, a Memorial Quilt tribute for each of the attack sites of Black Tuesday. The quilts, which will be identical, (except for local emergency and rescue worker insignia, etc) will depict an American flag composed of the photo images of all the victims of the tragedy.
Each Quilt will contain approximately 6000 4x4 inch photo-transfer patches. There will be one patch for each victim/hero of the September 11th tragedy. The patches will be grouped together into sections of eight. The Sections will be assembled into rows that produce suitable backgrounds to reflect red and white stripes and a blue field. The resulting design will represent an American flag measuring approximately 40X19 feet, surrounded by a gold border accented with the insignia of the local police, fire fighters, paramedic and rescue workers.
After each attack site victim count is complete and a respectful mourning period is observed, the Families will be contacted and given the opportunity to approve their loved oneís photo or to provide a photo of choice. When the quilts are finished they will be displayed at each attack site and presented to the local community. At this ceremony the families, rescue and relief organizations will receive hallmarked Memento Patches of their loved one.
The project web site (http://www.memorialquilt.com) is simple, straightforward and contains everything you need to get involved as family, friend, patriot, sponsor, vendor or supporter.Victim lists, bios and photos, are classified by attack site. Quilt illustrations and sample patches present a glimpse of the finished quilt. Registration and login provides access to a personal profile page and project production areas.
Individual and corporate sponsors are underwriting the project, which is without a cost projection. Volunteer groups are producing the quilts and a special Commemorative Patch and a published account of the project (Friends of the Flag -the making of the Black Tuesday quilts) are being designed for sale, with the proceeds going to relief efforts. The projected completion date is late 2002.
CONTACT INFO:
September 11th Memorial Quilt
Anne Ryan
P.O. Box 4484
Huntington Beach, CA 92605-4484
USA
Phone: 949.574.7330
Fax: 949.574.7334
anne@memorialquilt.com
http://www.memorialquilt.com
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September 21, 2001
Bob Smith of Alexandria, VA writes:
The Kingdom
Today, Lord,
Thy kingdom has come.
In the quiet of the dawning
In the darkness we are scorning
In the newness of the morning
Thy kingdom has come.
In my waking and my dressing
In my former sins confessing
In my life and its progressing
Thy kingdom has come.
In this moment for the taking
In this day that we are making
In the evil we are forsaking
Thy kingdom has come.
In meeting one another
In loving sister and brother
In seeing you Lord in the other
Thy kingdom has come.
From Borderlands
by David Adam
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September 21, 2001
Patricia Cuadros of San Jose, CA writes:
I Said a Prayer for you
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard.
I felt the answer in my heart
Although I heard no word.
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind.)
I asked to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind.
I asked that God be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way.
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small,
But it was God's loving care for you
That I prayed for most of all.
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September 19, 2001
Margie Murchan, Program Chair writes:
Hello! I am the Program Chair for CFM - the "Book Editor" - and am looking for a few interested writers or editors. We are writing two books for the year 2003-2004! The first is the Program book for the year. It is going to be about Gospel Values and Family Values. The second special book is a Part II to the book written a few years ago, "Second Wind", for those families whose children are high school and older. (In our parish we have called a group called the "Masters Group" and have used "Second Wind.) We are looking for writers for lessons in both books. Just let me know if you or a group of you would like to write a lesson. We have well-developed outlines for both books and you would have the support and consultation of several seasoned editors as you write. Let me know of your interest and I can send you outlines of either book. It's great to write a chapter - lets you be a part of the action and is very rewarding. We are writing the lessons now and they are due in February. Love to hear from you!
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September 19, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
View a meeting (see Programs & Materials page) I wrote to help groups discuss the recent events in Washington, New York and Pennsylvania, titled "Christian Response to Violence". I hope it is helpful.
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September 4, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
The office is considering putting together group of the Taking the Time to Make a Difference columns expanded somewhat for use as meetings. Are there any which you would like to nominate for this usage? Or are there any which you have used in this fashion. From time to time we get requests for supplemental material for groups which do not fit our dominant profile of married couples with children and we thought this type of offering might be good to have. You can view many of them on the web site.
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August 23, 2001
Jane Leingang, Executive Director writes:
Some of you may be aware of the project the University of Chicago is doing on the American Family. They have apparently produced a documentary funded by the Lilly Foundation which is being offered to public television stations. Looks kind of interesting.
"Marriage: Is it Just a Piece of Paper?" goes beyond conservative and liberal debates over the state of the American family. It addresses the difficult question of marriage itself. Is marriage in decline and, if so, what are the personal and social costs? Many commentators have called marriage the great suppressed topic of our day. It is the "M" word, viewed as a subject unfit for polite company, and neglected in the halls of government, the academy, the professions, and even in churches and synagogues.
The documentary begins with a series of lush shots of contemporary weddings -- Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Buddhist, secular, Black, White, Hispanic -- even a Las Vegas wedding conducted by an Elvis impersonator. "Americans love weddings," the narrator tells us, "but marriage, that is another matter." With 1/3 of ever-married persons now divorced, with 45% predicted to divorce, with 1/3 of all births out-of-wedlock, and with an 8-time increase in cohabitation since 1960, many believe marriage is collapsing. Is it? And what difference would it make?
The documentary unfolds around the following sequence of topics -- the causes of the decline of marriage, the possible consequences for children, the growing power of law courts over domestic life, cohabitation as an alternative to marriage, the historical origins of Western marriage, the narrowing of marriage from a public and sacred institution to a private contract or transient agreement, the new inequality for women, the struggle of young adults to find mates, and the problem of fathers. The documentary concludes with stories and suggestions from three healthy marriages and a review of various initiatives of an emerging loosely organized social movement that is trying to revive and reform marriage as a public institution for the 21st century.
The documentary has no hard sell. It acknowledges that marriage has often been imperfect. Sometimes divorce is the best answer to a broken marriage. But it does suggest that marriage has at times accomplished a reasonable balance between freely chosen love and public accountability, the needs of children and the desires of adults, the happiness of couples and the requirements of social order, the seriousness of a sacred reality and the protections of the law. For marriage to accomplish this in the future, it must be reformed before it can be revived.
The documentary is narrated by Cokie Roberts and the script written by marriage and family journalist Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. It is based on scores of interviews with adults and children about the struggles surrounding marriage in our time. There are also dozens of interviews with the leading experts on marriage and family. From government, there are Senators Lieberman, Brownback, and Governor Frank Keating of Oklahoma. Scholars from a wide range of academic disciplines are woven into the story, e.g., Judith Wallerstein (San Francisco), Linda Waite (U. of Chicago), William Doherty (U. of Minnesota), Orlando Patterson (Harvard), Tom Smith (U. of Chicago) Stephen Ozment (Harvard), John Witte (Emory), Lisa Cahill (Boston College), Katherine Spaht (Louisiana State), Steven Nock (U. of Virginia), Ron Mincy (Columbia and Ford Foundation), William Galston (Clinton domestic advisor and now U. of Maryland), Scott Stanley (U. of Denver), and others. Grass-roots professionals and activists such as judges, marriage educators, ministers, therapists, college instructors, high school teachers, Black youth, and an advocate of gay marriage also enter the dialogue. The documentary is funded by the Religion, Culture, and Family Project of the University of Chicago from a grant provided by the Lilly Endowment, Inc. The Religion, Culture, and Family Project is based at the University of Chicago Divinity School and conducts research into the religious dimensions of historical and contemporary family issues. More information about the project can be found at our website, www.uchicago.edu/divinity/family.
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August 21, 2001
Reenee Galanis of St. James CFM, Arlington Heights, has a question for CFM groups:
It seems that some groups have lots of couples who join CFM for a few years and then drop out when their children get older. Other groups are particularly strong because couples stay in CFM a long time and share their wisdom with younger families. If you have any ideas, just send the answers to cfm-exchange@cfm. org. What does your CFM group do to keep members active for a long time? Your responses will be included in the "Idea Exchange" feature of the next issue of ACT.
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