Taking the Time to Make a Difference

Every once in a while, the notion of "being afraid" pops up in conversation. Most recently, when I was telling a friend that my wife and I were going to the Holy Land, he said he would very much like to go some day, too. I don't remember his exact words, but he said something about being afraid to go right now. Early in the year, violence escalated in Gaza and dominated the news. But just a few weeks ago, there were news reports of an increase in the numbers of pilgrims and tourists in Jerusalem and other cities and areas in the Middle East. Pope Benedict XVI is scheduled to visit the area in May, so traveling in Jordan and Israel should be nothing to be afraid of. But the fact is, as I said, every once in a while, the notion of being afraid pops up. And some times, the conversation is only in my own mind.

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My reflection on being afraid calls to mind an incident a long time ago. I was going to do some summer work at a church in an area some people were afraid to go. I drove up to the church on the first day and decided it would be a sign of distrust and disrespect if I locked my car doors - even though I was afraid of the consequences. I talked things over with the summer program supervisor, and she gave me good advice. She said she too trusted and respected the people in the neighborhood, but she wasn't stupid. She always locked her car doors, and from that time forward, so did I. I was only stupid that time for a day. There must be a difference in being afraid and being stupid, I am trying to say. The upcoming trip to the Middle East is exciting and new and therefore filled with uncertainties. Another thing I fear, another kind of uncertainty, is not being able to take charge at my workplace back home, or even to have some influence over decisions that will be made. I have great confidence in my staff. I am not afraid they will fail. I am only afraid they will get along too well without me.

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To be honest, it is not violence I am afraid of, but rather I have a little bit of fear about what I will find in the land where Jesus was born, where he lived and preached, where he healed the sick, where he died and was raised. A news reporter told me he had been in the Holy Land some years ago for the signing of some international document. He did not expect to do anything except cover the news event - yet something happened to him in front of a church that he could not explain, some spiritual experience that he could not describe to me. He is a reporter whose livelihood depends on the words he uses - but he had no words to describe his experience in the Holy Land. I am afraid that something like that might happen to me. And at the same time, I am afraid it won't. What if my faith is challenged? I wonder if I might be like St. Augustine, who prayed: "Give me chastity and continence, but not yet." I want to have stronger faith and even holiness - but just not yet. Or on the opposite side of such thinking, what if I go to the Holy Land and experience nothing of the holy, but only the commercial world of souvenirs? In the fifth chapter of Mark's Gospel we read about a synagogue official who asked Jesus to heal his daughter. Before Jesus went to the man's house, word came that the daughter had died. Jesus told him, "Do not be afraid; just have faith."" Do I have that kind of faith?

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Take the time today to reflect on your own fears, and to take action to alleviate the fears of another. Who might be such another? Perhaps someone who is hungry and afraid that he will not find enough to eat. Perhaps a pregnant teenager who fears the future. Perhaps the family members of a person in prison. Perhaps a young adult leaving home for college or a new job in a strange city. Take the time today to make a difference. What are you afraid of?

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